What happens when the parenting advice you were given simply doesn’t work for the child in front of you? As Julie’s daughter turns 13, she and Bridget look back on thirteen years of learning, unlearning, advocating, getting it wrong and slowly coming to understand what this particular autistic child needed. Through lived experience, they unpack the things that changed everything: recognising masking, understanding the difference between what a child can do and what they can actually sustain, looking beneath behaviour, questioning traditional ideas of independence, and realising that a child appearing to cope doesn’t always mean they are coping. It’s a conversation about autism, yes, but also about motherhood, nervous systems, repair, advocacy, capacity and the humility of allowing the child in front of you to change the way you thought you were supposed to parent.


In this episode, Bridget and Julie discuss:
- What thirteen years of parenting an autistic daughter has taught Julie that she couldn't have known at the beginning
- Why autistic girls can be missed, misunderstood or appear to be coping when there is much more happening underneath
- Getting curious about behaviour rather than immediately trying to correct it
- The difference between “she can do it” and “she can sustain it”
- Why the hours after school, socialising or a demanding experience can tell you more than what you witnessed during it
Masking, meltdowns and why home can be where a child finally stops holding everything together
- Rethinking independence and recognising that the right support can actually create greater autonomy
- The difference between building useful skills and teaching a child to make themselves more convenient for the world
- Learning to advocate for your child while helping them develop the language to advocate for themselves
- The grief and repair involved in looking back at what you did before you understood what you understand now
- Why both nervous systems matter when you're parenting a child with significant needs
- Questioning expert advice when it doesn't match the child living in front of you
- Why learning about autism matters, but learning your particular child matters even more


Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life