There's a kind of exhaustion that a good night's sleep doesn't touch. You know the one. Everything looks fine from the outside, but on the inside you're one smashed glass at half ten at night away from losing it completely.

Listen if...

• You're holding it together on the outside but running on empty on the inside
• You've turned self-care into another standard you're failing to meet
• You track your sleep and still wake up tired
• You feel guilty for resting when there's still stuff to do You know all the things you're supposed to do — and somehow that's making it worse
• You're one small thing away from the tears coming out
  

This solo episode is Ben sitting on a log in Geltwood... literally, in the woods, on a wet log ...thinking out loud about the exhaustion that comes from applying your high-achieving, run-faster brain to absolutely everything, including rest. The magnesium supplements. The sleep tracking app. The morning routine you set your alarm earlier for and then felt bad about when you didn't get up.

The self-care industry has quietly turned recovery into another performance standard, and if that's landing for you right now, this one's for you.

Ben also brings in some genuinely fascinating neuroscience about what the brain actually does when you stop, and why doing nothing is not laziness, it's necessary.

A short episode that might change how you think about rest.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach based in Carlisle. He helps people build businesses and lives that actually feel good. reflectiverebels.co.uk

Support the Podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch Find out about coaching and the Badass Business Lab at reflectiverebels.co.uk

Greg Johnston's favourite day of the week is Friday. Fish and chips, a film with the girls, easing into the weekend. The kind of simple, ordinary joy that doesn't need explaining. It took a lot to get there. Greg and his wife Jill lost their daughter Evie in September 2015, six months after she was born.

On the night she died, they made a decision - her life was going to have a positive impact. Team Evie was born that night. It now supports around 10,000 families a year across Cumbria, Lancashire, and the North East. This conversation is about grief and joy and what it looks like to keep choosing joy even when grief is part of the picture.

Listen if you...

• Keep moving forward because stopping feels more frightening than carrying on
• Are the person who always copes, so asking for help has never really felt like an option
• Have been through something hard and quietly wonder if you'll ever feel properly okay again
• Know what it is to hold everything together on the outside while something is breaking on the inside
• Have been told "time's a healer" and it didn't help
• Are looking for proof that joy is still possible after the hardest thing

Keywords

grief and resilience, child loss, bereavement support, asking for help, health anxiety, courage, joy after loss, mental health, charity founder, Team Evie, Reflective Rebels, UK podcast

About Greg Johnston Greg Johnston is the founder and CEO of Team Evie, a charity supporting families of critically ill children across Cumbria, Lancashire, and the North East. Find out more and support the charity: teamevie.co.uk

Support Team Evie Team Evie relies entirely on donations and fundraising to do what it does. If this episode has moved you, please consider making a donation or getting involved. Every contribution directly supports families going through the hardest thing. teamevie.co.uk.

If you've been affected If anything in this episode has brought something up for you - child loss, bereavement, health anxiety, or just the feeling that you're not coping as well as you should be - please don't sit with it alone. Team Evie's peer support service is at teamevie.co.uk. For mental health support, Mind are at mind.org.uk.

About Ben Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach based in Carlisle. Reflective Rebels exists to spread joy - the kind that comes from knowing who you are, knowing what you want, and having the courage to go and get it. reflectiverebels.co.uk

Support the Podcast The best thing you can do is share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Episode length: 1:15:48

Not fitting in doesn't always look like being left out. Sometimes it's just a quiet sense that wherever you are, you're slightly on the outside of it. Kim Anson spent years feeling like that, working three jobs at once, stuck and skint, with pottery always running quietly in the background. Now she runs her own studio in Carlisle where people walk in and the stress drops off their shoulders. It didn't happen with a plan. It happened because she never stopped making pots.

Listen if...

• You've got a thing you keep coming back to but can't figure out how to make it your actual life.
• You're working hard, maybe across multiple jobs, and still asking yourself "what am I actually doing?"
• You've never quite fitted in anywhere and you're starting to wonder if that's a problem or a superpower.

Keywords

not fitting in, finding your tribe, creative business, self-employment anxiety, saying no in business, career change, starting a business from nothing, self-doubt, business owner mental health, setting boundaries, identity

Five Lessons from This Episode

• Kim was working retail, pubs, and a stockroom after uni, stuck and skint. But she was spending her spare money on pottery machinery instead of house deposits. The thing you're meant to build might already be the thing you can't stop doing.
• Her grandma passed away and left her money. Kim put every penny into a studio and her parents matched it. The turning point wasn't a plan. It was knowing what she wanted and backing it.
• Within a year Kim was ill from running the studio alongside her school job. Something has to give, and it's better if you choose what before your body does.
• Kim said yes to everything for a year, then spent the next year saying no. She worked out what drained her and now protects her days off without apology.
• Kim never changed shape to fit anyone else's puzzle. She built her own, and the right people found her.

Key Moments

(00:07:08) Kim on feeling like a puzzle piece that didn't fit anyone else's puzzle.

(22:37) The sober story. How binge drinking crept in and how Dry January became permanent.

(27:46) "What am I doing?" The years of being stuck after uni.

(37:16) Kim's grandma passes away and every penny goes into a studio.

(43:57) What the studio became. People walking in and the stress dropping off.

(50:49) The year-of-yes followed by year-of-no approach to boundaries.

Quotable Moments

"I was almost like a jigsaw puzzle piece that didn't fit into anybody else's puzzle." On feeling slightly on the outside of everything.

"What am I doing? I'd turn to my mate and say, what the fuck are we doing?" The stuck years after uni.

"There wasn't even a shadow in my mind that I was going to spend it on a holiday or put it down for a deposit." On her grandma's inheritance.

"It's my life and I've chosen it." Three years into the studio.

About Kim

Kim Anson runs KAH Ceramics, a pottery studio in Carlisle. Instagram: @kah_ceramics

About Ben

Ben Hickman is an ILM Level 7 qualified business coach on a mission to spread joy.

Support the Podcast: Share this episode with one person you think needs to hear it.

Get in Touch

reflectiverebels.co.uk | Instagram: @reflectiverebels |