Have you ever looked in the mirror and quietly wondered, “Who am I really?”

Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are.

In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage.

So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper.

You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ.

When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes.

One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.”

If that’s you, start here:

• What have you been pretending to be?
• What would change if you stopped pretending?
• What virtues reflect who you truly are?

Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values.

Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred.

In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter.

But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice.

That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure.

Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul.

So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?”

But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries.

Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Ask yourself:

• What brought me joy today?
• What drained me?
• What small change would help me show up as my best self?

Small awareness leads to big transformation.

One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this: “My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.”

Here’s the truth: Things may genuinely be fine for him.

But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you.

You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying: “I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.”

Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person.

If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are… If you’ve been stuck pretending… If you feel erased in your own life…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

Learn more and join here: 👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong

Sweet friend, you are not just a role. You are not invisible. You are not too much—or not enough.

You are God’s beloved daughter.

Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be.

You are not alone. And change is possible.

Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.

Have you ever thought you finally met the right one—only to discover, painfully, that everything he said was a lie?

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with media expert and speaker Beverly Hallberg to unpack her harrowing journey through a deceptive and destructive marriage. From whirlwind courtship to abuse behind closed doors, Beverly opens up about the spiritual confusion, grief, and courage it took to get free—and the God who never left her. This is an episode every woman navigating confusing relationship dynamics needs to hear.

Beverly shares how her abuser cloaked himself in faith, family values, and kindness—appearing to be the ideal match. But soon after the wedding, the mask dropped. She explains how yellow flags were hidden in grief, charm, and shared spiritual language, making discernment incredibly difficult. → You’re not foolish if you didn’t see it. These relationships are built on intentional deceit.

From subtle sabotage to explosive rage and spiritual manipulation, Beverly's marriage wasn’t just disappointing—it was destructive. She bravely recounts the patterns of control, harm, and gaslighting that unraveled her emotionally and physically. → Abuse is not just about bruises. It’s about patterns that diminish, devalue, and destroy.

Wrestling with Scripture and shame, Beverly found clarity in truth: God cares more about the people in the marriage than preserving the institution at all costs. Biblical wisdom and wise counsel helped her see that staying would harm not just her—but enable his sin. → God does not call you to stay in harm’s way to keep a vow someone else already broke.

Beverly shares her long road back to emotional and spiritual wholeness. From losing her in-laws to enduring an ectopic pregnancy alone, her healing came through community, Scripture, and reclaiming her voice. → You can heal. It takes time, safe people, and honesty—but freedom is possible.

Speaking directly to women who may not have the resources or support Beverly did, she offers wisdom on safety planning, building a support system, and why even one safe parent can make all the difference for children. → The first step is to tell someone. God will meet you as you take that step.

If Beverly’s story hit close to home, you might be wondering, How am I supposed to be OK, when he's not? That’s a critical question, and you don’t have to answer it alone. Leslie is offering a free, faith-based webinar designed to give you the clarity and confidence to take your next right step.

During this free training, we will cover:

• How to clearly define your problem, the other person’s problem (at least in your opinion), and the problem in your relationship.
• The difference between love that’s motivated by fear and love that’s motivated by freedom—and what it takes to make the switch.
• How to listen beneath the surface of nice words, flattery, and love bombing to discern what’s true so that you can make good choices going forward.
• How to build your own internal strength so that his weaknesses—or yours—don’t get the best of you.
• ...and much more.

Reserve your spot now: https://leslievernick.com/problem

Beloved, God sees. He sees your tears, your confusion, your exhaustion—and He cares. You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope. No matter how deep the pain or how tangled the web, God is a God of truth, healing, and freedom. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take the next brave step.

You were made for more than survival. You were made to live in peace, truth, and safety.

Watch Mike Winger’s message on abuse and divorce: View Here

Have you ever wondered if reaching out to a lawyer makes you disloyal—or unfaithful—to your marriage or to God? Many Christian women in painful or destructive relationships fear that even considering legal advice is a betrayal. But today’s episode is here to shine light on the truth: seeking legal counsel doesn’t mean you’re filing for divorce—it means you’re taking wise, informed steps to protect yourself, your children, and your peace of mind.

Leslie welcomes back trusted friend and family law attorney Maryann Modesti, who brings over 30 years of experience and gospel-centered wisdom to this critical conversation. Whether you're feeling stuck, scared, or simply unsure of what’s next, this episode will empower you to walk in truth, courage, and godly stewardship—without shame.

Talking to a lawyer does not equal filing for divorce. It's a step toward wisdom, clarity, and stewardship. God calls us to seek truth, especially when we’re confused or afraid. Consulting a lawyer allows you to understand your rights and responsibilities and prepares you for whatever path you may need to take next.

Subtle but destructive behaviors—like isolation, financial control, hidden assets, gaslighting, or coercion—can erode your identity and safety. If you're constantly doubting yourself or feel emotionally trapped, it's time to seek clarity from a legal professional—even if you're not ready to leave.

Waiting too long can cost you financially, emotionally, and relationally—especially when children are involved. Without legal awareness, women risk losing financial control, custody advantages, and personal agency. Abuse often escalates, and silence can cause deeper damage over time.

Look for integrity, experience, and someone who truly listens and understands the nuances of covert abuse, religious manipulation, or controlling behaviors. A trustworthy attorney doesn’t just fight—she counsels, balances wisdom with practicality, and helps you discern the cost of peace over the cost of war.

God cares deeply about your safety, your sanity, and the well-being of your children. Seeking legal counsel is part of being a faithful steward of the life, resources, and role God has entrusted to you. Truth is never the enemy of faith—it is the foundation of it.

Need Help Navigating These Hard Realities? If someone else’s behaviors are affecting your peace, we invite you to our free webinar:

I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay

You’ll learn how to set healthy emotional boundaries, recognize what's yours to carry, and protect your well-being even when others don’t change.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: gathering information is not rebellion—it’s wisdom. You don’t have to make big decisions today, but you do deserve to understand your options. God is with you in this process. He is for your dignity, your healing, and your future. You are not powerless—you are being equipped. And we’re walking with you.