“I am a woman who has totally reinvented myself.”

Spending over an hour with this week’s guest for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ was a TREAT! Trudy Howson (she/her) is our first ever LGBT Poet Laureate - a role centred around illuminating & celebrating the queer community… and one that was created for her following her time as volunteer with the Camden LGBT+ Forum and a life-changing commission for the London Olympics. Having held the post for a solid ten years, Trudy has shared her work on stages, TV & radio shows, newspapers & publications around the world. For Pride month, national campaigns, global events & much more. Trudy describes this accolade as “a great honour and privilege… that gives you access.” By access, Trudy is partly referring to political influence & spaces which forms a huge part of her story.

Little Trudy grew up in a high-poverty, working class mill town in a loving home. As a naughty child, she failed her 11+ and found school boring. She reflects how “the only thing thing I learnt at school was how to be a fighter” and that from a young age, Trudy knew two things: firstly, poetry helped her make sense of the world, where she felt confusion and saved her hope. And secondly, that she wanted to kiss girls!

During the conversation, Trudy regales us with her move to London to study drama & dance and her escapades on the scene. She reflected how she started wearing badges saying ‘I am a lesbian’ as soon as she arrived in the city and hilarious recalls “I was like a fucking cannonball. I wanted to make love to every type of woman in the world!” Whilst her early career was as a musical actress, which she stepped away from due to sexism in the industry, Trudy threw herself into activism & politics and joined the Gay Liberation Front and Women’s Movement, got involved in the Gay Sweatshop theatre company and toured with The Harmonettes & The Doris Gay Sisters. All of which has brought her the happiness & fulfilment in life she could never have imagined had she stayed in her home town.

As the opening quote suggests, we delve into her reinvention which was driven by a passion for educating herself, challenging inequalities & a deep understanding of the class system. Trudy shares how she’s been shaped by the relationships she’s had over the years, how she embraces change & an adventure that led to her sleeping with camels in the desert! Trudy delivers some of her poetry in the episode too - the love of her craft shines through. “We all love a poem in our hearts", Trudy believes.

Now is an exciting time as Trudy prepares to wrap up her tenure as LGBT Poet Laureate AND find the right person to follow in her glamorous, talented footsteps. So if you’re a queer poet aged between 18-30 years old who lives, works & plays in Westminster (with Westminster LGBT Forum funding & hosting the role) and think you’re our next LGBT Poet Laureate, get in touch with Trudy via Instagram @lgbtpoetlaureate. Trudy will be involved in the selection process and will be on hand for mentorship, guidance & support for whoever lands it!

As we close out the conversation, we talk about what’s next & Trudy shares some of her thoughts around this as she enters what she describes as ‘the last phase’ of her life. She finishes with a statement that gives us a feel for her energy & excitement… “One thing I do know about me is that something will happen.” I can’t wait to see what that might be.

“I used to have imposter syndrome about being able to label myself as a trans woman for a while. I was like ‘you have to like tick on these boxes before you could even do that’ and ‘who do I think I am?’ But now, very happily trans, queer and just loving life now.”

‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is back for another season & I’m kicking things off with a wonderful guest. Alexandra Parmar-Yee (she/her) is someone I’ve loved observing over the last few years. We first met when Alex wrote an article about the Hijra community, and how it informed her identity with being Trans & Indian, for the first ever Trans+ History Week. Some chance conversations & encounters with a few other incredible change makers resulted in Alex being an Executive Director for Trans+ Solidarity Alliance - a role she’s absolutely smashing along with a formidable, talented team of individuals.

In just a short amount of time, TSA has two mass lobbies, several parliamentary briefings and multiple campaigns & projects under their belts, including their gorgeous Trans Secret Santa festive offering. With no signs of slowing down!

Alex grew up in a mixed heritage household with first generation immigrant parents. She was a shy, curious child and their family moved to many countries - an experience that not only instilled in Alex a willingness to embrace other culture but upon returning to the UK one that also meant she understood what it meant to feel different.

Challenging teenage years are a common thread on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and Alex shares how this led to university becoming a moment in which she could reinvent herself.

We chat about Alex’s recent decision to leave her employer of twelve years & the importance of well-deserved break following an incredibly busy time - which saw her being recognised as Trailblazer of the Year at the British LGBT Awards AND featuring in Cosmopolitan magazine in their article exploring life for Trans+ people one year on from the Supreme Court ruling.

Plus there’s more including Alex’s passion for community, her love of volunteering being shaped by her mum and what it means to meet Big Brother’s Trans icon Nadia earlier this year. ENJOY!

Oh & whilst you’re tuning into this gorgeous conversion, you can find out more about how to support the Trans Solidarity Alliance here and donate to or grab your Trans Secret Santa Christmas cards here!

“I joined a church in my early 20s that I was in for over a decade and they became like a surrogate family to me. They did everything for me. They were there for me through so many things including my daughter being ill & my house burning down. And then I told them I was a lesbian & I never heard from them again.”

The intersection of religion & sexuality is a complex topic for many people in the LGBTQ+ community as this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is too aware.

SC Nealy (they/she) is a Washington DC based therapist and Founding Director of the LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative. They’re also a best-selling author of 30+ fiction books yet their new book ‘Healing Sacred Wounds - A Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is a huge departure from their regular offering. Having specialised in this alongside complex PDST & LGBTQIA+ mental health, SC brings this book to life as part self-help guide, part bio enriched with expertise & life experience written to wrap its arms around anyone who has endured emotional wounds, trauma, and spiritual hurt that come from negative religious experience.

Little SC was raised in a pseudo-cult area in Southern Virginia and describes it as ‘very much what you would stereotypically think of when you think of a cult’ - conservative, evangelical & controlled. SC’s upbringing was beyond tough - they were sexually abused by someone in power, had their sexuality debated before they even had the language to understand it, blamed for their parents divorce and kicked out of home at just 13 years old. More than any young person should bear.

SC didn’t think they’d make it to 18 years old and when I ask them what kept them here, they reply “Honestly, anger for a long time. A refusal to give up. And spite maybe. Like, you’re not gonna get one over on me.” As the opening statement suggests, this wasn’t the end of SC’s mistreatment at the hands of religion.

However, whilst SC’s origin story is very much rooted in religious trauma, today they’re living a very queer life with a beautiful blended family & community around them. We discuss parenting, including SC wanting their daughter to grow up to challenge authority, and how they’re a bad employee but a really great boss. We also discuss conquering FOMO and SC’s enthusiasm for chopping vegetables as they joke, “You just give me a row of peppers & great time!”

What a final episode for this season. Get stuck in…

PRE-ORDER SC’ NEW BOOK! ‘Healing Sacred Wounds, a Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is released on 20 August and you can pre-order it now. I was lucky enough to read the book ahead of our conversation and as someone who has a tricky past with religion myself, it does what it sets out to do and I highly recommend it. As always, please order from an independent/ queer retailer if you can.

Please note | The episode contains sensitive topics around mental health, sexual abuse & violence and other potentially triggering issues so please take care of yourself whilst listening.