Letting go of your kids is a skill, and nobody teaches it to you. When they’re small, their survival is your job, so you learn to watch everything, manage everything and fix everything. Then they grow up, the job changes slowly, and your brain keeps doing the old one anyway.

In this episode I talk about why your teenagers and adult children take up so much space in your head, and what to do about it. Seven women told me this week that their relationship with their adult kids is the heaviest thing on their mind. I walk through the two things that have to happen at the same time: learning to let go of what they do and how they do it, and learning to grieve the role you’re losing. I also talk about why the overthinking is really just fighting the feeling, and why unconditional love is a renewable resource with no downside, even when you’re holding a boundary.

I have a 19-year-old and a 16-year-old, so this isn’t theory for me. I still remember bringing my first baby home and realizing there was no quitting this job. My kid was up at the crack of dawn, so I was up at the crack of dawn, even after feeding him all night. Becoming a mom is what cracked me wide open and sent me looking for a different way to deal with my emotions. Learning to let go of that role has been just as big as taking it on.

Key Takeaways:

Letting go is a skill you build, not something you should already know how to do.

You grieve the role you had with your kids, and that grief is yours to feel, not theirs to fix.

Overthinking is your brain fighting a feeling it doesn’t want to feel.

Your kids are not a reflection of you. They’re their own people with their own brains.

What you think and the energy you bring matter more than what you say.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean letting anyone walk all over you.

If this one hit home, come to my free class, Stop Overthinking. I run it every week and show you exactly how to stop the replaying. And if you want to talk about what’s going on with your own kids, book a free discovery call with me. We’ll look at your situation, put a plan together, and see if coaching is the right fit.

Links referenced in this episode:

https://amandahess.ca/overthink

https://amandahess.ca/bookacall