KJ is the nickname she chose, the armor she built, the stage she never stopped standing on. But behind the confidence and the cultural commentary and the perfectly matched lipstick is Kristen: the middle child who felt like the ugly duckling, the founder who nearly didn't make it out, the mother whose daughter became her reason to keep going.

In this episode of Sense of Self, Dr. Gowri Aragam sits down with Kristen Jones Miller, better known as KJ, co-founder of Mented Cosmetics, host of the Queen Things podcast, content creator, professor, and soon-to-be author, for the conversation behind the brand.

What unfolds is a story about identity built layer by layer: from a girl in Columbus who learned to be funny because she had to, to an HBS grad who walked into entrepreneurship knowing the odds and doing it anyway, to a founder who spent a year watching her company deteriorate in real time while quietly, privately, almost silently falling apart. And about what it looks like to sell the thing you built from your own wounds, and somehow find your way back to loving it again.

This one is equal parts hilarious, devastating, and deeply alive.

Meet KJ!
Kristen Jones Miller, known as KJ, is the co-founder of Mented Cosmetics, a beauty brand celebrating the beauty of darker skin tones, which she co-founded in 2017 out of Harvard Business School. She is the creator and host of the Queen Things podcast, a content creator, a professor at Ohio State University, and a soon-to-be author. She lives in Ohio with her husband K'idar, and their daughter Kayla.

Connect with KJ:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kjmiller/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@iam_kjmiller
Queen Things Podcast: https://tr.ee/I0h4kIx-e1
Mented Cosmetics: https://www.mentedcosmetics.com/

Connect with Sense of Self:
Subscribe for more episodes like this: AppleSense of Self
Follow the Sense of Self Podcast:instagram.com/senseofself.podcast
www.senseofselfpod.com

Connect with Dr. Gowri Aragam:
Instagram: instagram.com/drgowriaragam
Website: Drgowriaragam.com

00:00 Chasing What Lights You Up
00:33 Meet KJ and the Show
03:26 Origins of the Name KJ
04:14 Middle Child Roots
07:11 Privilege and Expectations
10:55 Idyllic Columbus Bubble
12:21 Skin Tone and Humor
15:14 KJ as Armor
18:37 Meeting Her Husband
21:02 College to Business School
23:37 Entrepreneurship North Star
28:52 Building Mented Beauty
33:01 Founder Foundation Talk
33:51 Oprah Favorite Things High
35:22 Maternity Leave Cash Crunch
36:56 Highs Lows Reality Check
39:08 Postpartum Depression Signs
40:07 Zoloft Decision Relief
43:08 Losing Optimism Signal
47:09 Reunion Breakdown 2023
49:39 Con Artist Deal Spiral
50:35 Board Ultimatum Hail Mary
52:37 Vulnerability Survival Mode
56:27 Relief After Sale
57:59 Content Creator Era
01:00:10 Multihyphenate Identity
01:02:30 Parenting Passion First
01:03:54 Final Thanks Subscribe

This episode includes discussion of postpartum depression and suicidal ideation, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you find yourself experiencing difficult emotions, please consider pausing the episode, returning at another time, and reaching out to a trusted person or a professional.

Thanks from all of us at Sense of Self.

This episode was edited by Brie Mittan
This episode was produced by Dr. Gowri Aragam and Brie Mittan

A note on ethics, process, and safety:

• The individuals in this podcast have graciously shared their stories and it's important to note that while these discussions are enriching and enlightening, they are not a substitute for therapy or mental healthcare.
• Please note that each guest has given their consent to participate, had full control over what aspects of their journey were shared, and either currently engages in therapy or has done so in the past.

Thanks from all of us at Sense of Self

Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa walked into plastic surgery residency as one of the most confident women she knew. The eldest daughter of Indian immigrant feminists, a person who had never once questioned her own capability. And then the system got to work.

In this episode of Sense of Self, Dr. Gowri Aragam sits down with Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa, double board-certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon, microsurgeon, founder and CEO of the Institute for Advanced Breast Reconstruction, founder of Avara Skincare, and one of the most compelling voices in medicine today with over 600,000 Instagram followers, for the conversation behind the highlight reel.

What unfolds is a story about what happens when the identity you've spent a lifetime building gets systematically dismantled by the very institution you sacrificed everything to join. A story about clinical depression that had nothing to do with postpartum and everything to do with a toxic culture designed to break people. And about what it looks like to walk away from the prestige, the title, the academic institution, and build something entirely your own.

This one will stay with you.

Meet Dr. Srinivasa!
Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa is a double board-certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon and microsurgeon based in Los Angeles. She is the founder and CEO of the Institute for Advanced Breast Reconstruction, with locations across LA and Austin, Texas, and the founder of Avara Skincare, a line hand-formulated with a private chemist for women at every stage of life. She is a mother of three and a growing voice on social media with over 600,000 Instagram followers.

Connect with Dhivya:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/drdhivyasrinivasa/
Institute for Advanced Breast Reconstruction:
https://www.theiabr.com/
Inside Thoughts Out Loud: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/inside-thoughts-out-loud/id1879385691

Connect with Sense of Self:
Subscribe for more episodes like this: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sense-of-self/id1742905024
Follow the Sense of Self Podcast:
https://www.instagram.com/senseofself.podcast/

Connect with Dr. Gowri Aragam:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgowriaragam/
Website: https://www.drgowriaragam.com/

00:00 Identity Shattered Teaser
00:16 Meet Dr Dhivya
02:45 Roots and Family Names
04:06 SoCal Upbringing Values
06:00 Confidence Built at Home
09:59 Eldest Daughter Energy
11:13 High Expectations No Anxiety
14:59 Bullying and Armor
17:11 Money Mindset and Drive
19:22 Parenting in a New Era
22:42 Residency Broke the Confidence
29:04 Toxic Labels in Plastic Surgery
30:53 Toxic Residency Spiral
32:36 Fresh Start at UCSF
35:02 Therapy and Reframing Reality
38:49 Drug Test Breaking Point
44:00 Anxiety and Burnout Fallout
46:38 Quitting to Protect Yourself
48:46 Rebuilding Confidence
51:15 Choosing Yourself Like Cancer
54:57 Life as Surgeon Entrepreneur
57:59 Why People Stay Stuck
59:05 Identity and Closing Thoughts

A note on ethics, process, and safety:

• The individuals in this podcast have graciously shared their stories and it's important to note that while these discussions are enriching and enlightening, they are not a substitute for therapy or mental healthcare.
• Please note that each guest has given their consent to participate, had full control over what aspects of their journey were shared, and either currently engages in therapy or has done so in the past.

Thanks from all of us at Sense of Self

"I was completely externally focused. Who likes me? Who is accepting me? Who's giving me attention? I did theater. I was on stages. I was very externally focused." - Janis Vogel

Growing up mixed-race on Martha's Vineyard, filmmaker and coach Janis Vogel became a master of reinvention - transforming herself from skater to "homie" to clueless wannabe, all in pursuit of acceptance. But it wasn't until becoming a mother that she realized the cost of living as a canvas instead of a soul.

This raw conversation explores the exhausting work of shapeshifting for love and the profound liberation that comes from choosing authenticity.

🎯 What You'll Learn:

• The hidden cost of people-pleasing and perfectionism
• How childhood abandonment shapes adult relationships
• Why being a "good mother" requires being yourself first
• The difference between seeming okay and actually being okay
• How to break cycles without breaking your family

⚠️ Perfect for: People-pleasers, parents questioning their choices, anyone tired of performing

🎬 About Our Guest: Janis Vogel is a filmmaker, divorce coach, and mother who helps people navigate relationship transitions with authenticity and grace.

Connect with Janis!
instagram.com/janisvogel

A note on ethics, process, and safety:

• The individuals in this podcast have graciously shared their stories and it's important to note that while these discussions are enriching and enlightening, they are not a substitute for therapy or mental healthcare.
• Please note that each guest has given their consent to participate, had full control over what aspects of their journey were shared, and either currently engages in therapy or has done so in the past.

Thanks from all of us at Sense of Self

We made it to the finale of our first season, and it's a really good one. We had the opportunity to do a deep dive into Shay's journey of self-discovery and transformation. A first-generation Nigerian immigrant and doctor, Shay shares her powerful story of breaking free from the expectations and pressures placed upon her by her family, society, and herself.

Shay opens up about the impact of racism on her mental health, the challenges she faced in her surgical residency, and the pivotal moments that led her to make life-altering decisions. She candidly discusses the internal struggles she faced, the feelings of inadequacy, and the realization that she needed to prioritize her own well-being over societal expectations.

As Shay navigates different phases of her life, from Chicago to Boston to California, she reflects on the importance of finding inner peace and fulfillment beyond external achievements. She shares her journey of rediscovering her true self, embracing her strengths, and letting go of the need for validation from others.

Through Shay's story, we witness the power of resilience, self-reflection, and the courage to redefine one's sense of self. Join us as we explore Shay's path to self-acceptance, healing, and the pursuit of a life that aligns with her authentic identity.

Thank you for tuning in to Sense of Self. Stay connected for updates on future bonus episodes and the possibility of a second season. Remember, your sense of self is a journey worth exploring!

A note on ethics, process, and safety:

• The individuals in this podcast have graciously shared their stories and it's important to note that while these discussions are enriching and enlightening, they are not a substitute for therapy or mental healthcare.
• Please note that each guest has given their consent to participate, had full control over what aspects of their journey were shared, and either currently engages in therapy or has done so in the past.

Thanks from all of us at Sense of Self