Why do some kids keep trying when something is difficult while others quickly give up? In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson sits down with Yale University researcher Dr. Julia Leonard to explore the science of motivation, persistence, and learning — and the important role parents and other adults can play in helping kids decide which challenges are worth pursuing.

In this episode, they cover:

• How children develop beliefs about what they’re capable of
• Why stepping in too quickly can unintentionally discourage independence
• How modeling your own hard work can help kids learn to keep trying
• Why giving kids opportunities to struggle and improve can build confidence
Key takeaways

• Kids learn about effort through relationships. When children face a difficult task, they look to parents, teachers, and other adults for clues about whether the challenge is worth pursuing and whether they’re capable of succeeding.

• Resist the urge to immediately take over. When a task is developmentally appropriate, giving kids room to try, struggle, and problem-solve can help them build independence and confidence.

• Let kids see your hard work. Adults often make everyday tasks look effortless, while doing their own difficult work out of sight. Showing kids that adults struggle, practice, make mistakes, and eventually improve helps make effort visible.

• Praise the process, not just the person. With younger children, highlighting effort, strategies, persistence, and progress can be more motivating than simply telling them they’re smart, talented, or “the best.”

• Keep praise authentic. Over-the-top praise can backfire, and as kids get older, they become increasingly sensitive to praise that doesn’t match their own assessment of how they performed.

• Create opportunities for kids to improve. Whether at home or in school, feedback, second chances, and opportunities to revise work send kids the message that learning is a process — not a single judgment of their ability.

Further reading

How to Help Kids Learn to Fail

Helping Kids With Flexible Thinking

Does It Matter How I Praise My Child?