What if the problem isn’t you… but the rules you’ve been living by?

In this powerful and deeply validating conversation, I’m joined by psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach Becky Selbie (also known as Motherway), to unpack one of the most important - and overlooked - drivers of maternal guilt: the invisible rulebook.

Because when you become a mother, you don’t start from scratch.
You inherit a complex set of internalised rules about what it means to be “good.”

Rules about:

• How much you should give
• How patient you should be
• What balance should look like
• What success, ambition, and sacrifice mean

And the problem?
Many of these rules are impossible to meet - and guilt becomes the mechanism that keeps you trying.

Together, we explore how this rulebook is formed, why it feels so powerful, and what it really takes to step outside it.

🔍 In this episode, we explore:

• What the “rulebook” is - and how it quietly shapes your experience of motherhood
• The difference between micro conditioning (your personal upbringing) and macro conditioning (societal expectations)
• Why modern mothers are caught between conflicting rulebooks (the “perfect mother” vs “have it all” narrative)
• How guilt acts as an enforcement mechanism keeping you stuck in impossible standards
• The powerful distinction between motherhood (the institution) and mothering (your lived experience)
• Why awareness is the first - and most essential - step in breaking free
• Practical ways to identify and challenge the rules driving your behaviour
• How your rulebook may be clashing with your partner’s - and what that creates at home
• Why rewriting the rules is uncomfortable… but ultimately freeing

🧠 A key takeaway

You are not failing at motherhood.

You are trying to succeed within a system of rules that were never designed to support you.

And when you begin to see that clearly?
You stop internalising the pressure - and start reclaiming choice.

🌿 About Becky Selbie

Becky is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach who supports mothers to understand their internal rulebooks and build a more compassionate, conscious relationship with themselves and their motherhood.

You can find Becky here:

• Instagram
• Website

📣 If this episode resonated

If this conversation made you feel seen, I’d love you to:

• Subscribe to the podcast
• Share it with another mother who needs to hear this
• Leave a review - it helps more women find this work

🔗 Work with me

If you’re ready to stop living by impossible standards and start creating a way of working and living that actually works for you:

→ Book a Motherload Breakthrough Call
(application only - email belinda@theflourishingmother.com)
→ Buy my book: Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work, and Life

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.