“I am a woman who has totally reinvented myself.”

Spending over an hour with this week’s guest for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ was a TREAT! Trudy Howson (she/her) is our first ever LGBT Poet Laureate - a role centred around illuminating & celebrating the queer community… and one that was created for her following her time as volunteer with the Camden LGBT+ Forum and a life-changing commission for the London Olympics. Having held the post for a solid ten years, Trudy has shared her work on stages, TV & radio shows, newspapers & publications around the world. For Pride month, national campaigns, global events & much more. Trudy describes this accolade as “a great honour and privilege… that gives you access.” By access, Trudy is partly referring to political influence & spaces which forms a huge part of her story.

Little Trudy grew up in a high-poverty, working class mill town in a loving home. As a naughty child, she failed her 11+ and found school boring. She reflects how “the only thing thing I learnt at school was how to be a fighter” and that from a young age, Trudy knew two things: firstly, poetry helped her make sense of the world, where she felt confusion and saved her hope. And secondly, that she wanted to kiss girls!

During the conversation, Trudy regales us with her move to London to study drama & dance and her escapades on the scene. She reflected how she started wearing badges saying ‘I am a lesbian’ as soon as she arrived in the city and hilarious recalls “I was like a fucking cannonball. I wanted to make love to every type of woman in the world!” Whilst her early career was as a musical actress, which she stepped away from due to sexism in the industry, Trudy threw herself into activism & politics and joined the Gay Liberation Front and Women’s Movement, got involved in the Gay Sweatshop theatre company and toured with The Harmonettes & The Doris Gay Sisters. All of which has brought her the happiness & fulfilment in life she could never have imagined had she stayed in her home town.

As the opening quote suggests, we delve into her reinvention which was driven by a passion for educating herself, challenging inequalities & a deep understanding of the class system. Trudy shares how she’s been shaped by the relationships she’s had over the years, how she embraces change & an adventure that led to her sleeping with camels in the desert! Trudy delivers some of her poetry in the episode too - the love of her craft shines through. “We all love a poem in our hearts", Trudy believes.

Now is an exciting time as Trudy prepares to wrap up her tenure as LGBT Poet Laureate AND find the right person to follow in her glamorous, talented footsteps. So if you’re a queer poet aged between 18-30 years old who lives, works & plays in Westminster (with Westminster LGBT Forum funding & hosting the role) and think you’re our next LGBT Poet Laureate, get in touch with Trudy via Instagram @lgbtpoetlaureate. Trudy will be involved in the selection process and will be on hand for mentorship, guidance & support for whoever lands it!

As we close out the conversation, we talk about what’s next & Trudy shares some of her thoughts around this as she enters what she describes as ‘the last phase’ of her life. She finishes with a statement that gives us a feel for her energy & excitement… “One thing I do know about me is that something will happen.” I can’t wait to see what that might be.

“I used to have imposter syndrome about being able to label myself as a trans woman for a while. I was like ‘you have to like tick on these boxes before you could even do that’ and ‘who do I think I am?’ But now, very happily trans, queer and just loving life now.”

‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is back for another season & I’m kicking things off with a wonderful guest. Alexandra Parmar-Yee (she/her) is someone I’ve loved observing over the last few years. We first met when Alex wrote an article about the Hijra community, and how it informed her identity with being Trans & Indian, for the first ever Trans+ History Week. Some chance conversations & encounters with a few other incredible change makers resulted in Alex being an Executive Director for Trans+ Solidarity Alliance - a role she’s absolutely smashing along with a formidable, talented team of individuals.

In just a short amount of time, TSA has two mass lobbies, several parliamentary briefings and multiple campaigns & projects under their belts, including their gorgeous Trans Secret Santa festive offering. With no signs of slowing down!

Alex grew up in a mixed heritage household with first generation immigrant parents. She was a shy, curious child and their family moved to many countries - an experience that not only instilled in Alex a willingness to embrace other culture but upon returning to the UK one that also meant she understood what it meant to feel different.

Challenging teenage years are a common thread on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and Alex shares how this led to university becoming a moment in which she could reinvent herself.

We chat about Alex’s recent decision to leave her employer of twelve years & the importance of well-deserved break following an incredibly busy time - which saw her being recognised as Trailblazer of the Year at the British LGBT Awards AND featuring in Cosmopolitan magazine in their article exploring life for Trans+ people one year on from the Supreme Court ruling.

Plus there’s more including Alex’s passion for community, her love of volunteering being shaped by her mum and what it means to meet Big Brother’s Trans icon Nadia earlier this year. ENJOY!

Oh & whilst you’re tuning into this gorgeous conversion, you can find out more about how to support the Trans Solidarity Alliance here and donate to or grab your Trans Secret Santa Christmas cards here!

“I joined a church in my early 20s that I was in for over a decade and they became like a surrogate family to me. They did everything for me. They were there for me through so many things including my daughter being ill & my house burning down. And then I told them I was a lesbian & I never heard from them again.”

The intersection of religion & sexuality is a complex topic for many people in the LGBTQ+ community as this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is too aware.

SC Nealy (they/she) is a Washington DC based therapist and Founding Director of the LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative. They’re also a best-selling author of 30+ fiction books yet their new book ‘Healing Sacred Wounds - A Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is a huge departure from their regular offering. Having specialised in this alongside complex PDST & LGBTQIA+ mental health, SC brings this book to life as part self-help guide, part bio enriched with expertise & life experience written to wrap its arms around anyone who has endured emotional wounds, trauma, and spiritual hurt that come from negative religious experience.

Little SC was raised in a pseudo-cult area in Southern Virginia and describes it as ‘very much what you would stereotypically think of when you think of a cult’ - conservative, evangelical & controlled. SC’s upbringing was beyond tough - they were sexually abused by someone in power, had their sexuality debated before they even had the language to understand it, blamed for their parents divorce and kicked out of home at just 13 years old. More than any young person should bear.

SC didn’t think they’d make it to 18 years old and when I ask them what kept them here, they reply “Honestly, anger for a long time. A refusal to give up. And spite maybe. Like, you’re not gonna get one over on me.” As the opening statement suggests, this wasn’t the end of SC’s mistreatment at the hands of religion.

However, whilst SC’s origin story is very much rooted in religious trauma, today they’re living a very queer life with a beautiful blended family & community around them. We discuss parenting, including SC wanting their daughter to grow up to challenge authority, and how they’re a bad employee but a really great boss. We also discuss conquering FOMO and SC’s enthusiasm for chopping vegetables as they joke, “You just give me a row of peppers & great time!”

What a final episode for this season. Get stuck in…

PRE-ORDER SC’ NEW BOOK! ‘Healing Sacred Wounds, a Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is released on 20 August and you can pre-order it now. I was lucky enough to read the book ahead of our conversation and as someone who has a tricky past with religion myself, it does what it sets out to do and I highly recommend it. As always, please order from an independent/ queer retailer if you can.

Please note | The episode contains sensitive topics around mental health, sexual abuse & violence and other potentially triggering issues so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I started looking back and thinking ‘why is it I want to be a general therapist?’ I realised it's because there was still some internalised homophobia. And I thought ‘I need to fight against this. I'm not going down this avenue. Let's do something about that’.”

Overcoming shame & embracing who we are is a huge part of why Pride Month exists and it’s a topic I dive into with Dhiren Doshi-Smith (he/they), this week’s brilliant guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Dhiren is a counsellor, public speaker & model and was recently appointed as an ambassador for ADHD UK. He’s incredibly passionate about authenticity and his work centres this alongside neurodiversity, mental health & body image amongst other topics. Many of these close to my own heart so it was a real treat to delve into many of these during our chat as well as finding out more about Dhiren & his origin story…

Little Dhiren grew up in East Ham where his family had a shop & they were well known in the community. Dhiren describes his younger self as a ‘good Indian boy at school’ and ‘one of the geeks’ - he was quiet & reserved. He stayed that way until later in life when his mum sadly passed away and Dhiren fondly shares what he misses the most about her. It was then that he realised that life is too short and he started to address some of his shame.

Originally on a path towards a career in IT, a breakdown followed by a career break are what led to Dhiren pursuing his goal of becoming a therapist & where he found himself focusing more on inclusion. A great deal of this was shaped by his own experience too which he puts into action not just through his practice but also as a volunteer for various organisations including London Friend, Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline & QueerWell.

I could have chatted to Dhiren for hours. Other areas we cover include sex education, body confidence, the importance of community, contentment, boundaries & how these days, Dhiren says, “I’m dancing for me.”

Please note | We cover some sensitive topics in this conversation around mental health, grief & more so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Being proud is something that I never thought I would feel. And I'm not only proud of myself. I'm proud of everybody else that's on this journey. It takes real guts, strength and persistence.”

It’s Pride Month and this statement from the latest episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ couldn’t be more timely. James Dean (he/him) is a community facilitator, activist and pet sitter and co-leads the Not A Phase Trans+ Connect Later in Life Edition - a peer support group for Trans men & Transmasculine folk. I’ve followed James for a while on Instagram and his content is PURE JOY! This was actually our first chat and I was so excited to get into it…

Little James was a real tomboy and always up to mischief. “If you're clean, I know that you're up to something. But if you're mucky, we know you're doing your normal stuff,” his mother would say. Growing up was a ‘rough ride’ and James was bullied relentlessly leading to mental health issues, depression & self harm at a young age. James recounts a heartbreaking conversation with a teacher whereby he was unable to disclose how he was feeling as a result of Section 28 - the impact of which lives on.

When he first saw an openly Trans person on Loose Women, who James now calls a friend, he suddenly realised ‘that’s me’ and he began to manifest who he was on the inside. He’s careful to say that whilst he doesn’t use the word immediately lightly, he experienced 100% fold changes in his mental health when he started to transition.

We chat through James’ career from being a lifeguard to working in retail & later an inclusion consultant - and he shares a wonderful story about this latter experience. James originally wanted to be a vet so it’s not a surprise that he’s now a fully booked & busy pet-sitter which he loves. He cherishes the acceptance his clients have shown him as they’ve witnessed his transition.

We discuss authenticity, joy, travels with his partner, his recent Trans in the City accolade & more. Lightbulb moments crop up a number of times and each has played a role in the best adventure of his life so far - becoming James. “I want to be here as long as possible now,” says James. And so do we!

Listen in to this gorgeous conversation ASAP.

Please note | Conversations around mental health, depression, self harm & the current landscape for Trans+ people up so please take care of yourself whilst listening

“My education was stolen from me because I was gay.”

That statement is exactly why we’ve always needed Pride Month - since it began through to today.

In this episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ I’m over the moon to be joined by Nicola Fenton (she/her). Nicola makes up one half of the wonderful humans of the Older Queer Voices Podcast alongside her wife Raga D’Silva (my first ever podcast guest & dear friend). She’s also a self-described ‘professional event-going queer’ and it’s always a joy to bump into them at various events! Nicola and Raga come as a team in every sense of the word and we chat about the incredible work they’re doing to bring visibility & a platform for LGBTQ+ elders.

Whilst Raga’s story is very much out there, as she does more public speaking, I was really keen to learn about Nicola’s origin story…

Little Nicola was born in Auckland, New Zealand and she was always out & about playing. She despised wearing dresses and after a doctor advised her mother to ‘buy her a pair of shorts’, she suddenly found freedom. It’s a glorious anecdote that has shaped her outlook today.

Nicola was a bright student yet a conversation with her Head Teacher after coming out led to Nicola being kicked out of school. She soon found herself standing outside a book store which led to her finding her people though reading lesbians romance novels and attending protests & marches. She suddenly found a place where she belonged. Community was and has always been fundamental to Nicola and this is evident today.

We talk through Nicola’s career from her first role as postie through to working for a creative agency & the world of events.

Nicola shares how her inclusion mindset began early through learning about Apartheid, indigenous communities & HIV, how experiencing a stroke amongst other health conditions has instilled in her a passion for her health & life and her pride in raising two children to be beautiful human beings.

Have a listen to find out about Older Queer Voices & their work, challenging the young-centric culture in the LGBTQ+ community and why Nicola calls me ‘Glitter Neil’. ENJOY!

“I am in all the circles that make me feel seen and there's nowhere really in my life that I feel like I need to hide anymore. Little me would be so happy.”

I’m kicking off my Pride mini-season of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ chatting to the adorable, hilarious & multi-talented Ki Griffin (he/they). Ki is an actor, comedian, community advocate, educator & facilitator, public speaker & more. They co-facilitate Not-A-Phase’s Trans+ Connect Enby Edition, a peer support group, alongside the equally brilliant Ben Pechey, former ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ guest & Ki’s “work-wife” and Ki has also just joined the team at Voda, everyone’s favourite LGBTQIA+ Mental Health App. It’s a busy time for Ki and even more so as Pride season begins…

Little Ki grew up in London in a loving home and was full of curiosity and describes their younger self as “the sweetest & loveliest” who was simply trying to be the best human they could be. Ki recalls being a happy kid until they started secondary school - an intergenerational experience for many of us in LGBTQ+ community which we discuss.

At 14 years old, Ki began to grapple with being Intersex & their sexuality after being outed which led to struggles with their mental health. Thankfully they share how their family were “the best support network” and they were able to retreat to the safety of their home & the internet.

We chat about Ki’s career journey. They wanted to be a paramedic growing up as they knew they wanted to help people - something still very prominent in the Ki we know & love today. They refer to their journey into inclusion as a ‘stumble’ and similarly, becoming an actor was never planned. Ki shares the story of their audition for Hollyoaks and how they went on to become the first Non-Binary character in a British soap. We also discuss Ki’s foray into comedy - having just performed a cracking set during Trans+ History Week - with them ramping this up. Watch this space!

Confidence & authenticity, blending self expression with professional roles, joy as an act of rebellion and navigating a world on fire are topics that come up and Ki uttered one of my favourite statements ever… “Be a feral little gremlin.” If you say so! Go have a listen…

Please note | Conversations around mental health, depression & anxiety come up so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“We really focus on providing access, supporting predominantly black women, into the events industry where predominantly we are on the stage being the entertainers and the performers, but we're not seen behind the scenes. It’s really important for me to support many who look like me to come through into the industry and so they see there's actually people who look like us doing all the hard work behind the scenes.”

Having been in the events industry for almost 20 years, I still find the lack of representation shocking, particularly at leadership level. So it was brilliant to welcome Nadu Placca Rodriguez (she/her), a fellow events professional and all-round badass businesswoman, to ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and a fantastic guest as Lesbian Visibility Week comes to an end. Nadu is the Founder of The Zoo XYZ - a global creative & purpose-driven events agency which centres operational excellence, expertise & collaboration - and Co-Founder of The Association of Black Event Professionals.

A highly accomplished International Event Architect, Nadu has set up offices for The Zoo XYZ in London, New York & Ghana and we explore how the current landscape differs between them (there’s a fair bit of events focused chat in here for all you event profs!).

Little Nadu grew up in SouthEast London and had a fun & adventurous childhood. She recalls how she would build relationships with older kids so they’d have her back and understood hierarchy from a young age. A year of schooling in Africa gave her a real appreciation for the richness of culture which has shaped her today.

At 19 years old, Nadu had a baby and was ‘thrown into the reality of being a young mum’ and decided that as she was responsible for a small being, she should probably do something with her life. She was soon working three jobs and threw herself into exploring opportunities to figure out what she wanted to do.

She soon found herself in the world of events and she recalls the moment she realised it has shifted from simply a job to a lifelong career. And listen, it’s certainly not one without stress! When I ask Nadu what keeps her going when things gets tough, she hilarious responds “Babe I ain’t got no choice!! I've tried to quit many times. I've just resided to the fact that you try to quit enough times. The universe has not let you. So just continue.” I know this feeling well.

Right now is an exciting time for Nadu as she was recently appointed to the EVCOM board and has just joined the Community Advice Group (CAG) for Black on the Square - PLUS there's other stuff in the pipeline too so STAY TUNED for that!

We chat about Nadu’s pride in her daughter, the joy of yoga & driving around listening to loud music in her pink Mini Cooper and career failures.

If you’re interested in working with The Zoo XYZ, Nadu says ‘come to the experts!’ and she’s all about picking up the phone & having a conversation so get in touch!