Making Decisions In Life (How Invisible Family Rules Shape Our Life Decisions)

Have you ever found yourself stuck, unsure why you're making the decisions you're making — or why it feels so hard to make any at all?

In this episode, I’m sharing a personal story about one of those moments. A time when I was deep in the decision-making process and realised I was pushing myself down a path that didn’t actually feel like mine. Through conversations in therapy and reflecting on my experience, I started to uncover something deeper — the invisible rules and generational expectations that had quietly shaped how I made decisions my whole life.

We talk about:

• The invisible family rules that shape our decision making

• How legacy burdens can show up in our personal growth journey

• The emotional toll of trying to live up to inherited expectations

• How to begin making decisions that reflect who you are now — not who others expected you to be

This episode is for anyone who’s ever asked themselves, “Why does this feel so hard?” or “Is this really my choice?”

It’s not just about how to make decisions — it’s about how to make them with clarity, compassion, and connection to yourself. Whether you're exploring personal development, mental health, or just learning how to stop overthinking every life choice — this one's for you.

As always, take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and be kind to yourself in the process.

Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro & personal story 03:00 – The emotional cycle of decision fatigue 10:45 – What are invisible family rules? 14:30 – Legacy burdens & how they show up 20:00 – Making choices that reflect your life now 29:00 – Final thoughts and gentle reminders

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Leaving a Narcissistic Parent // How to Emotionally Distance from a Narcissistic Parent

This episode came from a YouTube listener’s question on how to leave a narcissistic relationship — and for me, that brought up one of the hardest experiences I’ve worked through: leaving a narcissistic parent.

In this episode, I share my personal story of growing up with a narcissistic parent and what the emotional process of leaving really looked like — because it wasn’t clean, it wasn’t quick, and it definitely didn’t happen all at once.

These relationships aren’t just painful — they’re confusing. A narcissistic parent relationship can blur your sense of self so much that you don’t even realise how far you’ve lost your voice until you start to get it back.

Here’s what I share in this episode:

• Why leaving a narcissistic parent feels emotionally impossible

• A personal story from one of the most painful moments of my life — and how my dad’s reaction made everything painfully clear

• How shame, guilt, and emotional manipulation kept me stuck for years

• Why therapy became the turning point — and what it felt like to hear a professional say, “It’s not you.”

• What rebuilding self-trust actually looked like (and why I couldn’t do it alone)

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic parent where everything is always about them, where your feelings are minimized, and you constantly question yourself — please know: You are not too sensitive. You’re not broken. And you are not alone.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about choosing your mental health. It’s about honoring your truth — even when that means walking away from someone who was supposed to love you.

Recommendations from this episode //

📚 Earth To Moon by Moon Unit Zappa 👉 https://www.amazon.com.au/Earth-Moon-Memoir-Unit-Zappa/dp/0063113341

📚 I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy 👉 https://amzn.asia/d/gfSBzJt

🧠 Havening Therapy 👉 https://www.havening.org/directory/grid/practitioners-list-grid

🧠 EMDR Therapy 👉 https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Join the email community // Get reflections, insights, and practical tools to support your personal development journey—delivered straight to your inbox. 👉 https://selfdevelopmentcollective.com/email-sign-up/

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Free Inner Critic Meditation

https://selfdevelopmentcollective.com/free-inner-critic-meditation

In this episode, I open up about my personal journey with the inner critic—how it held me back, and how I’ve slowly learned to work with it rather than against it using the powerful lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

For years, I tried everything: affirmations, mindset shifts, journaling... but nothing helped silence that critical voice inside me. It wasn’t until I discovered IFS that I completely shifted my approach to working with the inner critic.

Together, we’ll explore:

• What Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy says about the inner critic

• Why trying to "silence" your inner critic often backfires

• The connection between your inner critic and childhood experiences

• A simple but powerful reframe that helped me soften my self-talk

• Book recommendation: Freedom from the Inner Critic by Jay Earley & Bonnie Weiss

Whether your inner critic sounds like “You’re not good enough,” or keeps pushing you to “do more, be more,” this episode is here to remind you: you are not alone. And there is a gentle way forward.

Resources for this episode //

Freedom From Your Inner Critic - Bonnie Weiss & Jay Early

https://www.amazon.com.au/Freedom-Your-Inner-Critic-Self-Therapy/dp/1604079428

No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz

https://www.amazon.com.au/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1785045113

Internal Family Systems - Richard Schwartz

https://www.amazon.com.au/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/B0D6NL2Y8C

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This is the final episode of Season 1, and I just want to say—thank you so much for being here.

Your time, energy, and presence have meant the world to me. In this wrap-up episode, I reflect on everything we explored this season—from redefining goals and values to building daily vision, staying aligned in our habits, and reconnecting with ourselves in more meaningful ways.

I share what I’ve learned through showing up consistently (which I’m super proud of), and why this season has felt like a whole new way of doing self-development—one that honors where we are now, not just where we want to go.

We also dive into:

• 🌱 Why reflection matters just as much as action

• 💭 The transition into Season 2 and how the focus is shifting to deeper emotional work (relationships, grief, the inner critic)

• 🧠 My own healing journey with narcissistic relationships and upcoming episodes on cutting ties with a narcissistic parent

• 🎤 A new Q&A segment launching next season—where YOU can ask anonymous questions about personal growth, relationships, or anything in between - Ask here

This is your reminder to celebrate your growth too. Whether you listened to one episode or all of them, I’m proud of you—and I hope you’re proud of yourself.

✨ Take a moment to rest, reflect, and acknowledge how far you’ve come.

Timestamps 00:00 – A heartfelt thank you 01:00 – Reflections on showing up & growth 02:00 – What this season taught me 03:00 – Season 2 preview: grief, relationships, and the inner critic 04:15 – Launching the anonymous Q&A segment 05:00 – Why I’m taking a short break + what’s next

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I think one of the most confusing and painful parts of growing up is how friendships change—especially when there’s no big argument, just distance… or silence.

In this episode, I sat down with my long-time friend Dimitri to talk honestly about what it’s like when friendships shift. We’ve been friends for over 25 years, and our dynamic has definitely ebbed and flowed, but somehow, we’ve always found our way back to that same, easy connection. Still, we’ve both had experiences where friendships just faded—or ended without any real explanation—and it can leave you questioning everything.

We talked about:

• The difference between friendships that evolve vs. ones that slowly drift

• What it feels like when you bump into someone who used to be a “birthday dinner” person and now won’t even say hi

• That weird space where you’re not angry… but still hurt

• How relationships, timelines, life stages, and even effort (or lack of it) change friendships

• And yes… that sting when someone makes more effort with other people, but not you

I also opened up about how my past relationship impacted my friendships in ways I didn’t even realise at the time. And Dimitri shared a story of reconnecting with a friend after 8 years apart—which gave me hope that sometimes, the door isn’t always fully closed.

This one is personal, a little messy, and super honest. If you’ve ever had a friendship fade without really knowing why—or if you’re navigating that weird grief that comes with growing apart—I hope this episode makes you feel seen.

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Choosing Ourselves In Our Choices // Making Decisions That Are Less Accepted But More Authentic

In this episode, I'm joined by Dimitri Kyvetos, one of my longest and closest friends of over 25 years, to discuss how we can make choices that truly reflect who we are.

We explore:

- The courage needed when choosing ourselves over cultural and family expectations

- How our similar Greek and Italian backgrounds created pressure to follow "acceptable" paths

- Why choosing ourselves builds inner confidence even when it feels uncomfortable

- The fascinating truth that we regret the things we don't do more than the things we actually do Dimitri shares his journey of choosing himself by making significant career changes, including his decision to work for himself.

We also discuss his thoughts on traveling to Greece solo - a personal choice he's been contemplating but hasn't yet committed to. I open up about my own regret of not choosing myself when I wanted to study overseas in Italy. That decision still bothers me tI did travel to Italy, but never did it the way I really wanted to.

This conversation is perfect for anyone struggling between choosing themselves versus making choices others approve of. When we prioritize what truly resonates with us rather than what's well-regarded by others, we often discover new paths to growth.

What decisions have been calling you that involve choosing yourself? Remember that the choices constantly nudging us are often the ones we need to make, even if we don't fully understand why yet.

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Get reflections, insights, and practical tools to support your personal development journey—delivered straight to your inbox.

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In this episode of the Self Development Collective, I explore why visualizing our future self through creating a daily vision works better than focusing solely on long-term goals.

I share my personal journey of discovering how a 5-10 year vision, while inspiring, can sometimes feel overwhelming and demotivating due to the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. Instead, I've found that creating a more accessible yearly vision provides a realistic stepping stone that maintains our connection to our long-term dreams.

This approach has completely shifted how I approach my days and weeks:

• Consider your current life stage (for me, parenting two under five)
• Identify what's achievable now versus what needs gradual work
• Implement some parts of your vision immediately
• Work steadily toward other aspects

The yearly vision serves as that middle ground—close enough to feel achievable but still moving us toward our bigger dreams. By visualizing our future self just one year ahead, we focus on the next step rather than feeling discouraged by the distance to our destination.

Sometimes it's not about waiting until we can do something perfectly, but adjusting how we do it now:

• Journal once a week instead of daily
• Connect with friends monthly rather than weekly
• Maintain consistency with what's possible in your current season

This episode completes our series on habits and values, offering a practical way to visualize our future self through both daily and yearly visions.

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Feeling the pressure to maintain perfect daily habits? In this episode, I reveal why the "never skip a day" mentality might actually be sabotaging your consistency.

Drawing from personal experience, I share three practical strategies that transformed my approach to habit-building, making habits more enjoyable and sustainable.

Discover how thinking weekly instead of daily, connecting habits to core values, and embracing flexibility can help you maintain consistency without the guilt.

Whether you're struggling with how to make a habit stick or looking to create a weekly routine that honors your natural rhythm, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on consistent habit-building that works in real life.

Through my experience as both a content creator and parent, I've discovered that the hustle culture mentality of never skipping habits creates unnecessary pressure. I explain how shifting from a daily to a weekly mindset transformed my relationship with habits, making them more enjoyable and sustainable long-term.

I outline three game-changing approaches that have helped me maintain consistency with my habits: • Connecting habits deeply to your values gives you a meaningful "why" behind each action • Thinking weekly instead of daily removes the pressure of perfection • Recognizing there are multiple ways to live out your values provides needed flexibility.

Using my podcasting journey as an example, I demonstrate how understanding my core value of connection allowed me to:

• Shift from an unsustainable twice-weekly schedule to a more aligned bi-weekly approach

• Implement seasons in my content creation for better work-life balance

• Enhance both my content quality and personal connections

Discover how consistency doesn't have to mean doing the same thing every day by:

• Setting flexible weekly goals that respect your natural rhythm

• Choosing different ways to fulfill the same value on different days

• Removing the guilt from days when habits don't happen as planned

Join our bi-weekly journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Receive bite-sized insights and practical strategies to boost your confidence, nurture relationships, and live authentically in the face of life's challenges.

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#HowToMakeAHabit #WeeklyRoutine #ConsistentHabits #PersonalGrowth #SelfDevelopment