A restaurant?? Alone? By yourself?? What do you like good food or something you LOSER?!

Hey son, I love you…but did you ever think about my life and your life by extension are worthless if you don’t play the same sports as I did in high school? Good talk.

Birds migrating at night? What do you think I’m that stupid?? Everyone knows birds can’t fly at night so those obviously bats. Really big ones though. With beaks. Huh. See new things every day I guess….

Okay hear me out…I know this deserted island has food and water and all the things we need to survive for a while…but I think we should take our chances in the middle of the Pacific

Hey babe, we needed more drama this year so I told everyone you cheated on me but I forgave you...❤️

Not only have I lost my keys...but I lost my bowl that I'm supposed to keep my keys is...and everything else in my apartment. Yanno I may have just gotten robbed

Well it turns out Australia is the scariest country in the world…and chickens aren’t pregnant when they lay eggs...

Being healthy? Living longer? No disease or pain? Sorry that’s going to be one billion dollars…ooof sorry 👉👈🤪