A reflective essay on the quiet, deeper shifts between your 20s and your 30s: learning to leave things alone instead of fixing them, building a sense of home that lives inside you instead of in a relationship or a place, choosing the people who bring you back to yourself, and getting more comfortable in the uncertainty of not knowing what comes next.

It's not a glow-up story, and there's no five-step plan. More on what it means to stop chasing a "better" version of yourself and start building a home for your favorite one.

In this episode:
– Why leaving things alone is sometimes more productive than fixing them
– The difference between managing yourself and actually taking care of yourself
– How anxious attachment, old friendships, and a stuck identity kept me small / what you might be missing out on
– Making peace with getting older and the new excitement of uncertainty
– Taking authorship of your life instead of living from the past

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If you've ever understood exactly why you do something, and then did it anyway (again), then this episode is for you.

I spent nearly 2 decades doing genuine, deep, inner work. Therapy, somatic practices, learning, even helping clients. I could name every wound, explain every pattern, and still spent years trying to 'get out of my own way'. Feeling at odds with different parts of myself.

So, let's dive deep about the paradox of being a deeply self-aware person who still self-sabotages. Why awareness alone isn't the mechanism of change. What's actually happening in your nervous system while you're busy being frustrated that nothing is changing. And what I finally learned was 'the thing' that moves the needle.

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One of my biggest lessons in life has been learning how to not brace for the fall when faced with uncertainty and change. As I reflect on the last decade of my life (from age 25 to 35), I'd say I did a pretty good job with trusting the next step before I felt fully confident to take it. I hope this may somehow resonate with you, or even inspire you to take the leap. cheers to the open road and question marks.

This short video essay was created from a Substack article I wrote shortly after my 35th birthday.

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Many of us pursue self improvement from a place of self-rejection, which can make sustained change a challenge. We explore the nuances of why this approach to "how to reinvent yourself" might not stick, especially when we try to implement too many new habits at once. We'll dive into the psychology behind effective habit formation and how to cultivate a healthier mindset that actually leads to lasting change, moving beyond the traps of superficial self-help, and 'glow-up' trends.

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People pleasing became a survival strategy that turned into self abandonment. This video explores the nuances of why you've adapted to these toxic patterns, and how its become a trap and making us lose ourselves. I also wanted to share PRACTICAL ways on how to stop being a people pleaser, moving beyond these old pattern to cultivate genuine personal preferences and deepening your relationship to self, and others.🐝 A friend to all is a friend to none, especially to yourself.

🔑 https://diajin.com (FREE resources & paid offers)

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I've always been someone who's comfortable alone. Traveling solo, going out by myself, not really needing anyone around. I was proud of being independent, self-sufficient, and a low-maintenance friend.

In this video we go into the different faces of loneliness, what hyper-independence or being a low-maintenance friend is costing us, and why we can feel alone even in our closest relationships, along with what it looks like to have a rich inner life while still letting connection in and flourish.

🔑 https://diajin.com (FREE resources & paid offers)

✍🏼Substack: https://diajin.substack.com/subscribe

Socials:

🐝 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diajin

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🐝 YouTube:https://youtube.com/@diajin

topics:

self-help, loneliness, being alone, solitude, how to be alone not lonely, personal growth, healing journey

Self-help and healing are (in my opinion) necessary and very impactful on our journey of being alive. However, there can come a point where it becomes the trap. The more we heal, the more we're experts at scanning for fixes. I break down the nuances of what the trap is, why we get stuck in it, and how to move beyond 'the work' and actually live.

🔑 https://diajin.com (FREE resources & paid offers)

✍🏼Substack: https://diajin.substack.com/subscribe

Socials:

🐝 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diajin

🐝 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@diajin

🐝 YouTube:https://youtube.com/@diajin

topics:

self-help, personal growth, healing journey

Life so far has never felt like a straight line. There'd been moments where I felt envious of those with such security, stability, always a home to return to. Then when I get honest with myself, through the rollercoaster ride of my 20s and into my 30s, I wouldn't have it any other way.

To leave one of my favorite sayings: We can always begin, again

🔑 https://diajin.com (FREE resources & paid offers)

✍🏼Substack: https://diajin.substack.com/subscribe

Socials:

🐝 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diajin

🐝 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@diajin

🐝 YouTube:https://youtube.com/@diajin

Topics:

advice for your 20s, advice for your 30s, starting over again, dealing with big life changes, traveling across the US, personal growth, personal development, self-help