Why do we keep doing what we know is wrong—and why does shame convince us to hide it instead of bringing it into the light?

If you’re tired of repeating the same patterns and then spiraling into shame, this episode maps a way back to truth—and back to the people who can help you heal.

Liza and Tim talk honestly about “besetting” (habitual) sin—those stuck places where you look up and think, “What just happened?” They explore how repeated choices can dull our spiritual sensitivity, and how shame grows when we carry sin alone in secrecy. Tim offers a pastoral rhythm: identify the lie driving the pattern, write it down, and pair it with Scripture and trusted community so truth can reshape what you believe—and therefore what you do.

Key Takeaways

• Habitual sin often includes a “what just happened?” moment—patterns can form even when we know better.
• Shame isolates by whispering “hide this,” but healing grows when it’s brought into the light with others.
• What you believe shapes what you do—so identify the lie beneath the behavior.
• Replace the lie with truth: write the lie down and place Scripture underneath it as a practiced rhythm.
• Don’t do this alone—bring it to a trusted friend/mentor and into Christian community.

Action Steps

• Name the pattern (the “besetting” place) without excuses or self-hatred.
• Ask: “What did I believe that led me here?” and write that lie down.
• Find Scripture that contradicts the lie and write the truth beneath it.
• Bring it to someone trusted (friend, elder, mentor) and invite prayer + perspective.
• Take one small step toward the light—in prayer or honest conversation—remembering healing isn’t always linear.

The holidays can be full of lights and laughter—unless you’re the one barely holding it together or walking with someone who is. What do you do when a friend finally admits, “I’m not okay,” right in the middle of a season where everyone else seems to be celebrating?

How can you love them like Jesus without minimizing their pain, trying to fix everything, or burning yourself out in the process?

Host Liza sits down with Pastor Tim to talk about how to show up like Jesus when December feels isolating, grief-filled, or overwhelming for the people we love. They name the wide range of holiday experiences—from full houses to empty chairs and quiet apartments—and invite listeners to lay down assumptions about how “everyone” must be doing. Together they unpack the difference between sympathy and empathy, how to avoid centering yourself in someone else’s pain, and what it looks like to be interruptible and present. They also address what to do when you’re worried about self-harm or suicide, including knowing your limits and involving professional help. Through scripture reflections and practical stories, they remind us that this is ultimately God’s story—and we get to walk in it together.

Key Takeaways

· Drop the assumptions. Behind every smile is a deeper story, especially around Christmas; don’t presume you know how someone feels about the holidays.

· Resist making it about you. Jumping in with your own story can shift the focus back to yourself; instead, listen and stay with their experience before you speak.

· Move from sympathy to empathy. Loving your neighbor “as yourself” includes stretching to imagine life in their shoes and asking what they might truly need, not just what feels easy to offer.

· Be comfortable with discomfort. Like Jesus, learn to stay present in hard conversations rather than escaping with clichés, humor, or quick distractions.

· Hold healthy boundaries. You can sit in the pit with someone without absorbing all their pain or becoming their sole rescuer; their story ultimately belongs to them and to God.

· Take self-harm seriously. If a friend talks about hurting themselves or others, stay with them, acknowledge your limits, and help connect them with suicide hotlines, trusted family, and professional care.

Action Steps / Practical Applications

✅ Check in on one person this week. Text or call a friend you know is struggling and ask directly, “What do you need right now, and how can I sit with you in it?”

✅ Practice presence over fixing. When someone shares something heavy, pause before offering advice; reflect back what you heard and name their pain instead of trying to distract or “solve” it.

✅ Name your limits and bring in help. If conversations move toward self-harm or deep despair, stay with them and also suggest calling a trusted hotline, counselor, or family member together so you’re not carrying it alone.

✅ Pray and re-center the story on Jesus. In your own heart (and with your friend if they’re open), remember that this is God’s story; ask Jesus to guide your words and to hold what you cannot fix.

✅ Don’t miss the joy. Even as you care for hurting friends, intentionally show up for worship and the celebrations that keep you rooted in the hope and joy of Christ’s coming.

When your December calendar is packed and your soul feels strangely quiet, Jesus invites you to slow down, listen, and actually live like a human again.

Why does disappointing other people feel scarier than disappointing our own bodies and souls—especially in December? In a season meant for waiting on Jesus, many of us are exhausted from saying yes to everything and everyone, unsure how to rest without feeling selfish.

Key Takeaways

· When your “yes” is driven by perception, FOMO, or people-pleasing, your soul can go quiet even while your calendar is full.

· We often overvalue working, hustling, and “showing up,” while quietly celebrating one another for breaking the fourth commandment—ignoring Sabbath.

· Sabbath simply means “stop”: stop striving, stop controlling, and remember you’re a beloved child of God before you accomplish anything.

· Paying attention to energy, not just time, helps you notice what drains you and what fills you, and to plan December with both in view.

· You can be honest with God at the party you didn’t want to attend—asking Him to help you love others and also know when it’s time to leave.

· Rest isn’t selfish: it’s the rhythm that lets you show up to friends, family, and church with a present, awake, joy-filled soul.

Action Steps / Practical Applications

✅ Block a Sabbath stop in your week. Choose a concrete window (even 2–3 hours) to stop working, striving, and organizing—light a candle, take a slow walk, eat a simple meal, and let your soul “catch up” to your body.

✅ Color-code your December week. Mark life-giving events and draining obligations in different colors so you can see where you’ll be empty—and where you’ll be refilled—and adjust before you burn out.

✅ Pray before you RSVP. Ask, “Lord, is this a yes of love or a yes of fear?” If it’s fear-driven, consider a smaller yes—like showing up for 20 minutes—or a gentle, honest no.

✅ Ground yourself in your body. When you feel scattered, pause and notice your senses—the feel of the air, your breathing, your feet on the floor—as a way of letting your soul become loud and present again.

✅ Find an Advent accountability partner. Share your plan to pause, pray, and protect with a friend and give them permission to check in when your “yes” is starting to outrun your soul.