In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"

01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success

05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed

09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him

14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle

20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"

23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership

25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission

32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem

36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything

38:17 - Plana Partnership

41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide

47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets

56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals

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Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with his 21-year-old daughter Ava for the conversation most dads are too afraid to have. What does my daughter actually need from me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about strength, protection, and what it actually takes to lead your daughter well.

Drawing from their own journey of rebuilding after public failure, Carl and Ava expose an uncomfortable truth. Your daughter's inner world is far deeper than you realize. And two things can be true at once. A dad can be trying his best AND his daughter can be starving for real connection.

Ava shares what she needed most as a little girl but never said, including the moments Carl's "strength" actually created fear instead of safety. Carl delivers the perspective most dads never hear. What it is actually like to let your daughter see you broken, and why that vulnerability became the foundation of their relationship today.

From the power of the words that follow "you are" to why your best parenting will feel like friction in the moment, to the question every dad should ask his daughter, this episode delivers practical truths for fathers who want to stop performing and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any dad who believes he needs to have it all figured out.

Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Ava at https://www.instagram.com/avaangellentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS

00:00 The Conversation Most Dads Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Presence

05:18 What Ava Needed Most As A Little Girl

10:07 Why Vulnerability Made Them Closer

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership

16:02 The Worst Advice Dads Receive

19:26 Your Words Become Her Inner Voice

22:00 The Dad Mistake That Creates Fear Not Safety

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Daughters Need Honesty

29:50 Confrontation Is Not The Enemy Of Connection

31:01 Truth 1 Her Inner World Is Deeper Than You Know

34:24 Plana Partnership

36:22 Truth 2 Your Best Parenting Feels Like Friction

38:59 Truth 3 Humanity Strengthens Leadership

43:26 Truth 4 The Power Of You Are

45:07 Truth 5 Legacy Should Always Be Growing

46:59 What Daughters Wish Their Dads Would Ask

49:49 Final Words For Dads Ready To Lead Differently

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

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Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.

Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.

From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.

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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS

00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options

05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man

10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership

16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive

19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being

22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection

29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery

31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach

34:24 Plana Partnership

36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play

38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels

43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure

45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes

46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using

49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

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