Word of advice if you’re in a horror movie: never relocate. Even if your house is a dilapidated, rat-infested ruin I can all but guarantee that it’s preferable to whatever murder site, former Indian burial ground, or creepy hotel you’re considering for your next residence. If you’re not convinced, just ask the new folks on the block in Sinister, a 2012 horror flick directed by Scott Derrickson. This spook-tacular saga of snuff films and Babylonian boogiemen was a moderate success with critics and a bash at the box office, and has since enjoyed a cultural staying power extended by its cult following and scientific assessment as the scariest movie of all time. But will Sinister overcome the writer’s block of Nathan and Elliot skepticism and dismember their reservations with the axe of gripping, terrifying drama? Or will the movie’s face be shredded off by the lawn mower of tiresome jump scares and threadbare scripts? You don’t need to sacrifice your soul to Bughuul for the answers, you just need to play the episode!

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It may seem strange now, but there was a time when advanced life on Mars was a serious scientific contention. Supposed canals on the red planet's surface filled the imaginations of academics and entertainers alike with exotic alien societies, incredible technologies, and of course, lots and lots and lots of Martian hotties eager for the company of big, strapping Earthmen. That's how we came to have a crop of Mars fiction in the late 1800s to early 1900s, one of the more successful being Edgar Rice Burroughs' A Princess of Mars, a 1912 book adapted one hundred years later into the 2012 film John Carter under the direction of Andrew Stanton. This ambitious would-be trilogy opener is most well-known for one thing: failure. Thanks to a massive budget, limited marketing campaign, and lukewarm reception, John Carter lost as much as two hundred million dollars and ended or set back multiple careers by the time the damage was assessed. But have time and distance elevated the movie like a mighty leap in the weak gravity of nostalgia? Or do the oceans of fun and adventure remain desiccated by the scorching heat of boredom and convoluted worldbuilding? By Issus, start the episode to find out!

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Privacy can be hard to come by these days. Whether it’s nosy neighbors, intrusive family members, or the ever present eye of avaricious corporations gobbling up your personal data so they can charge you more for watermelons, the obstacles preventing modern man from a moment to himself are numerous and ubiquitous. Still, it could always be worse, after all the televisions could be watching us, right? Oh, wait. Well, anyways, things still haven’t gone full 1984 quite yet, as you can see when you watch, well, 1984, released in, wouldn’t ya know it, 1984 and directed by Michael Radford from the book by George Orwell. This bleak, brutal portrait of unrestrained totalitarianism may not be as famous as its source material, but it still contained enough rich imagery and strong acting to earn a fair few plaudits for itself. But will Nathan and Elliot find in it refuge from the insidious non-entertainment of Goldstein and his ilk? Or will they find the movie guilty of filmcrime and condemn it to room 101? Big brother may be watching you, but he’s listening to Magellans at the Movies, and you should be too!

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