“We don't see a lot of examples of trans people thriving. We see a lot of experiences of trans people having hardship, constantly having to explain themselves and having to justify their existence. We’re not seeing enough examples of trans people just growing up and being a bit boring… having a dog, a life and hobbies.”

Encouraging people to look beyond the headlines when it comes to Trans+ folk is something I’m passionate about so it was a real privilege to chat to Octavian Starr (he/him) during this week’s episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Octavian is a highly experienced leader in diversity and inclusion, the Founder and Director of Unboxd, and has led numerous trans-centred, LGBTQ+ and intersectional initiatives in EDI training and consultancy.

Octavian’s background includes positions in community arts, social justice, and advocacy for the LGBTIQ+ community. His work with trans youth, shaped by his own experiences, has recently seen him take on ‘Trans Secret Santa’ -a community-led project sponsored by the Trans-Solidarity Alliance - which is super wholesome and brings joy to young trans people under 25 with messages of community support and gifts for the holiday season.

Little Octavian grew up in Colorado in a military family and he had a very vivid imagination and exhibited autistic behaviours. He has a positive experience of being himself - he played saxophone, competed in marching band competitions & loved getting lost in music. Octovian struggled to make friends and reflecting on this, he felt other kids spoke ‘a hidden language I couldn’t speak’.

His family have always been largely supportive. He recounts both of his coming out stories - firstly as a lesbian, later as trans - and despite a few bumps along the way, his mother & grandparents accepted him. “Are you happy? Are you healthy”, his grandad would ask and as long as the answer was yes, that was fine by him.

Octavian’s activism started very young with his mom driving him to LGBTQ+ youth groups. Career wise, he wanted to be ‘all the things’ (which I relate to) including a primate psychologist having been inspired by Jane Goodall. With a burning desire to help people, he’s held many roles and his journey into inclusion was a slow burner as a result of his degree placements.

Octavian talks a lot about navigating boundaries in relationships as well as loss & accountability, his recent move to the coast which feels like living in a postcard, his chihuahua Reggie and why we should embrace the intense need for change. This really is a great listen!

Stay up to date with Trans Secret Santa and Trans Solidarity Alliance right here.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide & loss, coming out & the current landscape for Trans+ people. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I'm trying to be one of the voices to keep Northern Ireland on the map and having that voice from a rural background is important because it gives people coming from that opportunity to realise that they can be themselves regardless if they're gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or whatever they identify as.”

Being the visible representation that many queer folk need, especially those in rural communities, is exactly why Lauren Dempsey (she/her), this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ has just been shortlist for this year’s British LGBTQ+ Award. I met Lauren last year at the Trans in the City Awards where I saw her recognised for her activism work in Northern Ireland so it’s wonderful to see the continual celebration of how she is showing up for her community.

Lauren also works in the corporate sector and we explore the balancing of both worlds including the importance of bringing in your authenticity & personality into the workplace. She shares a fantastic anecdote about a colleague’s reaction to her pole dancing hobby - something she’s super passionate about! It’s another area of her life in which, today, she’s proud & visible as a trans woman.

Born with a cleft palette, people assumed that Little Lauren would encounter a lot of challenges. “This child will be successful,”a doctor said to Lauren’s mother in the hospital. And whilst Lauren shares how acceptance around her transness is an ongoing issue within her family, Lauren lovingly talks about how her mum is a source of constant support. Family dynamics, boundaries & generation trauma are all topics we bounce between during our chat as well as her difficult coming out story - which was influenced by both going through therapy & the pandemic which gave her ‘a chance to breathe’. And resulted in her striking blue hair!

Lauren shares her pride in getting her degree against the odds and states “I’m the version of my own success.” She loves seeing others thrive and emphasises the need for good support networks around you. The conversation also goes into Lauren’s travel adventures, the legacy of Nadia Almada from Big Brother & Lauren’s love of the American Pie movie.

Let's wish Lauren ALL THE LUCK for the British LGBTQ+ Awards. What a guest to mark St. Patrick’s Day - ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide, coming out & more. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“September 11 was very prominent for me. When that happened it really was the first time that I was aware of how society perceived me. As someone with a Muslim name. That's where I started to get a real sense of this injustice and it boiling down to the colour of your skin and the religion that you're practicing.”

‘Pause. And Rewind…’ this week is all about the brilliant Kamran Khan (He/Him). Kam is a Workforce Transformation Consultant and Equity, Diversity & Inclusion (EDI) Specialist. He is currently leading an Elton John AIDS Foundation pilot to deliver life-changing preventative HIV medication (PrEP) and education to under-served communities in Liverpool, Brighton & Hove and West Sussex. Now 6+ months in, they’re seeing incredible results!

Little Kam grew up in North London in a multi-cultural & multi-religious house and he reflects on the bubbling conflict between his mum & dad growing up. His childhood was very ‘active & busy’ and Kam shares how sacrifice & hard work, with immigrant parents, is part of his family’s story. He was an inquisitive child and ‘always a bit of a rebel’ according to his father. Kam shares a fantastic anecdote that speaks to this perfectly!

The move from primary school to secondary was a big shift for Kam which he describes as an ‘insular experience’ which lasted for many years as he worked through realisations around his identity - both internally & through society’s lens.

I know Kam through his work as Volunteer Director for Pride in Education where he works alongside our wonderful mutual friend (& former podcast guest) Laila El Metoui and we chat about our mutual love of volunteering & its importance in our lives. It’s definitely shaped what Kam is doing now but it’s not the route he thought it would be which is something we also explore in depth when discussing Kam’s career. “Uni did not prepare me for the real world,” he shares.

There’s so much in this episode. Kam states how discovering his queerness has been the best adventure & opened up the universe. We talk about the importance of embracing discomfort, his passion for community shines through and joy - especially when it comes to his partner & his two pugs (PugDad life being another commonality we share).

“Remember, your heart is soft”, Kam urges listeners to keep in mind in his closing words. The world needs to hear that right now - have a listen.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation includes sensitive discussions around racism, coming to terms with your sexuality, genocide & the general state of the world today. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“All my team members, who were identifying as men, were looking at me as someone hired only because of their perceived gender and not because of my competencies. And so I knew from the very first day that it would be a fight just to be recognized as a valid researcher among them. This threw lots of doubts on my first year.”

This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind… is Cécile Deprez (they/them) and in this snapshot of our conversation for the podcast, they’re reflecting on the moment they landed their role as a scientific researcher at the prestigious German Aerospace Center (DLR), with expertise in satellite positioning and orbit determination. Assumptions, expectations & perceptions around gender is a common topic in this episode when it comes to Cecile’s career in STEM as well as their childhood & relationships.

When reflecting on their younger self, Cecile was convinced they didn’t have much of a personality yet clearly recalls their activist inclinations at an early age as they stood up for others. This is no surprise today as Cecile is also a public speaker on topics such as equality, representation & challenging microaggressions.

Cecile shares how they love their family deeply and how their coming out to them was a bit of a flop in the most loving way! Following a long fight against cancer, Cecile’s father opted for euthanasia and they speak about their father’s last wish for unity between their siblings. Their grandmother also chose assisted end of life and it was both beautiful & fascinating to me to hear Cecile talk about these last moments they shared.

I often ask my guests about failures that turned out to be the making of them - and Cecile’s experience of this is a powerful story of resilience & self-awareness. There’s tons more gems here including the importance of therapy, the power of words & Cecile’s adventures with their cat. Enjoy!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers topics such as mental health, euthanasia & loss among other sensitive issues so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I had no idea of just how pervasive the dehumanisation of disabled people is until I was visibly disabled.

My first guest to kick off season 5 of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is a bit of a legend, to say the least. It’s Nancy Kelley (she/her) and this conversation was pure gold.

Nancy is very much ‘OUT’ in life - in her words. Certainly when it comes to her sexuality having had a very LGBTQ+ focused career - so much so that it often comes as a surprise to people that she came out fairly late which is something we dive into. But more recently, as a disabled person following her cancer journey over the last couple of years - something she’s intentionally being more public & vocal about in order to raise awareness to her own lived experience and the issues faced by many disabled folk, particularly around employment.

We cover a lot around Nancy’s extensive career in the charity & public sectors including her recent appointment as CEO for LGBTQ+ youth charity Allsorts and her incredible ongoing volunteer work with Trans+ Solidarity Alliance.

Little Nancy had a huge imaginary & vibrant world growing up against the backdrop of a tough childhood, particularly with her mother - an experience we share & reflect on during our chat. Nancy was - and remains - an avid book reader and enjoyed school yet her teenage years & early adult years were turbulent with Nancy recounting “I didn’t think I’d make it through my twenties.” We explore the impact of not feeling safe & lacking aspirations - both of which have shaped how she shows up in the world today.

Life is very different now which Nancy does not take for granted. Nancy & her family moved to Brighton last year - a far cry from growing up in Grimsby and her time in London - and they’re loving it. She shares how her best adventure is motherhood to her two kids alongside her partner of 20 years. Consistency & safety are fundamental to her parenting... which amusingly has resulted in her being labelled ‘the homework witch’.

Nancy is “very good at joy” and this episode is swimming in it. Have a listen & let us know what you think!

“Behind the clapback queen, I just want a soft life. I'm actually meant to be a really nice person, but we're not allowed to be soft because the fucking world is so hard on us. And we've had to make these bravado kind of characters to defend ourselves.”

Wrapping up ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ for the year with Charlie Craggs (she/her) was an absolute TREAT! Charlie is an award-winning content creator, activist & campaigner. She’s been described as “a powerhouse transgender activist” and British Vogue labelled Charlie as “the voice of the community.” When she set up ‘Nail Transphobia’ back in 2014 - an outreach project tackling transphobia through manicures and the power of conversation - it was picked up by Vice Magazine. Despite her initial reluctance, the subsequent article massively boosted her profile and over the last 10 years, Charlie has published a book, fronted a documentary, featured in numerous brand campaigns & partnerships, built up a huge following, made her debut acting appearance in the Dr. Who audio series and much more. All whilst relentlessly advocating for the Trans+ community.

Little Charlie was a sweet, soft kid and the topic of softness comes up a lot during this conversation as well as resilience. Growing up on a council estate and going to an all-boys Catholic school in West London, as an out teenager, Charlie experienced bullying from both fellow students and teachers. We reflect on a shared need to fight back at a young age and a refusal to be victims.

Charlie opens up about the ongoing challenges & fears of being an influencer, public speaker & freelancer and shares some great advice for anyone in a similar situation - particularly when it comes to the fickle nature of working with brands. She reflects on how Big Brother’s Nadia Amalda & Pete Burns and shaped her as well as her acceptance of being Trans, being an anti-hero, future career & life ambitions and the return of her Charlie’s Angels self defence classes.

There’s so many laughs & touching moments right here for you to listen too. And on Charlie’s social media platforms too. Check it all out & ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | We cover a range of topics in this episode that some listeners may find triggering including bullying, physical assault & online harassment & the current landscape for Trans+ folk so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“At this grand age of 60, I am filled with honesty, transparency, and living my best life. There are so many things that I'm celebrating and I am not going to sit here and be apologetic for all of the beautiful things that I have gained in 60 years.”

Ageing is a beautiful & privileged experience and this conversation was a timely conversation with this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ Reverend Jide Macauley (he/him) recently celebrated his 60th birthday and I got to sit & chat about ALL the things he’s celebrating including some other milestones including his queerness, Blackness & almost 20 years since Jide founded House of Rainbow.

House of Rainbow is a faith-based community that celebrates the diversity of all God's people and it was founded on the vision of inclusion - providing a safe and affirming space for Black, African, Caribbean, and other ethnic minority LGBTIQ+ individuals, as well as their allies. What began as a place for fellowship now carries out work around leadership development, health & stigma reduction and global advocacy. It’s all part of Jide’s journey of reconciliation of faith & sexuality and a huge leap since Jide asked himself ‘Could there ever be a church where LGBTQ+ people feel safe?’. As well as sharing his own origin story, it was fantastic to hear about that of House of Rainbow too which began in Nigeria and now sees London as its home.

Little Jide couldn’t wait to enter the world and knew he was different from around 5 years old. He experienced bullying during school for his physical appearance & being effeminate. His home life was a loving one until his father became homophobic and Jide shares how their relationship remained strained into his adulthood. Yet Jide’s mother always showed acceptance & support when he needed it and even attended House of Rainbow for worship & community during the early days.

There’s a lot packed into this episode. Jide talks about his seven year marriage, the separation and the estrangement from his children - again as a result of homophobia - as he states “that is something that I am not going to sit down and tolerate.” His personal experiences fuel the work he does with his congregation including young people.

Jide also shines a bit of light on his challenges as a current minister in the Church of England and how he protects his resolve through that. And much more including exploring the themes of queer theology, toxic masculinity & authenticity. “I’d rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not”.

Long may the birthday celebrations! I loved this chat and I know you will too. ENJOY!

Find out more about House of Rainbow here | https://www.houseofrainbow.org/about-us

PLEASE NOTE | This episode contains talk around homophobia & suicide so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Confidence is a choice, not an emotion. You have to wake up every day and say ‘“I exist out of the social norms & I’m going to do that boldly. Loud. Empathetically’”.

Stephanie Lynnette (she/they), my guest for my Trans+ Awareness Week episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is ON FIRE during this conversation and I am here for it! Stephanie is the Events Manager for London Trans Pride (the largest in the world don’t ya know which this year saw a groundbreaking 100K+ attendees) as well as being a content creator & activist. She’s also has just taken an unexpected career shift into Trans healthcare as a patient champion & peer support worker - a move we dive into that has undoubtedly been shaped by Stephanie’s own 10 year transition journey.

Little Stephanie felt a mismatch in her gender identity at a young age and took the brave step to start her transition during secondary school in rural Cornwall the day before her thirteenth birthday. She was very aware of the doubt from her family & medical teams and so she knew she had to ‘hit the ground running at 110%’ to be taken seriously & prove that this was what she wanted. Her stubbornness as she calls it borne a confidence that has served her well. We dive into the topic of safeguarding children a fair bit from both a medical & healthcare perspective and the tendency for parents to project their insecurities onto Trans+ kids. Stephanie also shares how she refers to her pre-transition self as her little brother who exists as a separate entity.

In her teenage years, Stephanie became a self-confessed attention seeker & trouble maker as she shares “my extensions were long. My hems were short”. It was starting college and a 1.5 hour commute that alleviated this and brought with it a freedom to carve out her identity free from shame. It’s a journey she’s rightly proud of. & she isn’t going back.

We cover Stephanie’s career from retail to the arts & now healthcare, being outed during colleague, moving from insecurity to assurance and her polished public-facing influencer persona on socials vs. day-to-day reality. The topic of palatability comes up a fair bit too which is super interesting as Stephanie embarks on more focused content around body positivity & taking up space - and urging others to do the same. We bond over our mutual love of Kesha AND a very mutual loathing of our home towns too… Honestly, there’s so much in this episode - LISTEN IT & ENJOY!

Follow Stephanie on Insta @supersizedsteph or catch her content on YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/stephanielynnette.

PLEASE NOTE | This episode contains talk around mental health and sexual & physical assault so please take care of yourself whilst listening.