I have hundreds of videos of myself walking around my bedroom. Not for fun. I filmed them on an iPad in high school to check how my back looked in my uniform, door locked. I also practiced sitting in backless chairs so nothing would press when I sat down at school. I was still running versions of that ritual three years ago.

The story I'm most embarrassed by: I overslept on a walk morning, people were already gathered and texting me, and I stopped to put on a full face of makeup before I left. Thirty minutes late to my own event, because being seen without it was not an option my body would allow.

Cam has a phrase for what happens in front of the mirror every morning: a 128 point inspection. Men, he says, get one question. Women get a hundred, and failing any one of them can take the whole day.

In this one:

- The moment in high school where the whole thing started, and what I gave the credit to

- What I could feel in a woman's face on a Zoom call, and why it made me feel close to her instead of judgmental

- A man at the McDonald's drive thru named Matthew who kept saying something I could not compute

I'm recording this with almost nothing on my face, which was months of very small, very uncomfortable steps. Cam is not making me do any of it, though I make it sound that way roughly every episode.

For the ongoing version of these conversations, explore The Board: https://www.theboardwalks.com/the-board