Sam's body was discovered on November 13th, 2022, and his funeral was on the 20th. The anniversary of losing a child never gets easier. The trauma lives in our bodies.

In today's episode, I share memories and thoughts from that impossible week, my struggle with grieving alone, and my heartfelt decision to bring a 4-legged companion back into my life.

The triggers and grief of losing a child are profound, relentless, and never ending. When I lost my beautiful standard pup Luna 14 months ago, I felt the bottom drop out of my world again. She had been my constant companion and support, she was even by my side at Sam's funeral.

I am grateful that I have taken an enormous step toward healing by allowing myself to love another dog. 💕

As I struggle with the upcoming 3rd anniversary of Sam's death, I am trying to stay grounded by remembering how difficult the end of his life was. The only time I ever felt "safe" from potential bad news was when I was out of cell phone reception. It felt normal at the time but it was far from it.

Sam didn't leave a good life behind, he left pain, suffering, anxiety, and a crippling addiction that he could not see his way out of. He had given up. As his mom, even in my deepest grief, I can't wish he were back in such agony.

Sometimes it's important to be realistic. I lost a wonderful son who had become incapacitated by the same drugs that are causing a worldwide epidemic.

The anniversary of losing a child is so much more than just a date. It involves too much familiarity with everything about the season, recognizing the before and after, and the vulnerability of life. One minute our children were here, the next they were gone. Often, as time goes on, we learn to partially escape the excruciating daily pain with the changes of seasons and activities, but only until our season comes back around. And it always does.

This episode is about dealing with the upcoming 3rd anniversary of Sam's death. My thoughts, feelings, and how I am trying to support myself through this time of year.