How much of yourself have you changed, hidden, or made smaller just to keep other people comfortable?

In this deeply personal—and frequently hilarious—episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari explore what it really means to live authentically, especially as Gen X women who grew up learning to be agreeable, fit in, and care far too much about what other people thought.

The conversation begins with everything from targeted ads pushing the so-called “cool midlife fashion uniform” to the complicated meaning behind Shakespeare's famous “to thine own self be true.” But it quickly gets much deeper.

Jane reflects on slowly losing parts of herself in a seven-year relationship and eventually realizing that the person she had become no longer wanted the same life. Etienne opens up about how gradually silencing herself in a relationship left her feeling trapped in her own home and disconnected from who she really was. Heidi discusses neurodivergent masking, making yourself smaller for others, and the freedom that comes when you finally stop trying to be the person everyone else expects.

The women also explore authenticity at work, listening when your body tells you something is wrong, walking away from situations that no longer align with your values, finding “your people,” and why being yourself doesn't mean using authenticity as an excuse to be an asshole.

And because this is The Women Are Plotting, a thoughtful discussion about living your truth eventually leads to the ultimate test of intimacy: whether you're comfortable enough to fart in front of the person you love.

At midlife, maybe authenticity isn't about discovering one permanent “true self.” Maybe it's about giving yourself permission to keep changing—and refusing to abandon yourself along the way.

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