How do I become a better man? How do I develop the maturity, confidence, and integrity to lead myself well, build stronger relationships, and become the man God created me to be?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge and best-selling author of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, to explore what it actually means to mature as a man. They discuss male loneliness, meaningful friendships, self-leadership, marriage, fatherhood, faith, and the personal growth required to become a stronger and more emotionally grounded man.

Larry introduces the idea of "the drift" - the gradual disconnection that can happen when men become consumed by work, family responsibilities, and everyday life. Many men spend their time moving between work and home without building the meaningful friendships and relationships that challenge them to grow. Over time, their personal development, emotional health, and sense of purpose can begin to suffer.

But becoming a better man isn't about becoming a macho man, working harder, or simply adding more responsibilities to your life. It's about learning to lead yourself, recognizing where you're stuck, keeping your word, and being willing to pursue growth even when it's uncomfortable.

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation comes when Larry shares a very personal experience with pornography temptation. Despite having been free from pornography for a long time, he describes an intense temptation he experienced just hours before the interview. He explains how he turned to Jesus, acknowledged that he couldn't overcome it alone, and experienced the power of surrender rather than trying to fight through it by himself.

Shawn and Larry also explore what it means to create psychological safety in your relationships. Larry shares practical examples from his own parenting, including how to respond when your children come to you with something difficult, how to have challenging conversations, and how to make the people closest to you feel seen, heard, and safe.

Whether you're struggling with pornography, feeling disconnected from other men, navigating marriage, or simply wanting to become a better husband, father, and leader, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that maturity is something we continually pursue.

In this episode, we explore:

• What it actually means to become a mature man

• Why so many men experience loneliness and lack meaningful friendships

• What Larry means by "the drift" and how men gradually become disconnected

• Why growth often requires discomfort and the cost of doing nothing

• How keeping your word builds confidence and self-trust

• Why self-leadership must come before leading others

• How to respond to pornography temptation through surrender and faith in Jesus

• Why trying to manage addiction isn't the same as learning to lead your inner world

• What psychological safety means and why people need to feel seen, heard, and safe

• How to have difficult conversations with your children without creating shame

• How to balance strength, empathy, and healthy boundaries in marriage

• The difference between the people-pleasing nice guy and a man who leads with confidence

• How faith, relationships, and intentional personal growth contribute to lasting transformation

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Discover what your heart may be hungry for and gain a clearer understanding of the deeper patterns driving your struggles with pornography.

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Get Larry's book: The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood

Explore Larry's practical guide to becoming a better husband, father, and leader.

https://thedadedge.com/legendary-fatherhood-book/

*Explore coaching with Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/

Watch the interview on Youtube: https://youtu.be/MFFS13uKAxc

You feel overwhelmed. Something has happened that leaves you anxious, frustrated, powerless, or emotionally unsettled. You feel the pull toward pornography, but you're at work, in a meeting, around other people, or in a situation where you simply can't step away and work through what you're feeling.

So what do you do when you can't fully regulate your emotions in the moment?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau answers this question and explains why learning to ground yourself in difficult moments can be an important part of pornography recovery.

Shawn introduces the difference between grounding yourself and fully regulating your emotions. Sometimes, you don't have the time or space to work through everything happening inside you. But that doesn't mean you're powerless. You can learn simple, practical ways to return to a place of greater stability, even in the middle of a stressful day.

Drawing on his experience of over 3,000 coaching sessions, Shawn explains how understanding your Red Zone and Green Zone can help you recognize what's happening in your inner world before you become overwhelmed. Rather than focusing only on the temptation to watch porn, the goal is to understand the feelings, thoughts, and heart hungers underneath it.

He also shares practical grounding strategies you can use in just two to ten minutes, including deep breathing, journaling, identifying what you're feeling, and reminding yourself of what is actually true rather than simply accepting what feels true in the moment.

The goal isn't to make every difficult feeling disappear or expect yourself to feel great immediately. It's to develop a more responsive way of living, so that when stress, anxiety, or pornography temptation shows up, you have a clearer idea of what to do next.

In this episode, we explore:

• How to handle porn urges when you can't step away from your situation

• The difference between grounding yourself and fully regulating your emotions

• Why pornography temptation can be connected to feelings and unmet heart hungers

• How to use deep breathing and simple grounding techniques during a stressful day

• How journaling can help you distinguish between what feels true and what is actually true

• How to bring your emotional struggles, identity, and heart hungers to God

• The difference between reacting to difficult emotions and responding with greater clarity

• How practicing small, grounding habits can help you build confidence and lasting freedom from porn

You don't need to have the perfect response to every difficult emotion. You need to begin understanding what's happening inside you and develop practical ways to respond when life gets hard.

That's an important part of moving from confusion to clarity, from reactivity to confidence, and from repeatedly turning to pornography for comfort toward lasting freedom.

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Discover what your heart may be hungry for and gain a better understanding of what's driving your struggles.

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn's 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Want help understanding your Red Zone, identifying your heart hungers, and developing a practical recovery strategy? Explore coaching options or reach out directly.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care.

How to Handle Porn Urges | Emotional Regulation | Christian | Overcoming Porn Addiction | Porn Temptation | Emotional Triggers | Grounding Techniques | | Freedom From Porn

Why Is It So Hard to Spend Time With God When I'm Struggling With Porn?

You know prayer matters. You know Scripture matters. You know spending time with Jesus is good for you. You may genuinely want a deeper relationship with God, yet still find yourself avoiding Him, putting it off, or filling your time with everything else.

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores a deeper question: what if the reason you avoid God isn't simply laziness or a lack of discipline?

Shawn introduces the idea of a core belief and the motivational lie attached to it. A core belief might sound like, “I'm a failure” or “I'm not enough.” The motivational lie then tells you what you need to do to avoid feeling that way - work harder, achieve more, prove yourself, stay busy, or become successful.

Shawn uses his own story to show how this can affect a man's relationship with God. Even when someone appears successful on the outside, the motivation underneath can still be driven by fear and the need to prove something.

In porn recovery, this matters because you can end up approaching God from a place of “I should” rather than relationship. The goal isn't simply to add another spiritual habit to your schedule. It's to understand what your heart believes it needs and begin bringing those deeper longings into your relationship with Jesus.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why you avoid spending time with God even when you know you should
• What core beliefs are and how they shape your behavior
• What a core motivational lie is
• How performance and fear can affect your relationship with God
• Why knowing what you should do doesn't always lead to action
• How this connects to pornography recovery
• How to move from striving and performance toward greater trust in Jesus

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz
⁠https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/⁠

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide
Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.
⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link⁠

*Get in touch about coaching
Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly.
⁠https://secrethabit.ca/contact/⁠

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Spending Time With God | Porn Recovery | Christian Men | Christian Discipleship | Porn Addiction Recovery | Prayer and Porn Addiction | Relationship With God | Heart Hunger | Christian Porn Recovery | Quit Porn

Why Do I Crave Porn Even Though I Don't Want To Watch It?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores the role dopamine and anticipation can play in pornography addiction, and why the craving for porn can become powerful long before you ever watch it.

You may tell yourself that you want porn because it feels good, but Shawn challenges you to look deeper. What are you actually expecting pornography to give you? Comfort? Control? Escape? Reassurance? A sense of being wanted? Porn can become a familiar place to run when your heart is hungry, even though what it promises rarely matches what you experience afterward.

Shawn also explains why the anticipation of porn can become such a powerful part of the cycle. The build-up can be intense, but once the moment passes, many men are left with disappointment, shame, regret, and the realization that porn didn't give them what they were hoping for.

This is why Shawn keeps coming back to the idea of Heart Hunger. Understanding what your heart is actually looking for can give you a very different place to start in porn recovery than simply trying to resist another urge.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why dopamine and anticipation can make porn cravings feel so powerful
• Why porn can feel like certainty, comfort, or control
• What you may actually be looking for beneath a porn craving
• Why pornography often overpromises and underdelivers
• How shame and regret become part of the cycle
• Why understanding your Heart Hunger can change your recovery strategy
• How to begin replacing unhealthy coping with healthier ways of caring for your heart
• 
  

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly and let Shawn know what you're looking for.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Porn Cravings | Dopamine and Porn | Porn Addiction Recovery | Why Do I Crave Porn | Quit Porn | Christian Porn Recovery | Heart Hunger | Porn Triggers | Christian Men

Why does my porn addiction keep escalating?

Maybe you started with something you thought was relatively harmless, but over time you found yourself looking for more, acting out in ways you never expected, or crossing boundaries you once believed you never would.

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Greg Oliver of Awaken Ministries for an honest conversation about pornography addiction, escalation, childhood experiences, marriage, erectile dysfunction, and the deeper work of recovery.

Greg shares from his own story and explains how early experiences can shape the beliefs, emotions, and patterns that later influence addictive behavior. He also challenges the idea that you need to have experienced one dramatic event for your story to matter. Many people carry developmental experiences that shaped how they learned to handle emotions, safety, connection, and stress.

The conversation also gets practical about what helped Greg move forward: recovery community, therapy, learning, healing, and taking the struggle seriously before it escalates further. Greg's own story is a reminder that asking for help earlier can matter.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why porn addiction can escalate over time
• Why some men keep crossing boundaries they never expected to cross
• How childhood experiences can shape adult coping patterns
• Why you don't need a dramatic story for your past to have affected you
• The connection between pornography, anxiety, sexual performance, and shame
• Why recovery requires more than simply trying to stop
• How community and qualified support can change the recovery process

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly and let Shawn know what you're looking for.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Porn Addiction Escalation | Porn Addiction Recovery | Childhood Trauma and Porn | Christian Porn Recovery | Sexual Integrity | Porn and Erectile Dysfunction | Christian Men | Recovery Support

Why do I turn to porn when I'm angry?

Anger is often treated like something we simply need to get rid of, but what if anger is actually telling you something important about what is happening beneath the surface?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores the relationship between anger and pornography recovery. Drawing from Jay Stringer's work in Unwanted, Shawn looks at why anger itself is not necessarily sinful and how it can become a source of valuable information when you're triggered.

The question isn't only, “Why am I angry?”

It's also:

What do I need?

What am I trying to control?

What feels threatened?

What am I expecting?

And what is my anger revealing about my heart?

Shawn explores how anger can become constructive or destructive and how needs like control, entitlement, significance, and justice can shape the way we respond.

This episode is especially useful if you notice that anger, frustration, conflict, or feeling powerless often precedes pornography temptation.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why anger itself is not necessarily a sin
• How anger can become sinful
• What anger can reveal about your deeper needs
• How control and entitlement can fuel anger
• Why anger can become connected to pornography temptation
• How anger can be used constructively
• Questions to ask yourself when you're triggered

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Anger and Porn Addiction | Why Do I Turn to Porn | Porn Triggers | Porn Relapse | Christian Men | Porn Addiction Recovery | Emotional Triggers | Christian Porn Recovery | Heart Hunger

How do I know if God is actually speaking to me?

That can be a difficult question, especially when you're trying to make decisions, walking through relational turmoil, dealing with strong emotions, or simply wondering why God seems silent.

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau and Helena share what they have been learning about hearing from God, learning to recognize His voice, and developing a deeper relationship with Him.

This conversation gets especially personal as Shawn shares about seasons where he felt like God wasn't speaking and how that exposed deeper beliefs, emotions, and expectations in his relationship with the Lord.

Rather than treating hearing from God as a mysterious experience reserved for a select few, this episode explores what it can look like to keep seeking, keep knocking, become more honest with God, and learn through relationship and discipleship.

We also talk about the difference between your relationship with God and your fellowship with God, why your view of God can be shaped by your experiences with authority figures, and why other people can play an important role in helping us understand what God may be doing in our lives.

In this episode, we explore:

• How do I know if God is speaking to me?
• What can I do when God feels silent?
• How emotions and past experiences can affect the way we hear God
• The difference between relationship with God and fellowship with God
• Why learning God's voice is a process
• How Scripture, prayer, and discipleship fit together
• Why we don't have to walk our spiritual journey alone
• How God can use difficult seasons to reveal things in our hearts

If you've been asking, “God, are you speaking to me?” this episode is an invitation to keep seeking Him rather than assuming He's absent.

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Start exploring what your heart may be hungry for beneath your pornography struggle and the emotions, thoughts, and challenges you experience each day.

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn's 14-episode teaching series covering the inner world, pornography recovery, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Hearing From God | How to Hear God | Christian Men | Christian Discipleship | Porn Addiction Recovery | Christian Porn Recovery | Relationship With God | God's Voice | Prayer and Faith

Can pornography contribute to brain fog, anxiety, low focus, and feeling mentally drained?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Dr. Trish Leigh, a neuroscience expert who studies the brain, pornography consumption, dopamine, anxiety, and compulsive behavior.

Dr. Trish brings a practical neuroscience perspective to a question many men are asking: “Why don't I feel like myself anymore?” She explains how pornography and other high-stimulation digital habits can affect the brain's reward systems, stress response, motivation, focus, and ability to settle into a calm state.

One of the most interesting ideas in the conversation is Dr. Trish's description of the “silent tsunami” of porn addiction. She explains how patterns can begin beneath the surface and eventually show up as cravings, poor focus, anxiety, stress, and other difficulties that may seem unrelated to pornography.

She also explains why self-awareness is so important. Instead of only asking, “Why did I relapse?”, we can start looking at what was happening beforehand. Stress, relationship conflict, poor sleep, and other experiences may be part of the pattern that eventually leads to pornography use.

The conversation also explores dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin and why your brain needs more than constant stimulation. Dr. Trish explains the difference between chasing dopamine and developing a healthier balance that supports calm, focus, satisfaction, connection, and motivation.

Shawn also shares part of his own story, including his experience of continuing to struggle with erectile dysfunction even after quitting pornography, and how learning more about what was happening beneath the surface changed the way he understood recovery.

In this episode, we explore:

• How pornography can affect focus, motivation, and mental clarity
• Why dopamine can become part of a compulsive pornography cycle
• What stress has to do with pornography cravings and relapse
• Why self-awareness matters in porn recovery
• The difference between dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin
• Why calm and focused states matter for a healthy brain
• How pornography can affect sexual functioning and erectile dysfunction
• Why understanding your brain can give you better information for recovery
• How neuroscience and a deeper understanding of your inner world can work together

If you've been wondering why you feel foggy, anxious, unfocused, or constantly pulled toward pornography, this conversation will give you a different way to look at what may be happening beneath the surface.

Take the next steps with your recovery

Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Start exploring what your heart may be hungry for beneath your pornography struggle: https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

Book a Personal Recovery Plan Session

For the guy who knows he needs help but isnt sure what his next step should be: https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/

Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn's 14-episode teaching series

Have another idea? Reach out directly and let us know what you're looking for: https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Does Porn Cause Brain Fog | Porn and Anxiety | Porn Addiction Recovery | Porn and the Brain | Porn and Dopamine | Brain Fog After Porn | Anxiety and Porn | Quit Porn | Porn Withdrawal | Christian Porn Recovery | Christian Men | Porn Recovery Strategy