Okay back to Stranger Things

In this episode we come back to California where some people are telling Mike “trust us with your girlfriend, we’re the government” and his head explodes.

But instead of leading with the note *FROM* El confirming these are indeed the “good” guys, they just mention Dr. Owens… eh.

Also, El throwing shade with that *FROM*. And also FROM is a good show, watch it.

El’s the best character in this episode and she’s not even in it.

In Hawkins Max is diagnosing herself with “death” via “psychic torment” and gives herself about seventeen hours to live.

Lucas has come around just in time to get murdered by Steve with a lamp in the school hallway.

The next morning Max decides to write all day while trying to ignore everyone so... she has turned into… me?

Nancy forges some documents to be alone with Robin again and Robin is like, “You like Tom Cruise, who looks like Steve” (NAH…) and Nancy is like “Girl that’s old, I like someone else now and it’s not you, seriously, I am so agitated whenever you talk or breathe or smile… sigh… what was I saying?”

In Alaska, Murray and Joyce get a hotel and there ARE two beds. He says one year old babies are idiots and it’s kind of hilarious. Then they go give a stranger $40,000 and drink the drink he offers them.

ARE Y’ALL NEW HERE? And by “here” I mean, on EARTH!

Joyce, you’re naïve in a sweet, wholesome way. You’re excused. BUT MURRAY “DON’T ENTER MY HOME WITHOUT PROPER I.D.” Bauman… I expected better, you’re stupider than a one-year-old.

Hopper and Enzo are in the Russian playground and Enzo is like “Hopper and Joyce, sitting in a tree…”

Hopper is like “she’s NOT my girlfriend!” and Ezno is like “right, she risks her life for you because of ‘friendship’”

And Hopper says, “not just friends… BEST friends” and Will drops in from a helicopter and shoots him. (mentally)

In California Jonathon is annoyed that the government agents are lazy and gets an idea. Will and Mike discuss their friendship. Mike is like “we are a team” and Will is like “this means a normal heterosexual amount to me.”

Jonathon comes in and says he has a plan to order pizza from a talking pot plant.

Max hands out gift cards in the event of her death. Vecna does some laundry and Robin loses her shit because of a pink shirt and a bra.

Somehow being crazy works in Robin’s favor for once (or like always?) and they get to talk to Freddie Krueger in the Hannibal Lector basement of the insane asylum.

Hopper does a quick little marvel movie and then eats peanut butter with his fingers.

Joyce and Murray pass out and get kidnapped while Yuri calls Enzo to rub it in his face that they all got played. Everyone in snowy areas gets captured.

All the boys in California get shot at and escape via a flying pizza van driven by Cheech and somehow also Chong.

Robin and Nancy learn about the *POWER OF MUSIC* (for real)

And Victor tells them about a haunting the 50s that killed his family. But they too get caught for lying and then run out of there Cinderella style leaving all their shoes behind.

Max goes to the cemetery to apologize to her abuser for his death that he got himself into (sort of)… and honestly I can’t even make jokes, these parts are epic.

Max is put under a trance and talks to her brother who is dead (and/or in Australia filming this) But it’s actually Vecna and he chases her into his own mind where she almost dies by floating.BUT Kate Bush and the power of friendship save her (and it’s not even cheesy)

and that was quite the episode.

So we’re back again pretty soon. Yay me for being productive.

Boo this guy who stops by the home of Dr. Owens to show him some pictures of Chrissy and Owens is like so you’re just going to let the local police think that poor metal head kid did this?

And Sullivan is like I think it was a girl our government traumatized, we’re clearly the good guys and Owens is like we shouldn’t have ever taken this land from indigenous people…

Over in California, Angela is still crying boo hoo FAFO

Jonathon lets the talking bong drive and they discuss how roller-skates are made.

They get home find that Joyce has taken a wife, and his name is Murray and he made risotto…

Joyce tells them she has to leave and Jonathon is like leave where? where are we?

Mike says “sitting across the table from a monster” and El is like “last straw hair boy” and Will is like “I can’t even defend him about this”

Lucas finds Jason loading guns and sharpening knives and saying “I just want to talk to him” over and over.

Eddie shovels cereal in his mouth and wants the bad news first, always… ☹

Sirens cause him to pull an ostrich and shove his head under a tarp while the others go and find Nancy and she tells them the plot to nightmare on elm street but they tell her the plot to this season. Steve wants her again for no discernible reason except for he peaked in high school and she was that peak.

She wants to go to the library and Robin has to go with her to be scowled at because Robin is poor… (literally that’s the source of this)But good thing because Robin finds out that bigfoot might be real and Victor is innocent and this is not Venca’s first rodeo.

Mike is good at words for the first time ever but just for a second, but then Eleven says she’s different and he’s like “I know what you’re going through” and she’s like “excuse me white middle class male in the 80s, who lives in suburbia… I was ripped from my mother’s womb and grown in a test tube and trained to be an assassin, I assure you, you do not.”

Also, she keeps saying “From” and he’s like J.J. Abrams and Harold Parrineau? that show is awesome. The cops find out that a teenage girl stood up for herself so she is promptly arrested.

On a plane Murray tells Joyce her kids are on drugs and she braces for takeoff.

In Russia Hopper is beaten by his new friend and gives someone bread to break his leg.

Venca gets into the minds of Hawkins teens and punches them in the back of the head with his mind or something. And Jason finds Corroded Coffin sans Eddie and hits them in the front and Lucas is like “I just wanted to play basketball now I’m in two cults”

Eleven is questioned by the police who ask if she wanted to kill Angela and she’s like “she’s not the only one, I want to kill so many people including both of you” and I’m like “she’s literally allowed”

Max steals some keys to break into the school and I’m like “she’s also literally allowed”

Jason is after Dustin now and this finally wakes Lucas up and makes him realize he’s been riding around with the dark side. So he makes me proud and leads the douchebags in the wrong direction, and promptly gets the freak out of there.

Eleven is taken away and then hijacked and then kidnapped by Owens who takes her to a diner and says “if you relive your entire childhood trauma I will buy you waffles” and she’s like “Eggos?” and he’s like “no” and she says “I’m a monster, I think I’ve killed a lot of people” and he’s like “No one cares, you're literally the best, most innocent character of all of fiction now and in the past and future, you're an angel” Well he didn't but he was thinking it, along with everyone else

Max finds out her “headaches” and “nightmares” are caused by an ancient monster terrorizing her with a grandfather clock. Roll credits.

So we are back in Hawkins, and California and Russia… geez!

Hopper is alive! this reveal is meh… and how did he survive the lightening bolts of disintegration?Umm… he fell down?

Max wakes up from a nightmare into a daymare when she sees the head cheerleader has been pretzeled and de-eyed. Yikes.

A plane lands in California, and two teenagers wait on theguy they are both obsessed with and he is the dorkiest person on earth and El is like “FROM”? Mike, from? And Will is like, hug me? No, okay I’ll just go kms then I guess

And the talking bong is like, your cheap ass mom got you theknock off clothes, and Mike is like what is that smell? and Jonathon is like pass the dutchie over here is my best friend because I literally don’t remember the person I was six months ago

Mike is like oh cool, because nothing phases him in that hat,it’s radioactive and bad vibes nor critical thoughts can penetrate it.

El lies and lies some more and Will looks like Chrissyat the end of the last episode because of how many times he rolls his eyes at his lying sister (aww!)

Also… Murray is there.

Robin and Steve want to merge and form a datable person named Reve…

Lucas is puking and we are led to believe that he’s hungoverbut remember Chrissy threw up in the last episode too. I think that’s just what happens when you spend more than one hour with Jason.

Max goes to Dustin and is like “Eddie is Ted Bundy” andDustin is like “No way!” and she’s like “Maybe?” and he’s like “You think?” and she’s like “No, I’m not really sure what my stance is supposed to be, but we have to get this plot moving”

Murray tells Joyce that her boyfriend has been fried like somuch toast and we can all see that she just got botox. And she’s like I disagree with one of those things, but I’m offended by both

But they are both wrong because Hopper is an elephant and an elephant doesn’t snitch (isn’t that the quote?)… unlike his daughter who apparently is a snitch because she dared to get bullied in front of a teacher and the whole town including adults that work at the skating rink bully her like Carrie

The cops show up to tell Jason his hair should not look likethat after sleeping on the floor of an abandoned burger place and he starts singing “I’m just Ken” and my girlfriend was just a mannequin in my life but I’m going to go scream in the woods and then he's like "I’m going to be the most normal about this that anyone has ever been about anything. So where do you guys think I could get some tar and feathers?”

Jonathon says “I’m emo” and his talking bong is like “pfftweed” enough said.

Joyce calls Russia and is like “Can you help me get myboyfriend back?” and tippi hedren is like this is the wrong phone booth and she’s like Murray, reroute.

Hopper is in prison for letting the Duffer Brothers do whatthey did to me at the end of season 5

Jason transforms from being Kenough into being Tyler Durden

Nancy talks to Uncle wayne and he thinks Freddie Kruegerkilled Chrissy in the dreamworld and honestly he’s not that far off.

Fred follows the sound of a clock into the forest as you do

Will is like “Mike you’re a bad friend” and Mike is like “Notjust friend… best friend” wink

Angela who we thought couldn’t get worse is like “Heyjane isn’t it hilarious that your dad is dead” and Jane is like I’m Eleven so stfu and the thwop heard round the world happens as a roller skate finds it’s true place in the skull of “this bitch” FAFO Angela

Finding a lead, the family video gang goes to thehouse of a mythical drug dealer… as one does… and Steve is like “Imma poke this boat” and dustin is like “bad idea” and steve is like “Why” and the boat stands up and tries to kill him but actually it’s Kas the bloody handed… I mean Eddieand he gives us a tearful account of why he’s innocent

Fred gets the Chrissy treatment as Eddie describes it and Venca LIVES! In an attic? Okay my guy, you need a towel or something to dry off, the squelching is getting out of hand.