Siblings, Roles, and Therapy: Connection, Conflict, and the “Pie” of Attention

Philippa and Julie explore sibling relationships through personal experiences and clinical work, discussing how children take on roles (e.g., “good child,” eldest organiser, protector) and how grief and major life events can reshape sibling bonds. They reflect on how siblings can remember the same childhood events very differently, how play and shared memories can build belonging, and how conflict may reflect developmental negotiation or unmet needs—especially for children affected by trauma, neglect, or instability. They consider “trauma bonds,” parentification, jealousy and competition for attention using the “pie” metaphor, and the complex decisions around separating siblings in foster care/adoption. The episode also covers ways therapists assess and work with siblings (separately, together, and via family tasks like drawing), funding constraints, confidentiality, and using therapy to support felt safety and healthier family dynamics.

00:00 Exploring Family Ties: Childhood, Therapy, and Sibling Bonds, With Philippa and Julie
00:00 Sibling Roles and Memories
15:37 Therapy Siblings and Trauma Bonds
34:17 Only Child Parents And Sibling Conflict
37:24 Therapy Plans MIM And Sibling Work

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Philippa Kelly speaks with Sarah Dillon, consultant psychotherapist and head of therapeutic services for True Fostering and Safer Fostering, about how her own childhood in and out of foster care shapes her child-centered, trauma-informed work. Sarah explains why children react strongly to birth family contact, how sibling conflict can stem from trauma bonds, unmet needs, shame, and difficulty holding dual attachments, and how caregivers can use empathy, visuals (like her “pie” analogy), and consistent “PACE” narratives to keep relationships intact. She outlines her agencies’ proactive approach, including the Trauma Tracker tool and life story work, and describes compassion fatigue (including “blocked care”), how to spot it, and ways to support carers. They also discuss transitions, visual timetables, linking cause and effect without punitive consequences, and Sarah’s new children’s book, “Inside Big Me Lives a Little Me.”

Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma - https://www.coect.co.uk/about-us

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Julie welcomes clinical psychologist and Theraplay practitioner Joanna Blundell Jones, who works at Sheffield Children’s Hospital in paediatric oncology/haematology and supports patients across their cancer experiences, often especially during and after treatment, with flexibility around timing and session numbers. Joanna shares how play shows up in her own life (gospel choir, board games), how during treatment therapeutic work sometimes focuses on containment and helping families “get through,” and how after treatment she uses Theraplay to rebuild connection, especially when medical procedures and necessary restraint have affected children’s comfort with touch and closeness. They discuss the distinct role that hospital play specialists have in supporting children’s wellbeing with play opportunities whilst they are inpatients, procedure preparation and distraction.

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