In this deeply personal episode of Leave the Light On, Tammy Flake opens up about a tool from Heroes Haven that changed the way she understands trauma, responsibility, and shame: the Responsibility Matrix.

Tammy breaks down the difference between an accident, a choice, and something intentional—and the emotional response that belongs with each: grief, remorse, or guilt. Most importantly, she explains why shame is different from all three. Shame says “I am bad,” while guilt says “I did something bad.” That difference can change everything.

Tammy shares her own journey through Heroes Haven, her experience returning to therapy after a painful first experience, and the courage it took to confront a traumatic assault from her military years that she had carried with shame for decades.

She also explains the three phases of Heroes Haven: healing yourself, coming back to shepherd someone else, and finding a passion project that gives your life purpose.

This episode is ultimately about turning pain into purpose, vulnerability into connection, and shame into truth.

If you're carrying something that you believe makes you a bad person, Tammy wants you to stop and ask: Is this really mine to carry?

You don't have to sort through it alone.

Leave the light on. You are worth being here.