What happens when you've done everything right, built the SOPs, color-coded the calendars, created the checklists, and your business still finds a way to make you sick?

That's exactly where this week's guest, Kathy Gray, found herself. Kathy is the owner of Creative Critters, a growing early childhood education company based in Virginia with five centers (and counting). She's been part of the Schools of Excellence community for years, and in this conversation, she gets real about what it actually looked like to lead “with empathy first” and what it cost her.

If you've ever felt like being a good leader means being endlessly available, endlessly understanding, and endlessly willing to make an exception for one more person, this episode is going to hit close to home.

Kathy and Chanie unpack the difference between leading by example and leading by self-sacrifice. They talk about what happens when a director is too afraid to protect the standards because she's afraid of losing staff (spoiler: you lose the right staff anyway). And they get into one of the most important distinctions in leadership: care is not the same thing as capacity.

This episode also digs into how Kathy started using data, specifically staff time-off data, to finally see what her culture was actually telling her. One number she found: at one center, they had a full staff only 35% of the time. That's not a staffing problem. That's a standards problem.

By the end of this conversation, you'll understand why the phrase “protecting the standards” matters so much more than “being consistent,” and why the goal isn't to stop caring. It's to stop absorbing everyone else's outcomes as your own.

• Why leading “by example” can quietly turn into leading by self-sacrifice
• The critical difference between care and capacity, and why confusing them costs you your best staff
• How Kathy used time-off data to uncover what her culture was really telling her (and what she found)
• Why protecting the standards is different from being “a stickler” or being harsh
• What it means to let the company, not the leader, carry the weight of the standard
• Why healthy dependence on your team is not weakness, and what's lost when leaders try to do it all alone
• Kathy's honest reflection on what still isn't where she wants it to be, even after years of growth

Resources Mentioned:

• This Can't Be Normal by Chanie Wilschanski: https://thiscantbenormal.com
• Access Chapter One of This Can’t Be Normal for Free: https://thiscantbenormal.com/chapter-one

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

Ever notice how the first staff meeting of the year gets the ironed tablecloths, the good snacks, and the outfit you actually planned in advance... and then somehow still leaves your team overwhelmed instead of inspired?

That's the paradox we're unpacking on this episode. As a new school year gets underway, it's tempting to use that first meeting to hand your team everything you think is mission critical, all at once. Handbook. Policies. Vision. Values. Classroom management. Every important thing you've been sitting on, verbally dumped into one meeting because it finally feels like the right moment. And then we wonder why the team walks away foggy instead of focused.

In this episode, Chanie breaks down why that approach backfires and walks through a framework for designing a first staff meeting that actually sticks. The core idea: different topics activate different parts of the brain, and a meeting that jumps between all of them without intention is asking your team to do something their brains simply can't do well.

• Why cramming vision, policy, and logistics into one meeting works against you, and the three-part structure to use instead
• How to turn abstract concepts like mission and vision into something your team can actually use when a parent is yelling or a kid needs stitches
• The exact questions to ask your staff so they define, in their own words, how they want to show up when things get hard
• How to build a school theme or headline for the year that actually guides decisions about time, money, and energy, instead of getting lost by October
• A hands-on team activity that gets your whole staff thinking creatively about what your theme looks like in real classrooms
• Why investing in people will always outperform investing in another piece of software
• How to close out the meeting by having each teacher commit to one small, doable habit for the year

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

A few weeks ago, I sat down with Jessica Hampton and Katie Dank on Child Care Confidential, and about ten minutes in, Jessica said, "You just described my life." That's usually how these conversations go.

We talked about what's in This Can't Be Normal, and specifically about why a bigger team can still leave a leader feeling completely alone. We got into the difference between systems, standards, and rhythms, why "getting buy-in" is often a leader avoiding a hard conversation instead of building real alignment, and why waking up at 2 am with your brain looping isn't a personality flaw. It's a drift, and it's a signal worth listening to.

If you've ever felt like the only one actually working while everyone else gets to play pretend until things get hard, this conversation is for you.

• Why "protecting your energy" is the wrong goal, and what to do instead
• The real difference between systems, standards, and rhythms, and why only rhythms create safety
• What "performing confusion" looks like when a director avoids holding a standard
• Why proximity isn't accountability, and how leaders end up being the business instead of building one
• Why resistance to a new standard is often a sign the standard is a good one
• The three-part definition of a rhythm: pre-decided, mood-proof, and identity-giving

Resources Mentioned:

• Download Chapter One of This Can’t Be Normal: https://thiscantbenormal.com/chapter-one
• Grab a copy of This Can’t Be Normal: https://thiscantbenormal.com/

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

Earlier in the week, we talked about micromanaging, the first thing that shows up in what I call the delegation dip. Today we're moving into the second thing: neglect.

Neglect doesn't look like yelling or control. It looks like handing someone the reins and walking away, especially when they seem competent enough that you assume they don't need guidance. I want to share a story that plays out in schools constantly, where a leader hires someone highly capable, assumes competence means they don't need training, and unintentionally leaves them to fend for themselves.

We'll talk about what neglect actually looks like day to day, why it's just as damaging as micromanaging even though it feels like the opposite, and how to give your team the guidance they need without hovering over them.

- Why hiring someone capable can accidentally lead to less training, not more

- The difference between coaching a beginner and coaching someone already skilled

- Why teachers and directors need different mindsets

- How unclear direction leads people to fill gaps with self-doubt

- Practical ways to guide your team without micromanaging or disappearing

Tune in for part two of this series, and get ready to look at delegation a little differently.

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Delegation Workshop: https://schoolsofexcellence.com/delegation

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

You've probably been told you can't delegate because you're a control freak or a perfectionist. This episode kicks off a new series called the Delegation Dip, and Chanie makes the case that sometimes holding onto a task is wisdom, not fear.

- Why delegating a task and delegating an outcome goal are different skills

- The difference between a taskmaster and a profit warrior on your team

- What the delegation dip is and why efficiency drops after you hand something off

- The real, fear based root of micromanagement

- Three signs you're micromanaging, and what to do instead

Tune in for part one of this series, and get ready to rethink what delegation actually requires.

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Delegation Workshop: https://schoolsofexcellence.com/delegation

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

Ever given a teacher feedback and watched her shut down right in front of you? This week, Chanie breaks down the real difference between feedback and feed forward, and why one keeps your team stuck while the other actually helps them grow.

- Why feedback can trigger fight, flight, or freeze in your team

- A real coaching story about a curriculum specialist who was hypercritical with one age group

- The exact questions that help a teacher see her own blind spots

- How often you should be running formal check-ins with your staff

- Who you should actually be asking for feedback, and who you shouldn't

Tune in for a practical shift you can use in your very next coaching conversation.

Resources Mentioned:

• This Can't Be Normal by Chanie Wilschanski: https://thiscantbenormal.com
• Access Chapter One of This Can’t Be Normal for Free: https://thiscantbenormal.com/chapter-one

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

Why do your school's systems keep breaking, even after you've built the SOPs and invested in outside help? Chanie explains the real pattern behind it, and it isn't a discipline problem.

In this episode:

- Why even a $2.1 million consulting investment couldn't fix one leader's system

- The real reason caretakers break their own rules under pressure

- The four-part framework every system needs to actually hold: standard, ownership, rhythm, response

- How to start noticing the invisible ways you rescue your team from consequences

Tune in for why the fix isn't another template.

Resources Mentioned:

• This Can't Be Normal by Chanie Wilschanski: https://thiscantbenormal.com
• Access Chapter One of This Can’t Be Normal for Free: https://thiscantbenormal.com/chapter-one

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/

Two of the trickiest drama symptoms to spot -- and the eight traits of leadership that replace them.

In this episode, Chanie finishes the drama symptoms series with a look at manipulation and inconsistent actions and behaviors. Key topics include:

• The cost framework for deciding when it is time to let a toxic employee go
• Why grief is a natural and valid part of removing drama from your culture
• How inconsistency creates hypervigilance on your team
• The difference between inconsistency and intentional discernment
• The 8 characteristics of a drama-free leader -- and how to apply them when hiring and coaching

If you have been holding onto someone you know you should let go, or leading a team that cannot predict what is coming next, this episode is your next step.

Resources Mentioned:

• This Can't Be Normal by Chanie Wilschanski: https://thiscantbenormal.com
• Access Chapter One of This Can’t Be Normal for Free: https://thiscantbenormal.com/chapter-one

Connect With Us:

• Let's Chat on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaniewilschanski/
• Join us on Substack: https://chaniewilschanski.substack.com/