Content note: this episode discusses miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I share my own miscarriage story and talk honestly about grief after loss: what happens in your body, what the research says, what to say (and not say) to a grieving mama, and where God is in the heartbreak.

If you've lost a baby, you are a mother, and your grief makes sense. If you're supporting someone who has, this episode is for you too.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

- About 15 out of every 100 recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage, and about 1 in 175 U.S. births is a stillbirth.

- Grief doesn't move in five neat stages, and it often comes back on due dates and anniversaries.

- After a later loss, your body goes through recovery, and your milk can come in. You have options.

- Short, talk-based counseling has been shown to help with grief, anxiety, depression, and trauma symptoms after loss.

- Researchers haven't proven memory-making protects mental health, but mothers given an unpressured choice are glad of what they chose.

- Lament is a form of faith, not a failure of it.

SCRIPTURE MENTIONED

- Isaiah 66:13

- Psalm 13

- Psalm 22:1 and Matthew 27:46

- Psalm 34:18

- John 11:35

- Jeremiah 31:15 and Matthew 2:18

- Romans 8:26

- Verses often misused with grieving mothers: Romans 8:28, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and 1 Thessalonians 4:13

"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you." (Isaiah 66:13, ESV)

RESEARCH MENTIONED

- Miscarriage rates: Quenby et al., 2021 (The Lancet)

- Stillbirth and infant death: CDC, 2024; CDC/NCHS, 2026

- Grief is not stages: Stroebe, Schut & Boerner, 2017

- Mental health after loss: Farren et al., 2020; Herbert et al., 2022; Westby et al., 2021

- Counseling and support after loss: Li et al., 2024

- What helps and hurts after loss: Jansen et al., 2022; Bellhouse, Temple-Smith & Bilardi, 2018

- Memory-making: Koopmans et al., 2013 (Cochrane); Hennegan, Henderson & Redshaw, 2015; Atkins et al., 2023

- Faith and grief: Hawthorne et al., 2016; Nuzum, Meaney & O'Donoghue, 2017

RESOURCES

- Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (on lament, written after his daughter was stillborn)

- BibleProject Psalms series, especially the episode on Psalm 22

- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988

- Postpartum Support International HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773

This episode is for educational purposes and isn't medical or mental health advice. Please talk with your provider about how you're feeling.

Learn more at Beloved Motherhood or connect with Rebecca

Take my hand mama, let's do this together.