"I stood in the middle of our room and said, I'd rather go to hell with you than to heaven without you. I closed my Bible and it stayed closed for years."

An episode of The Pursuit of God series on the ReNew Your Mind podcast, based on Donna K Woolam's book His Hostage Heart | Encountering the Unrelenting Love of God.

In this episode, Donna K Woolam shares a vulnerable account of running in rebellion—a slow, daily unravelling caused by choosing worldly comfort and relational peace over a life with Jesus. Drawing parallels between her own decade-long closed Bible and the biblical story of Jonah, Donna explores how God uses the storms of life not as punishment, but as stepping stones to call His children back to Himself. The core transformation offered is the move from resisting God’s mercy to resting in His unrelenting love. Donna calls the audience to stop their flight and recognize that God is a Father waiting with open arms, ready to clean up the residue of a life lived for self and replace it with fresh, new life.---------------------------------

For years, I thought if I ran long enough and hard enough, God would eventually just close the book on me. I was living a life filled with drugs, alcohol, and the pressure of choosing my family’s approval over my faith. I thought I had gone too far. But I learned that rebellion doesn't start with a scream; it starts with small threads being pulled apart until you're somewhere you never thought you'd be. If you feel like you are running, I want you to know that the Father isn't chasing you to punish you—He is pursuing you to bring you home.

• The Subtle Start of Rebellion: Rebellion is rarely a cosmic explosion; it is the daily choice to pull away from God's presence in favor of "normal" worldly life.

• The Jonah Parallel: Like Jonah, we often run from God’s mercy because we fear His requirements or resent His goodness toward those we dislike.

• Storms as Stepping Stones: The difficult circumstances and "wild seas" in our lives are often God’s way of getting our attention to stop our flight.

• • The Residue of Grace: Returning to God is a process of peeling back the residue of sin, where the Holy Spirit provides daily cleaning and fresh life.

• • [01:10] The fear that God has closed the book on your life.

  • [02:03] Choosing family and normalcy over a life with Jesus.

  • [03:42] The "Hell with you" moment: Closing the Bible for years.

  • [04:45] The Anatomy of Rebellion: How it starts with small threads.

  • [05:14] Lessons from Jonah: Running from a God who loves the world.

  • [08:14] When God’s mercy makes us angry: Understanding Jonah’s heart.

  • [10:12] The Turning Point: Returning to Amarillo and the power of prayer.

  • [11:13] The Prodigal Son: Finding out the Father wants a son, not a slave.

  • [12:35] Cleaning the Residue: The ongoing work of the Holy Spirit.

  • [13:04] A Prayer for God’s pursuing presence.

  • Purchase the Book: His Hostage Heart

  • Learn More: Visit DonnaWoolam.com

  • Support Donna’s Mission: Buymeacoffee.com/donnawoolam

  Music Credit:

  PIXABAY LICENSE CERTIFICATE: Licensor's Username: denis-pavlov-music-35636692 / Audio File Title: Acoustic Folk Podcast Music / Audio File URL: https://pixabay.com/music/acoustic-group-acoustic-folk-podcast-music-336064/ / Date of download: 2025-07-16 18:52:49 UTC

  Disclaimer:

  This content is for spiritual enrichment and educational purposes only. Donna K Woolam is an Author, Speaker, and Teacher. These materials do not constitute professional coaching or mental health therapy.

"Satan has come not to just make our life hard but actually to take our lives and offer them on his own altar of sacrifice... he does that any time that we deny the truth of who God is."

An episode of "The Pursuit of God" series on the ReNew Your Mind podcast, based on Donna K. Woolam's book His Hostage Heart | Encountering the Unrelenting Love of God.

------------------------In this episode, Donna addresses the universal struggle of "believing the lie"—the subtle, slithering questions introduced by the enemy that cause us to doubt God’s goodness and our own worthiness. Drawing from her own horrified reaction to a misunderstood passage in Hebrews and the foundational narrative of the Garden of Eden, Donna illustrates how guilt and shame drive us into hiding. The core transformation offered here is the move from self-covering (fig leaves of our own effort) to receiving the divine covering of God’s love and the blood of Christ. Listeners are called to stop hiding in the broken threads of their past and instead run toward the Father, who is already pursuing them with unrelenting mercy.

I remember being a young mom, standing on my bedroom floor and crying out to God because I had a vision of Him holding a hammer over me, ready to convict me of "guilt, guilt, guilt". I believed I had failed so much that there was no place of return. But I discovered that isn't who He is at all. This episode is for anyone who feels like they are hiding in the garden, trying to stitch together their own covering because they are afraid of what God will do if they step into the light.

The Four Pillars

• The Origin of the Doubt: Understanding how the enemy uses questions to distort our perception of God’s character and our identity as image-bearers.

• The Hiding Instinct: Recognizing that shame and guilt are the primary drivers that cause us to withdraw from the only One who can actually deliver us.

• The Failure of Self-Covering: Realizing that our attempts to "fix" ourselves (our fig leaves) can never replace the covering provided by the blood of Jesus.

• The Pursuit of the Father: Shifting our perspective to see God not as a judge with a hammer, but as a Father calling out "Where are you?" to bring us back into relationship.

Detailed Timestamps

• [01:09] A young mom’s crisis: Facing the "hammer" of guilt and the fear of no repentance.

• [02:57] Back to the Garden: How the serpent questions who we are and who God is.

• [04:58] The Altar of Sacrifice: How Satan attempts to take our lives through doubt and worship of the lie.

• [07:14] Fig Leaves vs. Blood: The difference between hiding our nakedness and being covered by God.

• [12:15] Run to Him: Why God asks "Where are you?" and the invitation to stop hiding.

Resources

• Purchase the Book: His Hostage Heart

• Learn More: DonnaWoolam.com

Mandatory Copyright

Acoustic Folk Podcast Music by Denis-Pavlov-Music via Pixabay. Audio File ID: 336064.

The content provided in this podcast is for spiritual enrichment and educational purposes only. Donna K. Woolam is an Author, Speaker, and Teacher; she does not provide professional coaching or mental health counseling.

"I discovered that the GREAT I AM is who He says He is... He became the God who says I am the One who sees you, the One who comforts you, and the One who delivers you."

An episode of The Pursuit of God series on the ReNew Your Mind podcast, based on Donna K Woolam's book "His Hostage Heart | Encountering the Unrelenting Love of God."

In this episode, Donna shares the harrowing yet transformative story of facing a fatal diagnosis of chickenpox pneumonia at age 27. While lying in the ICU and facing death three times, she encountered the "Great I Am"—not as a distant deity, but as a present Deliverer, Comforter, and Keeper of her soul. Donna bridges her personal crisis with the story of Moses in the desert, illustrating that even when we feel like "rescuers" who have failed or messed up our opportunities, God meets us in our airless, breathless situations. The core call to action is a total surrender to the hovering presence of the Holy Spirit, allowing the same breath that resurrected Christ to bring life and hope back into your current "barren space".

At 27 years old, I found myself in a medical ICU, unable to breathe as chickenpox pneumonia ravaged my lungs. In that airless space, I had to surrender everything—including the care of my two young sons—to the only One who could actually hold them. Whether you are facing a medical crisis or the "airless" exhaustion of a broken relationship or a soul-crushing job, there is a breath waiting for you that is not of this world.

• The Identity of the Great I Am: Understanding that God is exactly who He says He is in the specific middle of your situation.

• The Moses Connection: Realizing that even after 40 years of feeling like a failure in the desert, God still uses messed up opportunities to reveal His glory.

• The Power of Surrender: Finding that our last moment of surrender is where God’s keeping power begins.

• The Holy Spirit as Breath: Recognizing the Holy Spirit as the literal breath that brings life back into dismal, arid, and breathless places.

• [01:13] – The ICU experience: Dying three times in ten days.

• [02:26] – Moses in the desert: Lessons from 40 years of exile and felt failure.

• [03:54] – What "I AM" really means in the middle of your mess.

• [05:16] – A mother’s prayer: Surrendering my children to the Father.

• [07:13] – The out-of-body experience and the presence of Jesus.

• [10:34] – How God provides breath for your "airless" life circumstances.

• [12:48] – Moving from "fixing yourself" to resting in His hovering presence.

• Purchase the Book: His Hostage Heart | Encountering the Unrelenting Love of God

• Learn More: Visit DonnaWoolam.com

• Support Donna: https://buymeacoffee.com/donnawoolam

Music Intro Credit:

Acoustic Folk Podcast Music by Denis-Pavlov-Music via Pixabay. Licensee: dkwoolam. Downloaded: 2025-07-16.

The content provided in this podcast is for spiritual enrichment and educational purposes only. Donna K Woolam is an Author, Speaker, and Teacher. This content does not constitute professional coaching, medical advice, or mental health therapy.