Doing real emotional work is physically exhausting. When Mike logs on for this session, the very first thing he shares is that he feels completely "taxed and jumbled". He is asking his brain to operate in an emotional language it was never taught to speak.

Today, we trace that language barrier straight back to its origin. We dive into Mike's family history, examining the impact of a grandfather who was "straight business" and a father who was "avoidant to the core emotionally". In that environment, Mike learned early on that you don't feel things—you brush them off, distract yourself, and simply "go with the flow" to keep the peace. But as we peel back the layers of a recent conflict, we uncover a completely different truth about how this impacts his marriage. Mike's passivity wasn't an act of pushing Rachel away; it was a desperate, silent attempt to invite her in and beg her to help him manage a lifetime of fear. The moment he is able to articulate this fear instead of weaponizing it, Rachel doesn't pull away—her empathy system opens wide.

Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz, three minutes,
and you'll get your style plus what to do about it.
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/attachment-style-quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

More from Julie:

* Secure Love, the national bestseller
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/secure-love-relationship-book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* The Secure Love Club, 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/the-secure-love-club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* Work with a coach, schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-coaching?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog