I often have conversations with men who feel frustrated with themselves for continuing to view pornography, despite the negative impact it has on them and their relationships with their spouses or girlfriends. They all seem to wonder why they persist in behaviors they genuinely wish to avoid. The answer isn't always straightforward, as everyone is unique.

However, pornography expert Patrick Carnes has pinpointed several key motivators for pornography use that can often shed light on the struggles men face with this issue. Understanding our motivations or what drives us to act in certain ways is crucial. In my view, it's essential to tackle the root of the problem rather than just addressing the symptoms. This is what we aim to start exploring in this episode.

Do you ever get the feeling that you and your spouse or partner are merely living together as roommates? Do you find that the only times you really talk to each other is when you're disagreeing or just sharing information about household chores? Do you long for the days when you could have regular conversations without arguing or just dividing up tasks that need to be done?Many individuals who find themselves in this kind of relationship dynamic feel as though they've lost the ability to communicate or that their communication skills have deteriorated.

It's quite common for men to seek counseling feeling unsure about their emotional state or why they find it difficult to connect with their spouse or children as they wish. They often hear descriptions like "grumpy, angry, or irritable," for instance.They may come across as withdrawn, lacking motivation, or simply "not themselves." Wives frequently express dissatisfaction with their "tone" or responses. The examples seem to be endless, and while the man may recognize there is a problem, he often can't pinpoint what it is, leading others to assume it must be a "mental issue." Well, perhaps?

Let's talk about that.