Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

---

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.

Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.

From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.

---

Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

---

CHAPTERS

00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options

05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man

10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership

16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive

19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being

22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection

29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery

31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach

34:24 Plana Partnership

36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play

38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels

43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure

45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes

46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using

49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.

Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.

From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You

01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification

04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived

08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap

11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict

14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)

18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework

22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours

25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds

28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking

31:44 - Plana Partnership

32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement

34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts

38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You

40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl

44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura

49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?

53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays End

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.

I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.

I wasn't ready.

We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.

Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."

One more person to reach. One more life to change.

This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

—

// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com

__

🙏 PRAY FOR YOGI

He's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.