The episode of the Tell Me It Will Be Okay podcast features an interview with New York–licensed psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Schwartzman about his book The Anxious Parent: Freeing Yourself from the Stresses and Fears of Parenting and how parents can separate their own anxiety from their child’s needs through reflection and child-development awareness. Schwartzman discusses how modern parenting includes more unknowns, why consistency matters more than occasional “perfect” responses, and how children learn through experience, including useful failure, risk-taking, and independence. He shares personal stories of his own anxious parenting and explains how parents can avoid over-identifying with their child while still providing empathy and guidance. We discuss how “the problem is the point,” encouraging experimentation, tolerating discomfort, and authoring one’s own parenting based on values rather than quick-fix advice.

You can connect with Dr. Schwartzman and learn more about his books at his website, MichaelSchwartzmanPhD.com. He also mentions two books in his podcast. They are:

• The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Raising Self-Reliant Children by Wendy Mogul PhD
• The Ordinary is Extraordinary: How Children Under Three Learn by Amy Laura Dobro and Leah Wallach

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

02:34 How Parenting Changed

06:00 Separating Parent vs Child Anxiety

07:40 Social Media Parenting Fixes

10:55 Consistency Over Perfection

12:50 Developmental Expectations

16:09 Shaping Child and World

17:59 Anxious Parent Origin Story

21:36 Time Travel and Triggers

27:03 Letting Kids Own Their Lives

28:35 Raising Kids to Leave

32:16 Learning Through Adjustment

33:29 Letting Kids Struggle

35:19 Confidence Through Parenting

37:38 Working With Resistance

40:16 Benign Versus Harmful Neglect

43:05 Try It Your Way

43:52 Parenting Resources

46:39 School Psychologist Role

48:15 Becoming A Parent

52:56 Parenting Is Messy

55:06 Problem Is The Point

58:15 Author Your Parenting

01:01:03 Learning Is The Point

01:03:15 Final Takeaways

Dawn Friedman hosts the Tell Me It Will Be Okay podcast and interviews therapist and adult and child psychiatrist Dr. Elena Lister about her book Giving Hope: Conversations with Children about Illness, Death and Loss (co-written with Michael Schwartzman and Lindsay Tate). Lister explains that asking children about difficult subjects—including death and suicidal feelings—doesn’t “put ideas in their head,” but builds trust and opens communication, noting kids already think about these topics through experiences like Disney movies, nature, and news events. She emphasizes caregivers being grounded and “steady and sturdy,” using delaying or revisiting conversations when needed, admitting mistakes, and allowing children to set pace while keeping doors open. Lister shares her family’s experience when her daughter Liza was dying, discusses talking about uncertainty and differing beliefs about afterlife, offers guidance on cremation and funerals, and highlights that mentionable is manageable.

00:00 Welcome and Guest

02:55 Fear of Saying It

05:53 Disney and Death

07:42 Start Before Loss

10:50 Grounded Parent Mindset

12:43 Deer in Headlights

15:42 Good Enough Parenting

16:44 Classroom Disclosure Story

23:24 Anger and Humanity

26:55 Distress Tolerance Check

30:19 Death in the News

35:00 Living With Mortality

37:05 Aging and Nature

37:58 Afterlife Questions

40:26 Family Beliefs Clash

42:02 Living With Uncertainty

43:01 Grief Work Origin Story

45:25 Schools Can Talk

47:47 Let Kids Set Pace

53:41 Child Life Support

55:47 Cremation Explained

57:55 Funerals and Rituals

01:02:09 Preparing Kids for Loss

01:05:46 Final Thanks and Wrap

• Website: Elena Lister MD
• Giving Hope by Elena Lister MD, Michael Schwartzman PhD with Lindsey Tate (affiliate link on Bookshop)
• A Short Good Life by Philip Lister MD (affiliate link on Bookshop)

Letting Go to Focus on What Matters in Parenting

Dawn Friedman introduces her podcast and explains “judicious giving up,” a practice of letting go of solving a parenting problem immediately so families can clarify what truly matters, understand what’s underneath the issue, and choose a more fitting focus. Drawing on her transition from solutions-focused case management to therapy, she notes that the stated problem is often not the real problem, and that parenting challenges—like an anxious child who won’t sleep alone—may reflect bigger needs, family values, timing, capacity, and parents’ own triggers or identity beliefs. She critiques one-size-fits-all, quick-fix behaviorist advice and emphasizes individualized, developmentally informed plans built from self-reflection, understanding the child, and aligning with values. She also reframes recurring struggles as opportunities for learning and growth rather than proof of failure. (This is part of the Podcasthon 2026 event! My charity for the event is The Children's Defense Fund, which envisions a nation where marginalized children flourish, leaders prioritize their well-being, and communities wield the power to ensure they thrive.)

00:00 Welcome and Mission

00:43 Judicious Giving Up

01:11 From Casework to Therapy

03:09 The Problem Behind Problem

04:58 Parenting Anxiety Example

06:57 Choosing Your Focus

11:27 Beyond One Size Fits All

14:44 Problems Recur Over Time

18:55 You Can’t Fix Kids

20:17 Values Then a Plan

24:02 Mindset Reframe and Wrap