About the Guest(s):

Donna Hanlon: Donna is an experienced advocate for women who have gone through complex marital challenges, specifically related to mixed orientation marriages. She utilizes her insights and experiences to lead initiatives like Divorce Care in her church, providing support to those navigating divorce within conservative communities.

Karen Bieman: Karen Bieman is a counselor and coach focusing on the experiences of straight spouses in mixed orientation marriages. She founded "Not My Closet", a support service dedicated to helping people cope with the revelation of a partner's hidden sexual orientation. Karen's work is influenced by her personal experience, driving her empathetic and specialized approach.

Episode Summary:

In this revealing episode, Jenni Woodhouse and Janet Evans sit down with Donna Hanlon and Karen Bieman, who bravely explore the intricate and often painful dynamics of mixed orientation marriages. Donna shares her personal story of being blindsided by her ex-husband's coming out as gay after 27 years of marriage, while Karen provides a counselor's perspective, offering understanding and guidance for others in similar situations. The discussion unfolds with a deep dive into the emotional and social impacts these revelations have on families, particularly in conservative or faith-based communities.

As the conversation progresses, the focus shifts to the psychological and social aspects of these unique marital challenges. The episode emphasizes how these hidden truths can deeply affect self-worth and family dynamics, highlighting the vital need for networks and resources tailored to these issues. Karen introduces her organization "Not My Closet" as a beacon of support, emphasizing the importance of empathy and targeted counseling. This episode is rich with insights, making it a must-listen for listeners interested in understanding the complexities and emotional nuances faced by those in mixed orientation marriages.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Betrayal: Discovering a spouse's hidden sexual orientation can undermine trust and alter the perceived history of a relationship, leading to complex emotional fallout.
• Support Networks: Both personal friends and specialized groups like "Not My Closet" provide crucial support and validation for those processing mixed orientation marriage revelations.
• Children's Impact: The experiences of children in these situations are complex, often dealing with betrayed trust and family dynamics reshaping their perceptions.
• Healing and Identity: Reclaiming personal identity and self-worth is essential for those recovering from the discovery of a partner's concealed orientation, requiring deep emotional work.
• Counseling and Resources: Access to understanding and empathetic counseling is critical in providing necessary support and perspective to navigate these challenging revelations.

Notable Quotes:

• "It just feels like a huge scam, you know, I was just… Our marriage was doomed from the start." - Donna Hanlon
• "This is not your closet… It never should have been." - Karen Bieman
• "There's something really beautiful about being in the room together." - Karen Bieman
• "It takes such a battering to our self-worth, our sense of who we are." - Karen Bieman
• "You're not allowed to be angry at someone for being gay… But you're angry at them for hiding it from you and using you." - Karen Bieman

Resources:

• Not My Closet: notmycloset.com
• Our Path: Global network for those in mixed orientation relationships.
• Karen Bieman's Email: Available through her website for those seeking support or further information.

Listen in to fully explore these important conversations and gain a deeper understanding of the personal and emotional journeys tackled by those affected. Stay tuned for more illuminating content in upcoming episodes.

Support the show, a product of Hope Media: https://hope1032.com.au/donate/2211A-pod/

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Collett Smart has been a guest on the podcast and she recently posted some great advice on supporting teens (or children) going through questions surrounding the Bondi Terror Attack. Have a listen and we hope this helps you. Remember, the first 2 weeks are crucial.

Key Takeaways:

• Parents should model emotional regulation and prioritize checking in on their own mental health to support their children effectively.
• Engage in open yet age-appropriate dialogues with children, allowing them to process their emotions and ask questions about the crisis.
• Limit media consumption to protect mental health, as repeated exposure to distressing news can exacerbate anxiety and fear.
• Maintain normalcy through regular activities while providing psychological first aid to comfort and reassure children.
• Seek professional help promptly if a child exhibits prolonged signs of distress, leveraging community resources like helplines.

Notable Quotes:

• "It's very normal to feel overwhelmed at this stage, even as adults."
• "This is an opportunity to teach our children that we are all part of one world and that we actually all need to help each other."
• "Your children will learn how to deal with emotions and these events by watching how you approach it."
• "We can give them that kind of psychological first aid for where they are there and then with you."
• "Please consider seeking professional support. Get support from Helplines, Lifelines, Beyond Blue Childline."

Resources:

• Beyond Blue: Website
• Lifeline: Website
• Colette Smart's Professional Profiles: Website | Instagram | Twitter

Support the show, a product of Hope Media: https://hope1032.com.au/donate/2211A-pod/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

About the Guest

Shane Gould is a legendary Australian swimmer and an influential figure in the world of sports. At the 1972 Munich Olympics, she achieved an unprecedented feat by winning three individual gold medals—all in world record times—while also capturing a silver and a bronze. Notably, she is the only swimmer in history to hold all freestyle world records simultaneously. Beyond her athletic career, Shane successfully earned a PhD from Victoria University, focusing on the cultural study of swimming in Australia. She has also contributed to literature with a book on sports career transitions and continues to inspire through various roles, including her work with the New South Wales Art Gallery.

Key Takeaways:

• Shane Gould's unparalleled success at the 1972 Munich Olympics and her simultaneous hold of all freestyle world records.
• The pivotal role of early identification and consistent training, coupled with scientific and systematic coaching, in achieving athletic greatness.
• Insights into her unexpected retirement at 16, sparked by intellectual aspirations and her quest for independence.
• The psychological and emotional aspects of athletic training, career transitions, and maintaining an athletic identity post-retirement.
• Shane's diverse pursuits post-swimming career, including academia, authorship, and public speaking, aimed at empowering others through personal and career transitions.

Notable Quotes:

1. "Even though I'm the best in the world at the time, how can I keep ahead of everyone else?"
2. "It's very different. Yeah, harder in a lot of different ways… You can't really compare it, but being an athlete sets you up to manage your time."
3. "To be able to perform under the pressures, you have to be responsible to the crowd and acknowledge them because they're cheering you on."
4. "Life is physical… I try to see value in my past experiences."
5. "Transitions: Life is full of them. Moving home, changing jobs, re-educating yourself… I realised this is relevant to anyone."

Resources:

• Shane Gould's Autobiography - Tumble Turns
• Shane's latest book on titled Sports Career Transition

She Wasn’t Born Yesterday, hosted by Janet Evans, a senior advertising creative and Jenni Woodhouse a semi retired social worker

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Support the show, a product of Hope Media: https://hope1032.com.au/donate/2211A-pod/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.