Sabrina talks about regret after ending a wanted pregnancy and how it rarely looks the way people expect. Sometimes it's not regret over the decision to interrupt the pregnancy, but over the “smaller” (still huge) pieces around it... not taking enough pictures, not holding your baby long enough, declining genetic testing in a moment you weren't in the right headspace for. Sometimes the regret is about how you were treated during your termination for medical reasons... coerced, under-informed, never told what a labor and delivery induction would actually feel like, or that a funeral was even an option. And sometimes it's that tight, familiar pit in your stomach: what if my baby’s condition had changed, was the diagnosis severe enough to choose TFMR, could I have handled a "good enough" outcome after all.

If you've been Googling “how to cope with regret after TFMR” or "is it normal to regret my TFMR”, or you swing back and forth between peace and guilt sometimes in the same breath, you're not broken and you didn't make the wrong call. Sabrina gets into why TFMR grief and regret get weaponized against parents online, why gray diagnoses and "good enough" outcomes can torture us just as much as a fatal one, and the reframe that's helped her most in her own healing... that regret, underneath all of it, IS love and comes from love.

And in this episode we invite you to join us in this space, just for TFMR parents:

THE TFMR SUPPORT SANCTUARY

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If you're carrying the weight of your TFMR alone... you don't have to anymore.

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The TFMR Support Sanctuary: a monthly community for parents who want ways to release the shame, guilt, and despair of this loss and feel sure and seen in their motherhood, their parenthood, and the love they have for their baby.

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💜 A safe place to feel whole again and honor your baby & feel the strength to get through another day

💬 Live circles every couple of weeks, replays always available and JUST as powerful

💜 Month-to-month, as you need support

🌸 $55/month

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Join us: ⁠www.theTFMRdoula.com/join⁠

FREE FACEBOOK GROUP:

Join other TFMR parents who just GET it and are here to listen and hold you.

PLUS you'll get early access to new podcast episodes just like this one and a chance to ask questions live or have your comment/story be part of an episode. All in our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. Witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. Share your story in our CLOSED group, and hear how others like you are getting through.

Application only, free membership:

⁠http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

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🎙 Want to share your story on the podcast?

Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:

"Pamgaea" Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search )

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Sabrina shares the unfortunate comments she and others in the community have heard about TFMR: "But how old were you when it happened?" "Well that's not reeeeally an abortion." "I would never..."

Comments like these can actually feel MORE harmful that direct insults to TFMR/baby loss/abortion. Because other people around, or group leaders, or fellow general grievers might not "get" how painful these subtle things feel to TFMR parents. So we're talking about it!

SMALL GROUP TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE

If you are looking for care and love and tools for the shame, guilt, longing & grief after TFMR, you are invited to join us. Our upcoming grief circles are open July 8th & July 12th start dates: small group in Ascend http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ascend-apply

To meet with Sabrina schedule your Connect Chat and find * your * way through with groups/1on1: http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/schedule-call

‌

FREE FACEBOOK GROUP:

Join other TFMR parents who just GET it and are here to listen and hold you.

PLUS you'll get early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live. All in our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

‌

Application only, free membership:

⁠http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

‌

🎙 Want to share your story?

Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

‌

Music credit:

"Pamgaea" Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search )

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

How we decided - TFMR for T21 & grey diagnosis. Bianca Johnson shares her baby boy's down syndrome diagnosis and all the other pregnancy complications that came into play on her decision and more. Sabrina also shares lots of stories from other TFMR parents who also had a T21 diagnosis and how they decided to end their wanted pregnancies too.

Bianca Johnson had already been through 6 pregnancy losses when she found herself in the impossible space of a T21 down syndrome diagnosis. What guided her decision to terminate wasn't just the medical appointments, CVS test results, or the terrifying words from a maternal-fetal medicine specialist who listed every way this pregnancy could kill her. It was a dream she'd had weeks before... a child standing at a crossroads, refusing to cross, saying simply: this is as far as I go.

When the T21 diagnosis finally came, Bianca already knew. The baby had told her.

In this Part 1 of 2, Bianca, empowerment coach and author of All of These Lines, shares the raw, layered story of how she and her husband decided to have an abortion in their T21 pregnancy in South Africa. If you're in the middle of a gray diagnosis and wondering how anyone ever makes this decision... this episode is for you.

You can find Part 2 of 2: "Life after TFMR for T21 & grey diagnosis" on Bianca's pregnancy loss and healing YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePOCM0HZPVQ so follow over there too 💜 https://www.youtube.com/@i.am.biancajohnson

And to get Bianca's book "All of These Lines" here:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/all-of-these-lines-my-story-of-pregnancy-loss-and-hope-bianca-johnson/eb6882e3d9dda91f?ean=9781049206943&next=t

https://www.amazon.com/All-These-Lines-Story-Pregnancy-ebook/dp/B0FTCWPRQZ/

And if you are ready for more holding, our small group Ascend TFMR Grief Circle is starting in July 8th. Your story, T21, chromosomal defects, grey through fatal, medically necessary for your body or mental health, WELCOME with us. We want to light a candle for your baby https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.Application only, free membership:

http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?

Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:

"Pamgaea" Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search )

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/