When your husband's family enables his affair and makes you the villain, the betrayal cuts twice as deep. In this raw and essential episode, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle one of the most painful questions they've received: what do you do when your in-laws collude with the affair partner, feed them information, and blame you for the infidelity? Drawing from their own experience of distancing from family during recovery and counseling countless couples through ministry betrayal, they reveal why you don't owe anyone access to you during healing, how to take control of your narrative when everyone's telling a different story, and the exact boundaries you need to protect your recovery. Laura opens up about why they separated from Carl's family (not due to collusion, but for space to make decisions without outside opinions), while Carl exposes the insane pressure to control narratives in ministry contexts. They break down the brutal truth: if you're trying to help your in-laws grieve while you're still bleeding from betrayal, you're abandoning yourself. From wives being vilified by their husband's entire family to mothers developing relationships with affair partners, this conversation reveals why collusion is so common in ministry marriages and what to do about it. Plus: why Christian couples should stop being embarrassed about sex therapy, the difference between "fine" and "thrilling" intimacy, and how religious trauma keeps couples from having honest conversations about their sex lives. Whether you're the betrayed spouse dealing with toxic in-laws, trying to figure out if you should cut off family members who enabled infidelity, or wondering how to heal when everyone's against you, this episode gives you permission to disconnect from false narratives and reconnect with who you really are. Warning: This conversation challenges the evangelical pressure to "keep the peace" with family at all costs and may trigger those who've built their identity on being the peacemaker instead of protecting their own healing.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

CHAPTERS:

00:00:00 - Lights On: Introduction and Birthday Banter

00:02:22 - Sex Therapy for Christian Couples: Breaking the Taboo

00:08:34 - Letters from Our Readers Introduction

00:09:31 - Today's Topics: Family Collusion After Infidelity

00:09:55 - Defining Collusion: What It Means

00:11:05 - Reading the Listener Letter: Mother-in-Law Enabled the Affair

00:13:18 - Laura's Story: Why We Distanced from Carl's Family

00:14:28 - Ministry Betrayal: Narrative Control is Insane

00:19:40 - Step 1: Change Your Position - You Don't Owe Anyone Access

00:20:20 - Forgiveness Does Not Mean Friendship

00:21:14 - Secure Safety First Before Any Reintegration

00:22:39 - Require Full Disclosure, Not Drip Disclosure

00:26:24 - You Get to Define All the Relationships

00:27:18 - Family Boundary Contract with Clear Repair Requirements

00:33:36 - Picking the Right Therapist: Why Betrayal Trauma Specialists Matter

00:35:56 - Step 4: Your Husband Needs to Step Up and Set the Story Straight

00:37:01 - When a Man Gets Married, He Starts His Own Family

00:39:27 - Protecting Your Children: Who Gets to Tell Them What Happened

00:42:16 - Integrity Example: The Phone Call Story

00:43:54 - Disconnecting from False Narratives About Yourself

00:45:15 - Final Thoughts: Take Control Back One Step at a Time

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In this urgent wake-up call, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the silent epidemic destroying modern life: consumption addiction. Drawing from their own dramatic reconstruction after public crisis and counseling countless people stuck in endless scrolling, they reveal why being the last to know current events is actually a power move, how "mental obesity" is filling your mind with garbage you don't need, and why your brain's unemployment is forcing it to find the worst possible jobs. Carl shares why he lost an hour to a Nicholas Cage conspiracy theory and immediately knew something was wrong, while Laura opens up about blocking all consumption just to survive her darkest season. They break down the brutal truth: if you're busy consuming, you're avoiding creating your actual life. From couples escaping each other through ESPN and Pinterest to parents teaching their kids that presence means distraction, this episode exposes why creation is the only path to peace. They reveal the frame that changed everything: remove 30% of what you consume and watch your life transform. Whether you're a Karen policing hiking trails because you have nothing else going on, a virtue signaler who cares about issues for exactly one post, or someone comparing your life to people you don't even like, this conversation reveals why that phone in your hand might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural addiction to having opinions on everything and may trigger those who've built their entire identity on commentary instead of creation.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - The Quiet Revolution: Creation Over Consumption

01:42 - Why We're Always the Last to Know

03:04 - Mental Obesity Is Real

04:45 - Give Your Brain a Job or It Finds the Worst One

08:01 - Sobriety Isn't the Goal, Building Life Is

10:44 - Why Successful People Never Know What's Happening

13:19 - The Orchestra Story: Build Something Undeniable

15:01 - When Your Hands Are Free, Your Mind Fills It

18:29 - 77% of You Are Consuming Passively

21:08 - Identity Shift: Stop Being Who You Observe

24:57 - The IKEA Effect and Creation Reward

27:52 - Three Signs You're Over-Consuming

31:43 - Nobody Doing Better Than You Will Hate You

34:45 - Create Before You Consume Rule

37:27 - The Parent Phone Problem

40:03 - Collaborate With Your Spouse on Something Creative

42:43 - Carl's Rehab Painting Breakdown

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In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by God Behind Bars

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Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know

01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com

03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)

05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"

08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%

09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)

11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse

16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership

17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System

19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"

22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries

27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences

33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears

38:21 - Plana.org Partnership

38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)

39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"

42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next Steps

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In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks

03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)

05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness

08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"

09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement

12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything

16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies

19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier

22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership

28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever

32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)

36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered

39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"

42:07 - Plana.org Partnership

42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets

49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your Friend

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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by God Behind Bars

https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible

03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away

05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE

10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another

14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"

21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps

23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects

24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership

29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights

35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom

40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"

43:51 - Plana.org Partnership

49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In Pain

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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.

James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.

Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.

Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - INTRO

02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About

11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does

20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership

20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer

26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer

34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap

40:25 - Plana.org Partnership

41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once

49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You

57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness

1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth

1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage Killer

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In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by God Behind Bars

https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain

06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)

10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics

15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership

16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down

19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise

24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain

29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected

30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)

35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened

40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth

45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)

50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered

53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the Field

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In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/

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Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret

03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours

05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction

06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed

08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation

10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First

12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks

17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP

18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off

24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church

30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration

36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again

39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP

40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything

43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man

48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point

52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation

59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters

1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and Community

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