SWM 154 - Sex before marriage - when you remove covenant from intimacy. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

In my last episode, I talked about how sex is an act of worship because having sex, the way God intended, gives worth to Him. It honours what He created by using it as He intended.

However, our society is doing its best to invert that by taking away elements of God’s plan so as to distort sex. To make it not something that’s worship and creative, but rather destructive to ourselves, to each other, and to society as a whole.

So, today we’re going to explore sex outside of marriage, or what happens when you remove the covenant from sexual intimacy.

And to be clear, the legal status of the relationship is not the big problem here. It’s the intentional lifelong monogamous commitment to each other. Arguably, many marriages in the Bible are considered marriages simply because they had sex. However, sex is meant to seal a covenant, not substitute for one.

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching
• Speak at an event or church
• Article as a PDF (without mention of UncoveringIntimacy.com
• Podcast mp3

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 153 - Sex as an act of worship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head.

Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.”

I asked her to explain, and she said, “Well, everything we do should be for God. And since you’re the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church, then giving myself to you, serving you in this way, is like serving Christ.”

That surprised me. I mean, I’ve taught before that sex is about more than physical release - that it’s for procreation, for bonding, for comfort, for recreation, even for warding off temptation. But I don’t think I’ve ever described it quite this way: as an act of worship.

So let’s unpack that. What does it mean that sex - sweaty, messy, joyful sex - could actually be worship of the God who created it?

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

June - August 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attraction
• Is using a vibrator wrong?
• How do I get my husband to initiate sex?
• Need something to spice up our sex life
• How does scent factor into spouse selection
• Recovery after pregnancy
• Is using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong?
• How do I keep myself from becoming distant from my husband?
• How can I talk to my husband about oral sex?

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Have a Question (form)
• Join the supporter's forum (donate)
• Manual Sex & Masturbation Survey
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (webinar)
• Why masturbation is a problem whether you're married or single (blog)
• Sexploration List
• Marriage Coaching

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Jan - June 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Do men enjoy cunnilingus after ejaculation?
• Should I feel bad for refusing oral after anal?
• My spouse says I should accept substitutes for sex
• Feeling unloved due to lack of physical affection
• Guilt over sexual desires shaped by past porn use
• When one spouse wants BDSM and the other doesn't
• Sex is loving but not exciting—can it be fixed?
• Why not have kids in your 40s?
• Survey requests on mutual masturbation and handjobs

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Have a Question (submit form)
• Sexploration List
• Talking Dirty (ebook)
• Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire (post)
• Desire vs Willingness (post)
• Sexual Frequency (post)
• SWM 125 - Rethinking Duty Sex
• BDSM Forum
• BDSM Survey Results
• Mutual Masturbation Survey Results
• Cunnilingus (glossary)
• Your Definition of Gross Changes (post)
• SWM 147 - Sexual Compatibility
• SWM 150 - Control, Sex, and Marriage
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (course)
• MarriedDance.com (store)
• CouplesMassageCourses.com (course)
• Marriage Coaching (service)

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 150 - Control, sex and marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God.

Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The key, I believe, is consent and love. When surrender is freely given and motivated by love, it can bring freedom and joy. But when control is forced, it leads to resentment and broken trust.

In this post, I’m sharing some personal stories and lessons we’ve learned about navigating these tricky dynamics in marriage.

Links in this podcast episode:

• Gary Thomas - Substack - A controlling spirit can devestate a marriage
• SWM 108 - What does the Bible say about hell?
• Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymore
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian Wives
• Sexy Photos Course - For Christian Wives
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian Wives

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships.

I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.

But there’s hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I’m sharing 14 warning signs that you’re heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless’ nicknames), but the last one? It’s the red flag you can’t ignore. Let’s dive in.

Links in the episode:

• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)
• Coaching - Sign up for a free call

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship."

And it sounds like sound reasoning. We test-drive cars before buying them. We have probation periods for people we hire at work. We sample foods before purchasing them. Shouldn't sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you're a good match?

It's a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles. It makes you question your morality. It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.

However, it's based on a flawed premise.

Links in the episode:

• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)
• The Art of Edging (eBook)
• Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage (podcast)
• National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study
• Let's talk about sex... and ADHD
• Determinants of female sexual orgasms
• Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage?
• Cohabitation Experience and Cohabitation's Association With Marital Dissolution
• The Pre-engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous Findings

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.