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Most people go into relationships with hope and a good feeling. Anil Gupta goes in with a system — and he's blunt about why: roughly nine out of ten relationships fail, and most people are on their fifth, sixth, or seventh before they marry, still guessing.

My guest today has spoken in 18 countries, shared stages with Richard Branson, Les Brown, and Daymond John, spoken at Harvard, TEDx, and on Fox News, and met the Dalai Lama. He's a five-time international bestselling author. He also built all of it out of the hardest moment of his life, in 2008.

What he brought to this conversation wasn't inspiration. It was homework.

In this episode:

• The happiness formula: giving × gratitude × growth, scored out of ten — and the pickleball fall that took him from 729 to 1 in half an hour, and how he climbed back before the day was out
• The hundred-dollar-note exercise: why your worth doesn't move no matter what's been said about you or done to you
• The moment he stopped me mid-sentence to correct how I described my own past — and what saying "I had none" does to the brain that "I had less" doesn't
• Awareness → clarity → focus → action → results → momentum, and the small daily practice that starts it
• Why "speak less, listen more" is a relationship skill, not a manners rule
• The three-way test every partner has to pass: integrity, being loving to everyone not just you, and being healthy — emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially
• A-B-C-D-E-F-G: Always Be Collecting Data, then Evaluate, Finalize, and Go.
• Looking for alignment: the dog question, and how a two-minute exchange tells you whether someone is telling you the truth
• Why he'd tell you not to date at all yet — and why coffee at an awkward hour reveals more than dinner ever will
• The question to ask about their last relationship, and what complaining versus complimenting predicts about how they'll talk about you

If you've ever wondered why the same thing keeps happening, this episode hands you a method instead of a feeling.

Find Anil:

• http://meetanil.com

Ready to go deeper?

• More of Virginia's story at http://breakthepatterns.net
• Book a complimentary consultation: calendly.com/breakthepatterns

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Red Flags & Real Love is a Break the Patterns podcast, hosted by Virginia McConnell — Dating and Relationship Pattern Coach, specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.

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New episodes every week.