Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix).

Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and what kinds of conversations are and aren’t fair game in the therapy room. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or reevaluating a long-term fit, this conversation will help you trust your instincts and advocate for what you need.

Related resources

• Dr. Kilmer’s website, elizabethkilmer.com
• Treatment for mental health issues
• Dialectical behavior therapy: What you need to know
• Cognitive behavioral therapy: What is CBT?

Timestamps

(00:00) Intro

(00:43) What inspired this episode

(01:53) Relationship between therapist and client basics

(04:45) How do we know if a therapist is a good fit for us?

(06:50) What is a ‘therapeutic modality’? What is a ‘manualized treatment’?

(09:36) How do we know if therapy working?

(13:51) How do we give feedback to our therapist?

(17:29) How do we breakup with a therapist?

(19:35) What do we talk about in therapy?

(23:52) What do we do if we don’t have access to therapy?

(26:09) Advice on how to start therapy

(29:22) Outro and credits

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.

Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.

Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.

Related resources

• Leann’s website, bornemancoaching.com
• Leann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual Women

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Timestamps

(00:00) Intro

(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma

(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference

(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research

(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself

(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access

(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?

(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like

(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature

(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink

(24:33) Outro and credits

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Grief can be overwhelming for anyone — but for people with ADHD, it can show up in surprising ways.

Therapist Rachel Hopkins joins host Cate Osborn to unpack the intersection of ADHD and grief. They discuss how time blindness, emotional intensity, and memory challenges can shape the grieving process — and how ADHDers might mourn in nonlinear, unconventional ways. Rachel also offers some insights for anyone struggling to grieve “the right way” while living with a neurodivergent brain.

Related resources

• From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Love and grief with ADHD (Steve Wesley’s story)
• Grief-Fueled ADHD: Strategies to Manage A Complex Combination by Rachel Hopkins
• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
• The Grand Hotel of Feelings by Lidia Brankovíc

Timestamps

(00:48) A word from Cate on ADHD and grief

(03:05) Nonlinear ADHD grief

(06:11) Executive function challenges and grief

(09:34) Emotional regulation and planning immediately following a loss

(11:03) Time perception challenges and processing grief

(15:34) Rejection sensitivity and worrying about others’ judgement of our grieving

(20:19) Balancing distraction and avoidance

(26:24) The importance of acknowledging that your ADHD will affect your grief, and celebrating your wins

(27:29) ADHD and delayed grief reactions

(29:30) Advice for neurotypical people supporting an ADHDer through grief

(30:44) Rachel’s last thoughts and advice for any ADHDer going through grief right now

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give