Would you ever date your friend’s ex? What if you knew the relationship was abusive?

This week on the 3L Podcast, Emmanuel and Mimi get into a difficult conversation about friendship, loyalty, relationships and whether people deserve a second chance after a damaging past.

The dilemma takes things to another level. A woman escapes an abusive relationship with the help of one of her closest friends. Her friend comes to her flat at midnight, helps her leave, listens to the details of the abuse and supports her through the aftermath. Then months later, she finds out through Instagram that the same friend is secretly dating her abusive ex.

The friend says she “couldn’t help” falling for him. But was this love, or the ultimate betrayal?

We debate whether dating a friend’s ex should ever be acceptable, whether enough time passing changes the rules, and whether a person’s abusive past should define who they are forever. If someone goes to therapy, changes their behaviour and becomes a different person, do they deserve another chance? Or should your loyalty to your friend make their ex permanently off limits?

We also discuss the uncomfortable question behind the dilemma. Did the friend develop feelings afterwards, or did she secretly want him all along?

Main points: • Should your friend’s ex always be off limits? • Does time change the rules? • Do people with abusive pasts deserve second chances? • Is secretly dating your friend’s ex an unforgivable betrayal? • Should you tell friends everything about your relationship? • Did she support her friend, or study the relationship because she wanted him? • Where should friendship boundaries begin and end?

What would you do if your closest friend started dating the person who hurt you?

Like, comment and subscribe, and tell us where you draw the line.