keywords gratitude, connection, Thanksgiving, family, change, art, personal growth, loss, traditions, reflection

In this episode, Denise & Tim explore themes of gratitude, connection, and the complexities of navigating change in life. They discuss personal experiences related to new job opportunities, the importance of small moments of joy, and the challenges of maintaining gratitude amidst loss. The conversation also delves into Thanksgiving traditions and the significance of family connections, culminating in a challenge for listeners to reflect on their own gratitude practices.

takeaways

• Tim is excited for her new job opportunity.
• Gratitude is about noticing and appreciating small moments.
• Navigating change can be both exciting and challenging.
• Thanksgiving can evoke complex feelings and memories.
• Finding joy in everyday moments is essential for well-being.
• Loss can lead to a deeper appreciation for what we have.
• Family traditions shape our experiences and memories.
• Gratitude practices can help shift our mindset.
• It's important to reflect on why we are grateful.
• Connection and conversation are vital for personal growth.

Sound Bites

• "I'm excited for what's to come."
• "I want to know they're okay."
• "Loss always means people to me."

Chapters

00:00Introduction to the Pajama and Wine Sessions

02:24Transitioning to New Beginnings

04:26Exploring Connection Through Conversation

07:48The Practice of Gratitude

11:28Finding Joy in Small Moments

19:05Traditions and Reflections on Thanksgiving

25:24Navigating Family Dynamics During Holidays

27:48Creating New Thanksgiving Traditions

29:34Reflections on Gratitude and Personal Growth

34:29The Complexity of Parenting and Growing Up

36:25Lessons from Loss and the Power of Gratitude

45:53Embracing Gratitude Year-Round

In this deeply personal episode, Denise and Tim share the origin story of their family — three boys, five tattoos, and a bond forged through deployment, surprise pregnancies, and the kind of vulnerability that makes a family stronger. From a secret pregnancy revealed on a honeymoon to a diagnosis that tested their resolve, this is the story of how they became the five.

• The Monday before the wedding surprise — and why Denise kept it secret
• Thatcher's arrival: 24+ hours of labor, emergency C-section, and a slow, beautiful adjustment to parenthood
• Deploying to Iraq while expecting Cooper — and how a two-year-old became the "man of the house"
• Five years between Cooper and Mason, and the fear that came with a Down syndrome diagnosis
• The concept of "the five" — not just a number, but a family foundation built on adversity and trust
• How their tight-knit family expands to welcome girlfriends, friends, and chosen family

"The five is more of a concept than it is a number... It's this family coming together, this family being its own support, its own strength, its own rock to stand on." — Tim Waters

• What would you do if you found out you were pregnant the week of your wedding? Would you tell your partner right away?
• How do deployments and long separations shape a family's identity and resilience?
• What does it mean to be "emotionally literate" as a parent — and how do you raise kids who are in touch with their feelings?
• When does a family number become a concept? Who gets to be part of your core group?

We'd love to hear your family origin story. Tag @theroughdraft and share how your family became who you are today — whether by choice, surprise, or something in between.

Denise sits across from Tim in their home studio and says, "I have no idea why I didn't tell you I was pregnant before the wedding." Tim laughs — after 25 years, it's finally safe to ask. They realize some of their biggest moments happened without a script: a secret kept, a deployment survived, a diagnosis faced together. The five didn't just happen. It was built, one vulnerable conversation at a time.

• Ask someone in your family to tell you their version of your birth story or how you joined the family
• If you have kids, share with them the story of how they came into your life — the good, the hard, and the real
• Think about your own "core group" — who are the people that make you feel known and safe? Tell them
• If you're interested in beta testing the Connection Cards launching in 2025, sign up at [website form link]

Episode Summary

In their new home podcast studio, Denise and Tim open up about what Veterans Day truly means — beyond the bumper stickers and well-intentioned “thank you for your service.” They explore the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day, the nuance of recognition versus understanding, and how storytelling keeps service experiences alive. Along the way, they reflect on Pat Tillman’s legacy at ASU, veteran benefits that miss the mark, and a powerful new film that gets it right.

What We Talk About

• What Veterans Day honors — and what it doesn’t
• The awkwardness and intent behind “thank you for your service”
• Pat Tillman’s story, ASU’s Salute to Service, and honoring every veteran
• The importance of listening to and preserving veterans’ stories
• Sheepdog — a film that portrays post-service life with truth and hope
• Why understanding matters more than a single day of recognition

Quote of the Episode

“I don’t want your support as much as I want your understanding.” — Tim Waters

Conversation Starters

• When someone thanks a veteran, what do they actually mean — and what could they ask instead?
• How can we preserve and share the stories of veterans in our own families or communities?
• What would it look like to honor service year-round, not just on Veterans Day?
• For educators and leaders: How might your institution balance visibility for one hero’s story with space for many others?

Resources & Mentions

Films & Viewing

• Sheepdog — A powerful drama about veterans returning home, capturing both struggle and redemption through community and therapy.

Books & Reading

• Tribe by Sebastian Junger — Why belonging and shared purpose are critical to veterans’ reintegration.
• Thank You for Your Service by David Finkel — A raw, compassionate portrait of soldiers after war.

Articles & Research

• “Pat Tillman’s Enduring Legacy and the ASU Veterans Center” — ASU News
• “The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth” — American Psychological Association

Tools & Practices

• Story Listening — Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s one story from your service you’d be willing to share today?” It builds trust and understanding.
• Reflection Prompt: What’s one story from your own life of service — military or otherwise — that shaped who you are today?

Connect & Reflect

We’d love to hear your story. Tag @theroughdraft and share what resonated, what helped, or who showed up for you.

Mini Moment

In the glow of their new studio lights, Denise and Tim talk about how a simple phrase — “thank you for your service” — can both connect and distance people. Tim pauses, remembering the 545 days he spent away from home, and Denise leans in. They both realize that what people crave most isn’t recognition — it’s to be known.

Try This

• Ask a veteran in your life one meaningful question and listen — really listen — to the answer.
• Support a veteran-owned business or organization this week.
• Write down one small act of service you can offer in your own community — then do it.