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In this conversation, Ali and Shani revisit the realities of burnout, perfectionism, and rebuilding a career in medicine in a way that actually fits your life. Shani shares how closing her practice, going part time, and coaching women in medicine all connect to one idea: you do not have to wait for some future milestone to feel joy. We discuss practical mindset tools for handling difficult moments, how to reframe failure and sunk cost thinking, and why small daily actions matter more than waiting for the “right” time to change.

Key topics

• Shani shares what has changed since her last visit, including selling her practice in January and continuing to work part time as a retina specialist.
• In this episode, she explains why closing a practice is not automatically a failure and how it can actually create more alignment and joy.
• We discuss the concept of duality and how two things can be true at once, like being worried about a patient complication and still being fully present with your kids at Disneyland.
• Shani breaks down a step-by-step approach for handling stressful moments:
  • feel the feelings
  • separate facts from fiction
  • create a plan
  • trust your decisions
• She explains the “arrival fallacy” and why so many physicians keep postponing joy until after the next exam, promotion, publication, or career milestone.
• We talk about making goals smaller and more specific so progress feels achievable and worth celebrating along the way.
• Shani reflects on her own burnout experience, including ending up in the ER, and uses The Gap and the Gain to show how the same story can be framed as shame or growth.
• In this episode, she emphasizes that burnout is largely system driven, but there is still a portion within your control, especially around boundaries, mindset, and rest.
• She shares practical ways she recovered, including slowing down, going part time, journaling, yoga, friendship, and creative work.
• We discuss why people know what would help them feel better yet still self-sabotage, often because of fear, guilt, perfectionism, or identity shifts.
• Shani closes with the idea that saying yes to yourself strengthens your boundaries and helps you show up better for patients, kids, and partners.

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Finally sharing about the day Colin was born!

Timestamps

00:00 - Introducing Colin’s birth story and the weekend that led up to it
01:00 - Why the induction was scheduled around 37 weeks
02:00 - A calm morning with Connor before heading to daycare
03:00 - Boston rush hour versus the chaos of natural labor
04:00 - Checking in at the hospital and the first emotional moment with the OB team
05:00 - Crying when kindness hit harder than strength
06:00 - Why she chose to proceed with induction despite grief
07:00 - What “birth plan” meant in this context
08:00 - Wearing her dad’s Patriots hat and wanting an epidural ASAP
09:00 - Reflections on epidurals, pain, and her first labor with Connor
10:00 - Starting the induction and wanting to be a passenger this time
11:00 - Cytotec, Foley balloon, and contractions that got things moving
12:00 - Her husband points out they do not need to wait for pain before requesting the epidural
13:00 - Her outpatient OB’s unusual commitment to seeing her for every prenatal visit
14:00 - How thoughtful communication and data-driven care shaped the pregnancy
15:00 - Her OB’s support behind the scenes, including tumor board advocacy
16:00 - Brief Pitocin trial and the baby’s immediate reaction
17:00 - Watching TV, laughing, and keeping the room light during labor
18:00 - The surprise baby-name vote and the fun of not knowing the sex
19:00 - Checking the ICU schedule just in case birth complications sent her there
20:00 - Pressure builds and the team realizes the baby is crowning
21:00 - Waiting for the OB to arrive before pushing
22:00 - Colin is born and the room fills with tears and emotion
23:00 - Why pregnancy felt emotionally distant and uncertain
24:00 - Seeing the baby on ultrasound and struggling with chemo-related worry
25:00 - How not knowing the sex helped her stay detached and hopeful
26:00 - Colin arrives healthy, despite the cord being wrapped twice
27:00 - Naming Colin Robert and honoring her dad through the middle name
28:00 - Telling family the baby is a boy and heading to postpartum recovery
29:00 - Post-birth CT and MRI scans while still processing the cancer
30:00 - Crying in the MRI and the strain of high highs and low lows
31:00 - Why she does not believe grief and trauma can always be neatly processed
32:00 - Family meeting Colin and the reminder that life keeps moving
33:00 - Watching both boys grow and comparing first-time parenting to second-time parenting
34:00 - Colin’s bright, social personality and the sense that he brought light into the family
35:00 - Looking back on cancer during pregnancy as an unexpected blessing
36:00 - Closing gratitude for Colin, Connor, and the listeners

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Summary

In this episode, I talk about grieving my dad's death while preparing for the birth of my son and navigating cancer treatment.

Key topics

• Coping with grief after losing a parent
• Balancing emotional pain with joyful moments
• Preparing for childbirth amidst health challenges
• The significance of meaningful keepsakes and rituals
• The coexistence of sadness and happiness in life

Keywords

grief, motherhood, cancer, resilience, personal story, loss, emotional strength, life challenges

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and overview of the episode
00:28 Personal reflection on the impact of losing her father
01:21 The challenge of coping with grief in daily life
02:21 The unpredictability of grief and emotional responses
03:19 A moment of humor during a difficult day
04:49 The significance of photos and memories
05:48 Managing cancer pain while preparing for childbirth
07:12 Medical check-up and reassurance about the baby
08:54 The innocence of children and their impact on grief
09:33 Scheduling conflicts between birth and funeral arrangements
11:22 Deciding on the timing of induction and funeral
12:46 Making the most of last family moments before birth
14:24 The significance of meaningful keepsakes and symbols
16:32 Carrying a piece of her father with her during labor
17:54 Conclusion and upcoming episode focus

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In this episode, I talk about my experience with my father’s death, navigating difficult conversations, and how my medical background both challenged and supported me during this time.

Main Topics Covered:

• The reasons behind my hiatus
• The significance of storytelling for connection, reflection, and emotional resilience
• Walking through the emotional and logistical experience of my father’s death in the hospital
• Challenges of end-of-life conversations within my family and the impact of medical burnout
• Lessons I learned about planning for chronic illness, death, and the importance of having honest, compassionate discussions
• The emotional aftermath, including feelings of grief, guilt, and gratitude
• The cathartic process of sharing my story and the future of my podcast

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction: Why I stepped back
02:00 - The healing power of storytelling in connecting with others
03:30 - Navigating personal grief while balancing a medical career
05:00 - The moments leading to my father’s death
07:00 - The hard realities of end-of-life decisions and family discussions
09:00 - The emotional toll of seeing a loved one suffer and die
11:00 - The impact of healthcare burnout on personal and family moments
13:00 - Reflections on medical planning, directives, and difficult conversations
15:00 - The experience of loss and feelings of guilt and sadness
17:00 - The significance of presence, love, and memory in grief
19:00 - Returning to the podcast: sharing my story to heal and connect
21:00 - Future plans for solo episodes and interviews

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Keywords

cancer treatment, chemotherapy, motherhood, emotional support, personal journey, health challenges, parenting, medical experiences, resilience, community support


Summary

In this solo episode, Dr. Alison Trainor shares her personal journey through cancer treatment while balancing motherhood. She discusses the emotional and physical challenges of chemotherapy, the impact of hair loss, and the support she received from friends and family. Alison reflects on the complexities of navigating her health while being a parent and the importance of community support during difficult times.


Takeaways

The transition from work to medical leave was emotionally challenging.
Chemotherapy brought both physical and emotional struggles.
Hair loss was a significant emotional hurdle during treatment.
Support from friends and family was crucial during this journey.
The experience of being a patient gave insight into patient care.
Navigating treatment while pregnant added complexity to her situation.
The emotional toll of scan results can be overwhelming.
Community support, like meal trains, made a big difference.
It's important to communicate openly about what support is needed.
Finding joy in small moments with family helped cope with challenges.


Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Personal Update
01:28 Navigating Work and Cancer Diagnosis
05:41 Chemotherapy Regimen and Initial Experiences
12:27 Emotional and Physical Challenges of Treatment
16:03 Hair Loss and Its Impact
20:13 Adjusting to Public Perception and Normalcy
23:02 Additional Treatment Considerations and Reflections
26:20 Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Illness
34:07 The Impact of Community Support
47:39 Finding Meaning in Difficult Times

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Summary

In this conversation, Ali and Polly reflect on the past year since their last chat, discussing personal growth, work-life balance, and the challenges of parenting. Polly shares her experiences with returning to work, navigating childcare, and the impact of illness on their family. They delve into the pressures of the medical profession, the importance of mental health support, and the benefits of couples therapy. The discussion also touches on family planning and the considerations that come with it, particularly in light of Polly's husband's health. Overall, the conversation highlights the complexities of parenting, relationships, and self-care.

Takeaways

• Polly has experienced significant personal growth over the past year.
• Finding a balance between work and family life is crucial for well-being.
• Childcare can provide valuable socialization and learning opportunities for children.
• Illnesses in daycare can be challenging but are often part of the experience.
• The pressure to show up in the medical field can lead to neglecting personal health.
• Therapy and support systems have been vital for Polly's mental health journey.
• Communication is key in maintaining a healthy relationship, especially during stressful times.
• Considering family size involves weighing personal desires against practical realities.
• The experience of parenting can evoke nostalgia and a desire for more children.
• It's important to discuss and normalize the challenges of postpartum mental health.

Keywords
parenting, mental health, work-life balance, childcare, couples therapy, family planning, postpartum anxiety, child development, daycare challenges, personal growth

Chapters
00:00
Reflecting on Growth and Change

02:45
Finding Balance in Work and Family Life

05:44
Navigating Childcare and Developmental Milestones

08:50
The Challenges of Illness in Daycare

11:29
The Pressure to Show Up in Medicine

14:20
Mental Health Journey and Support Systems

17:28
Couples Therapy and Communication

20:36
Considering Family Size and Future Plans

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