“We don't see a lot of examples of trans people thriving. We see a lot of experiences of trans people having hardship, constantly having to explain themselves and having to justify their existence. We’re not seeing enough examples of trans people just growing up and being a bit boring… having a dog, a life and hobbies.”

Encouraging people to look beyond the headlines when it comes to Trans+ folk is something I’m passionate about so it was a real privilege to chat to Octavian Starr (he/him) during this week’s episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Octavian is a highly experienced leader in diversity and inclusion, the Founder and Director of Unboxd, and has led numerous trans-centred, LGBTQ+ and intersectional initiatives in EDI training and consultancy.

Octavian’s background includes positions in community arts, social justice, and advocacy for the LGBTIQ+ community. His work with trans youth, shaped by his own experiences, has recently seen him take on ‘Trans Secret Santa’ -a community-led project sponsored by the Trans-Solidarity Alliance - which is super wholesome and brings joy to young trans people under 25 with messages of community support and gifts for the holiday season.

Little Octavian grew up in Colorado in a military family and he had a very vivid imagination and exhibited autistic behaviours. He has a positive experience of being himself - he played saxophone, competed in marching band competitions & loved getting lost in music. Octovian struggled to make friends and reflecting on this, he felt other kids spoke ‘a hidden language I couldn’t speak’.

His family have always been largely supportive. He recounts both of his coming out stories - firstly as a lesbian, later as trans - and despite a few bumps along the way, his mother & grandparents accepted him. “Are you happy? Are you healthy”, his grandad would ask and as long as the answer was yes, that was fine by him.

Octavian’s activism started very young with his mom driving him to LGBTQ+ youth groups. Career wise, he wanted to be ‘all the things’ (which I relate to) including a primate psychologist having been inspired by Jane Goodall. With a burning desire to help people, he’s held many roles and his journey into inclusion was a slow burner as a result of his degree placements.

Octavian talks a lot about navigating boundaries in relationships as well as loss & accountability, his recent move to the coast which feels like living in a postcard, his chihuahua Reggie and why we should embrace the intense need for change. This really is a great listen!

Stay up to date with Trans Secret Santa and Trans Solidarity Alliance right here.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide & loss, coming out & the current landscape for Trans+ people. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I'm trying to be one of the voices to keep Northern Ireland on the map and having that voice from a rural background is important because it gives people coming from that opportunity to realise that they can be themselves regardless if they're gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or whatever they identify as.”

Being the visible representation that many queer folk need, especially those in rural communities, is exactly why Lauren Dempsey (she/her), this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ has just been shortlist for this year’s British LGBTQ+ Award. I met Lauren last year at the Trans in the City Awards where I saw her recognised for her activism work in Northern Ireland so it’s wonderful to see the continual celebration of how she is showing up for her community.

Lauren also works in the corporate sector and we explore the balancing of both worlds including the importance of bringing in your authenticity & personality into the workplace. She shares a fantastic anecdote about a colleague’s reaction to her pole dancing hobby - something she’s super passionate about! It’s another area of her life in which, today, she’s proud & visible as a trans woman.

Born with a cleft palette, people assumed that Little Lauren would encounter a lot of challenges. “This child will be successful,”a doctor said to Lauren’s mother in the hospital. And whilst Lauren shares how acceptance around her transness is an ongoing issue within her family, Lauren lovingly talks about how her mum is a source of constant support. Family dynamics, boundaries & generation trauma are all topics we bounce between during our chat as well as her difficult coming out story - which was influenced by both going through therapy & the pandemic which gave her ‘a chance to breathe’. And resulted in her striking blue hair!

Lauren shares her pride in getting her degree against the odds and states “I’m the version of my own success.” She loves seeing others thrive and emphasises the need for good support networks around you. The conversation also goes into Lauren’s travel adventures, the legacy of Nadia Almada from Big Brother & Lauren’s love of the American Pie movie.

Let's wish Lauren ALL THE LUCK for the British LGBTQ+ Awards. What a guest to mark St. Patrick’s Day - ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide, coming out & more. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“September 11 was very prominent for me. When that happened it really was the first time that I was aware of how society perceived me. As someone with a Muslim name. That's where I started to get a real sense of this injustice and it boiling down to the colour of your skin and the religion that you're practicing.”

‘Pause. And Rewind…’ this week is all about the brilliant Kamran Khan (He/Him). Kam is a Workforce Transformation Consultant and Equity, Diversity & Inclusion (EDI) Specialist. He is currently leading an Elton John AIDS Foundation pilot to deliver life-changing preventative HIV medication (PrEP) and education to under-served communities in Liverpool, Brighton & Hove and West Sussex. Now 6+ months in, they’re seeing incredible results!

Little Kam grew up in North London in a multi-cultural & multi-religious house and he reflects on the bubbling conflict between his mum & dad growing up. His childhood was very ‘active & busy’ and Kam shares how sacrifice & hard work, with immigrant parents, is part of his family’s story. He was an inquisitive child and ‘always a bit of a rebel’ according to his father. Kam shares a fantastic anecdote that speaks to this perfectly!

The move from primary school to secondary was a big shift for Kam which he describes as an ‘insular experience’ which lasted for many years as he worked through realisations around his identity - both internally & through society’s lens.

I know Kam through his work as Volunteer Director for Pride in Education where he works alongside our wonderful mutual friend (& former podcast guest) Laila El Metoui and we chat about our mutual love of volunteering & its importance in our lives. It’s definitely shaped what Kam is doing now but it’s not the route he thought it would be which is something we also explore in depth when discussing Kam’s career. “Uni did not prepare me for the real world,” he shares.

There’s so much in this episode. Kam states how discovering his queerness has been the best adventure & opened up the universe. We talk about the importance of embracing discomfort, his passion for community shines through and joy - especially when it comes to his partner & his two pugs (PugDad life being another commonality we share).

“Remember, your heart is soft”, Kam urges listeners to keep in mind in his closing words. The world needs to hear that right now - have a listen.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation includes sensitive discussions around racism, coming to terms with your sexuality, genocide & the general state of the world today. Take care of yourself whilst listening.