There's a kind of exhaustion that a good night's sleep doesn't touch. You know the one. Everything looks fine from the outside, but on the inside you're one smashed glass at half ten at night away from losing it completely.

Listen if...

• You're holding it together on the outside but running on empty on the inside
• You've turned self-care into another standard you're failing to meet
• You track your sleep and still wake up tired
• You feel guilty for resting when there's still stuff to do You know all the things you're supposed to do — and somehow that's making it worse
• You're one small thing away from the tears coming out
  

This solo episode is Ben sitting on a log in Geltwood... literally, in the woods, on a wet log ...thinking out loud about the exhaustion that comes from applying your high-achieving, run-faster brain to absolutely everything, including rest. The magnesium supplements. The sleep tracking app. The morning routine you set your alarm earlier for and then felt bad about when you didn't get up.

The self-care industry has quietly turned recovery into another performance standard, and if that's landing for you right now, this one's for you.

Ben also brings in some genuinely fascinating neuroscience about what the brain actually does when you stop, and why doing nothing is not laziness, it's necessary.

A short episode that might change how you think about rest.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach based in Carlisle. He helps people build businesses and lives that actually feel good. reflectiverebels.co.uk

Support the Podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch Find out about coaching and the Badass Business Lab at reflectiverebels.co.uk

Greg Johnston's favourite day of the week is Friday. Fish and chips, a film with the girls, easing into the weekend. The kind of simple, ordinary joy that doesn't need explaining. It took a lot to get there. Greg and his wife Jill lost their daughter Evie in September 2015, six months after she was born.

On the night she died, they made a decision - her life was going to have a positive impact. Team Evie was born that night. It now supports around 10,000 families a year across Cumbria, Lancashire, and the North East. This conversation is about grief and joy and what it looks like to keep choosing joy even when grief is part of the picture.

Listen if you...

• Keep moving forward because stopping feels more frightening than carrying on
• Are the person who always copes, so asking for help has never really felt like an option
• Have been through something hard and quietly wonder if you'll ever feel properly okay again
• Know what it is to hold everything together on the outside while something is breaking on the inside
• Have been told "time's a healer" and it didn't help
• Are looking for proof that joy is still possible after the hardest thing

Keywords

grief and resilience, child loss, bereavement support, asking for help, health anxiety, courage, joy after loss, mental health, charity founder, Team Evie, Reflective Rebels, UK podcast

About Greg Johnston Greg Johnston is the founder and CEO of Team Evie, a charity supporting families of critically ill children across Cumbria, Lancashire, and the North East. Find out more and support the charity: teamevie.co.uk

Support Team Evie Team Evie relies entirely on donations and fundraising to do what it does. If this episode has moved you, please consider making a donation or getting involved. Every contribution directly supports families going through the hardest thing. teamevie.co.uk.

If you've been affected If anything in this episode has brought something up for you - child loss, bereavement, health anxiety, or just the feeling that you're not coping as well as you should be - please don't sit with it alone. Team Evie's peer support service is at teamevie.co.uk. For mental health support, Mind are at mind.org.uk.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach based in Carlisle. Reflective Rebels exists to spread joy - the kind that comes from knowing who you are, knowing what you want, and having the courage to go and get it. reflectiverebels.co.uk

Support the Podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Episode length: 1:15:48

Not fitting in doesn't always look like being left out. Sometimes it's just a quiet sense that wherever you are, you're slightly on the outside of it. Kim Anson spent years feeling like that, working three jobs at once, stuck and skint, with pottery always running quietly in the background. Now she runs her own studio in Carlisle where people walk in and the stress drops off their shoulders. It didn't happen with a plan. It happened because she never stopped making pots.

Listen if...

• You've got a thing you keep coming back to but can't figure out how to make it your actual life.
• You're working hard, maybe across multiple jobs, and still asking yourself "what am I actually doing?"
• You've never quite fitted in anywhere and you're starting to wonder if that's a problem or a superpower.

Keywords

not fitting in, finding your tribe, creative business, self-employment anxiety, saying no in business, career change, starting a business from nothing, self-doubt, business owner mental health, setting boundaries, identity

Five Lessons from This Episode

• Kim was working retail, pubs, and a stockroom after uni, stuck and skint. But she was spending her spare money on pottery machinery instead of house deposits. The thing you're meant to build might already be the thing you can't stop doing.
• Her grandma passed away and left her money. Kim put every penny into a studio and her parents matched it. The turning point wasn't a plan. It was knowing what she wanted and backing it.
• Within a year Kim was ill from running the studio alongside her school job. Something has to give, and it's better if you choose what before your body does.
• Kim said yes to everything for a year, then spent the next year saying no. She worked out what drained her and now protects her days off without apology.
• Kim never changed shape to fit anyone else's puzzle. She built her own, and the right people found her.

Key Moments

(00:07:08) Kim on feeling like a puzzle piece that didn't fit anyone else's puzzle.

(22:37) The sober story. How binge drinking crept in and how Dry January became permanent.

(27:46) "What am I doing?" The years of being stuck after uni.

(37:16) Kim's grandma passes away and every penny goes into a studio.

(43:57) What the studio became. People walking in and the stress dropping off.

(50:49) The year-of-yes followed by year-of-no approach to boundaries.

Quotable Moments

"I was almost like a jigsaw puzzle piece that didn't fit into anybody else's puzzle." On feeling slightly on the outside of everything.

"What am I doing? I'd turn to my mate and say, what the fuck are we doing?" The stuck years after uni.

"There wasn't even a shadow in my mind that I was going to spend it on a holiday or put it down for a deposit." On her grandma's inheritance.

"It's my life and I've chosen it." Three years into the studio.

About Kim

Kim Anson runs KAH Ceramics, a pottery studio in Carlisle. Instagram: @kah_ceramics

About Ben

Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach on a mission to spread joy.

Support the Podcast: Share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch

reflectiverebels.co.uk | Instagram: @reflectiverebels |

You started this business for freedom. But somewhere along the way it became the thing trapping you. You're physically there every day because it feels like it won't run without you. You're emotionally carrying every decision, every salary, every problem. And mentally, your brain never switches off, not at five o'clock, not at ten, not at two in the morning.

In this solo episode, Ben talks about the cycle he sees constantly in coaching. Business owners who are so deep inside their own business that there's no time to think, no space to breathe, and no way to see a route out. Fear keeps you where you are. Time disappears into reacting to everything. Boundaries don't exist because every yes feels necessary. And the money doesn't add up to let you step back, even if you wanted to.

The usual advice to just delegate more doesn't work when you're trapped in a loop that big. Ben's starting point is simpler and more honest than that: before strategy, before systems, before hiring, you need calm.

This episode is about the gap between the business you imagined building and the one you're actually stuck inside. Ben breaks down the four things that keep business owners boxed in: fear that standards will slip if you step back, no time to think strategically because you're constantly reacting, no boundaries because you're saying yes to everything, and money that feels too tight to allow you to delegate.

One of Ben's clients described it perfectly. Instead of being the thermostat, setting the temperature and the direction, she'd become the thermometer, just reacting to whatever was happening around her. That image captures the whole problem.

The episode lands on one practical challenge. Block out three hours somewhere that isn't your office. Sit with one question: what am I doing because only I can do it, and what am I doing just because I've always done it? You can't redesign something when you're trapped inside it.

More at www.reflectiverebels.co.uk

You love what you do. You're proud of what you've built. But somewhere along the way, the business stopped being something you run and started being something that runs you. You can't remember the last time you properly switched off.

Neil McBrearty has been in the carpet and flooring trade for over 35 years. He left school at 16, fell into a trade through his dad's contacts, and built a business from a van and a good reputation into a thriving shop with a loyal team around him. Along the way he's survived the Carlisle floods twice, losing his shop, his house, and his warehouse in a single night, COVID lockdowns, and losing his Dad. None of it stopped Neil. He just got up the next day and got on with it.

In this conversation, Neil talks about the mentors who shaped him, the pride in his work that customers kept coming back for, and the life he's built through hard graft, good relationships, and a refusal to cut corners. He's also honest about the tension most business owners never say out loud: that the thing you're most proud of can also be the thing that feels like a great weight on you. It's a warm, grounded conversation about what success actually looks like when you've earned every bit of it the hard way.

Listen if you...

• You can't stop checking your phone even when you know there's nothing urgent.
• You built something you're proud of but it doesn't feel like yours anymore.
• You've watched someone you love get swallowed by their business and you're wondering if you're next.
• You left school without a plan and still wonder if you're winging it. You keep going because stopping isn't something you know how to do.
• You're proud of your work but you can't remember the last time you enjoyed it without the weight.

Quotable Moments

"I knew I could do the job, but you just done it. You took a little bit more time and you got faster and quicker and better." On learning by doing at 21.

"Everything you've worked for has just gone. It's emotional." On seeing his shop after the floods.

"I've always liked to be satisfied with the work that's been done." The pride that built his reputation.

"It's hard to enjoy a business though, it's just constant." The line most business owners think but never say.

About Neil Neil McBrearty runs Home Carpets by Neil McBrearty in Carlisle, Cumbria. Over 35 years in the carpet and flooring trade.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified executive coach working with small business owners and leaders to find joy and build a life worth living. reflectiverebels.co.uk

Support the Podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch reflectiverebels.co.uk

Starting over after redundancy is terrifying, especially when you've got no savings, no plan and no idea what comes next. Lisa Jackson was made redundant three weeks before Christmas, came home to Cumbria, started doing marketing for ten quid an hour, and built Acorn Marketing from scratch.

Fifteen years on, she's still running it, still juggling business with motherhood and caring for her dad, and still carrying that little cloud of worry that never fully goes away.

Listen if you...

• You're lying awake wondering whether starting again means you've failed.
• You run your own business but you never actually planned to.
• You feel guilty for working when you're with your kids and guilty for not working when you're at your desk.
• You've got a little cloud of financial worry following you around even when things are going well.
• You know you're creative but you've buried it under client work and to-do lists.

Keywords: starting over after redundancy, building a business from nothing, creative business owner, work life balance small business, mum guilt business owner, women in business Cumbria, niching down, business owner financial anxiety, setting boundaries self-employed, entrepreneur overwhelm

Five Lessons

1. You don't need a grand plan to start something that works. Lisa started by helping people for almost nothing. The business grew from doing the thing in front of her.
2. Redundancy can be the push you didn't know you needed. If you're in that moment right now, it might be the start of something, not the end.
3. The juggle never gets comfortable. Lisa talks openly about mum guilt, carer guilt and the pull between her business and the people who need her. She's set boundaries that make it survivable.
4. Creativity isn't a hobby, it's how some people make sense of the world. Lisa is niching back towards arts and theatre marketing because that's where she comes alive.
5. The financial worry doesn't disappear just because the business is doing well. Fifteen years in, Lisa still feels that little cloud.

Quotable Moments

"I was charging ten pounds an hour and just putting myself out there."

"It's almost like a little cloud that comes around with you. What if that client disappeared?"

"Sitting at my desk is respite. It doesn't really feel like work because I love it so much."

"I just needed to do that thing."

About Lisa Jackson Founder of Acorn Marketing, Penrith, Cumbria. Author of Dr. April and the Rainbow Farts. LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lisajackson26 | Instagram: @acorn_marketing

About Ben Hickman ILM Level 7 qualified coach, Carlisle. Reflective Rebels exists to spread joy - the kind that comes from knowing who you are, what you want, and having the courage to go and get it.

Share this episode with one person who needs to hear it.

reflectiverebels.co.uk | @reflectiverebels |

Episode length: 59 minutes

Career change looks brave from the outside and feels like daily panic from the inside. Abigail Fleming spent fifteen years as a fashion designer in London before she did the maths on nursery fees, retrained from scratch, and started Ben the Hoose, her interior design business in Kendal. Four years in, she's still building, still scared, still going.

Listen if...

• You feel a low hum of panic even when things are going well
• You've made a career change and quietly wonder if you got it right
• You walk into networking events in your own town where nobody knows your name
• You did the maths on nursery fees and realised your old job wasn't going to bend around your new life
• You're a few years in and still waiting for it to feel easier
• You wonder if you're brave or just stubborn, and whether there's a difference

Keywords career change, imposter syndrome, business owner panic, working mum, mum guilt, starting a business after kids, building a business from scratch, business owner self-doubt, retraining, leaving London, interior design business, Cumbria business

Five lessons from the conversation

• The old life rarely bends around the new one. Abigail did the maths on twelve-hour days and nursery fees and saw the thing most people don't want to say out loud. The brave bit isn't realising it. The brave bit is acting on it.
• Panic isn't a sign you're doing it wrong. Abigail describes it showing up daily, four years into a business she loves. Most of us are taught to read fear as a stop sign. It's actually just weather.
• You can be direct about what you want without being too much. On the first date with the man who'd become her husband, Abigail told him she wanted children and didn't want to waste her time. The clarity didn't push him away. It got her the life she was after.
• Building something nobody's heard of yet is unglamorous work. There's no breakthrough moment. There's brochures dropped at suppliers, friendly hellos at building companies, networking events where you start from zero, and turning up again next week.
• Trusting yourself isn't a feeling you arrive at. It's a thing you do while the panic is still happening. The closing line of the episode is about dating, but it transposes to every brave thing she's done since.

Quotable moments

"I don't want to waste my time." Abigail on the first date with her now husband, being clear from the start about what she wanted.

"Panic will come on a daily basis." Four years into running her own business, on what nobody tells you about going it alone.

"I can do anything attitude, until you land that job and you're like, gosh, how am I going to do it?" On the gap between confidence and reality the moment a big project lands.

"Just trust yourself to be who you are and be able to meet the person that loves you for being you." The line Abigail would give her younger self. Said about dating, lands somewhere much bigger.

About Abigail Abigail Fleming is the founder of Ben the Hoose, an interior design studio based in Kendal working with residential and commercial clients across Cumbria and Lancashire.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach helping small business owners find joy through self-knowledge, courage and brave action.

Support the podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in touch reflectiverebels.co.uk

Episode length: approximately 1 hour 1 minute

You know that feeling where your career looks successful from the outside but it's quietly running you into the ground? Rebecca Bird was an MD, on anxiety pills and sleeping pills, so deep in the burnout cycle she couldn't see how bad things had got. In this episode she talks about walking away from all of it and starting again at 50 with nothing but a Canva flyer and three months' worth of belief.

Listen if you...

• You've been working until 11pm and telling yourself it's just a busy phase.
• You know you need to make a change but you're waiting until you feel ready.
• You perform confidence at networking events while falling apart on the inside.
• You've built something successful and you're quietly wondering why it doesn't feel like enough.
• You don't know who you are without your job title.

Keywords: business owner burnout, starting over at 50, entrepreneur mental health, burnout recovery, imposter syndrome business owner, work life balance, career change, self-doubt, overcoming anxiety, setting up a business, starting a business after burnout, vulnerable leadership

Five Lessons from This Episode

1. The hamster wheel doesn't announce itself. Rebecca didn't realise how bad things had got until she was on medication and off work. When you're in it, you can't see the wood for the trees.
2. You don't need a plan, savings, or confidence to start. Rebecca's dad told her to "paddle your own canoe." She set up Precision HR in five days, gave herself three months, and assumed she'd end up getting a job.
3. The fear doesn't go away, you just learn to do things scared. Rebecca was so anxious about networking that her counsellor gave her a strategy for what to do if nobody spoke to her. She went anyway.
4. Some things belong in the f*** it bucket. Rebecca's sister bought her an actual bucket. If you can't change it and worrying won't help, it goes in the bucket. She still uses it.
5. Growth and wellbeing don't have to be mutually exclusive. Rebecca's building again, but this time the work-life balance is non-negotiable.

Quotable Moments

"If I don't do it now, I never will. I'm going to be 50."

"I come across as this confident, outgoing person. I wouldn't have my photo taken. I never went networking anywhere."

"Are those emails you're doing till 11 o'clock at night going to make any real difference?"

"The worst thing for me would be sitting there thinking, well I failed and it's because I didn't do those things."

About Rebecca

Rebecca Bird is the founder of Precision HR, based in Cumbria. Find her on LinkedIn.

About Ben

Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach based in Carlisle. Reflective Rebels exists to spread joy, the kind that comes from knowing who you are, what you want, and having the courage to go and get it.

Support the Podcast

Share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch

For coaching enquiries visit reflectiverebels.co.uk. Find Ben on Instagram, or LinkedIn.