『Supporting a Person Through Major Surgery: Caring for the Body and Soul (+audio)』のカバーアート

Supporting a Person Through Major Surgery: Caring for the Body and Soul (+audio)

Supporting a Person Through Major Surgery: Caring for the Body and Soul (+audio)

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Seeing a number of friends go through surgery recently has me thinking about the recovery process. I don’t mean to brag, but my family has been through more than our fair share of surgeries and recoveries.There are similarities across all of them, but also unique challenges and new insight gained from each experience. There is so much to consider. I could probably publish ten different writings on this topic alone.When a loved one goes through a major surgery or sickness, my focus immediately shifts to the logistics of caring for their physical needs. Before the surgery comes all the planning. I’m sure I come across as a little much to our doctors because I ask a lot of questions. Like… a LOT. I’m known for walking into appointments with a written list the length of a legal pad. That I display on my lap. To visibly communicate that I need their time and guidance. After the surgery, it’s a whirlwind. Prescriptions to fill, medicines to administer, schedules to keep, basic physical needs to address - and in our case, a few years ago - the complicated logistics surrounding my daughter having an extremely painful surgery followed by lying flat in a cast-like body brace for six weeks.Yes, you read that right. Six. Weeks.We had done all the prep work.Removed her bed. Rented a hospital bed. Rearranged the space. Purchased Echo Dots for intercom-like communication. Installed smart plugs for turning lights on and off from bed. Acquired a hospital-like tilting bedside table. Rented a wheelchair with a reclining back. Coordinated with the school. Shared the news with her 4th grade peers. Planned out how to help our son continue to feel loved and supported amidst the chaos.And more. So. Many. Things. I was overwhelmed before the surgery even arrived.Then, the surgery happened. And it was just as hard as I feared. After coming home from the hospital, the first time we took her to a check in with the surgeon, it took us an hour to just get her into the car.The careful transfer from bed to wheelchair.Positioning the rigid brace.Cushioning her with pillows & gel pads.Navigating down the twisting hallway.Lifting over the threshold steps. Pushing along the sidewalk.Tilting back the car seat. Transferring into my van. More positioning and cushioning. Attaching the specialty seatbelt straps.Loading the wheelchair into the back.We did try to create some fun moments with the family in her room, but most of our interactions felt very medical. There was simply so much medical to manage.After a couple weeks, we finally had some established routines, and her pain started diminishing a little. However, she seemed sad. I asked her what was wrong and she shared, through tears, “I miss hugging you.”I think my heart stopped for a moment.Hugs.Touch.We touched her all the time. We were with her almost constantly. But our touch was clinical. Medical.Daily routines.S**t. How had I not taken a single moment to simply hug her?Clearly, my next step was to give her a hug. It was clunky because the brace was in the way. But it was possible.I thanked her for trusting me. For telling me. For giving me the chance to course correct.Hug ScienceThat night, I did some reading, and it turns out there is scientifically backed evidence on the benefits of hugging. Research featured in Psychology Today and discussed by experts like Cari Browning, RN, LCSW confirms that a 20-second hug is the “sweet spot” for triggering significant biological changes.This sustained contact stimulates the release of oxytocin (the “love hormone”), which promotes safety and bonding, while simultaneously decreasing cortisol levels to physically lower stress.If you don’t have someone readily available to hug, the same calming effects can be achieved through self-soothing touch, such as placing a hand over your heart or wrapping your arms around yourself to activate the nervous system’s calming response.A Daily Dose of HugsThe next day, she and I established a daily hug routine. I wanted her to feel the intentionality of it. The focus on her. A real human connection over a sustained length of time. So… we exceeded the 20 seconds and went for a full minute.One minute, when you think about it, is a very short commitment. No matter how hectic life gets, finding one minute of time for something important is not only possible, it’s sustainable. I tied it to one of our existing routines, because the ADHD is strong in me (along with the rest of our family). I’m much better at forming a new habit when it’s associated with another must-do task.To execute the hugs, we lowered the hospital bed, I carefully wrapped my arms around her and the brace, and pressed my cheek into hers. We set a one minute timer on Alexa, and for 60 seconds, we simply existed together. Sometimes, as the timer started ringing, she would pipe up with - ‘Alexa, add 30 seconds!’ - and we would extend our hug a bit longer. If she needed more time, she got it.Reinventing ...
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