Welcome back to The Anxious Attachment Solution.

Today we’re talking about one of the biggest obstacles that keeps you from calming down when you feel completely out of control.

You know logically that your reaction isn’t aligned with who you want to be. You can see yourself over-texting, over-calling, getting defensive, blaming. You know it’s not helping — and yet you can’t stop. The feelings are overwhelming. The behaviors follow. And often the other person pulls away, shuts down, or ghosts — which only reinforces the fear.

If you’re here, it’s because you want this pattern to change.

Everything I share comes from love and lived experience. I believe you can rewire your brain, soothe your anxious attachment, and build a secure base within yourself. But first, we must address the biggest block:

The belief that you cannot change.

When you believe:

• “I can’t control this.”
• “This is just how I am.”
• “They made me feel this way.”
• “If they would just do x, y, z, I’d be okay.”

You hand your power away.

Yes, the trigger feels real. But what’s actually happening is this: something activates an old wound. That wound activates fear. Fear activates urgency. Urgency activates the spiral.

Your brain plays a soundtrack: “They don’t love me.” “I’m not important.” “They’re going to leave.” “I’m too much.”

In that moment, you believe the story. That’s why you can’t stop the spiral — because it feels true.

But if the problem were truly the other person, the pattern would have resolved by now. The repeated cycle tells us something deeper is happening.

You cannot reason with a dysregulated nervous system.

So the work is not convincing someone else to change. The work is learning to regulate yourself.

Responsibility is not shame. Responsibility is the ability to respond.

You stop the spiral by:

1. Becoming aware of your trigger thoughts.
2. Questioning the story your brain is telling.
3. Creating safety in your body before trying to fix the situation.
4. Practicing compassion instead of self-attack.

Urgency is your cue for compassion.

Pause. Hand on heart. Breathe. “My anxious attachment is triggered. I am safe. My brain is not a reliable narrator right now.”

Feel the emotion in your body. Label it. Allow it. Most emotions move through when we stop resisting them. You don’t have to believe the fear to process the feeling.

You are not broken. This is not your fault. But it is your responsibility if you want it to change.

You are capable of building emotional resilience. You are capable of responding differently. You are capable of creating safety within yourself.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Let’s Connect:

• Join our Free Podcast Community on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Community
• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation

In today’s episode, we explore how anxious attachment pulls us out of the present moment and into powerful emotional stories rooted in the past. When something in our current relationship feels uncertain—like a delayed text, a shift in mood, or a moment of conflict—our nervous system can interpret it as danger. Instead of looking at the real facts in front of us, our brain searches for familiar, fear-based narratives: I’m not enough. They’re going to leave. Something is wrong. I did something bad. These stories feel true because they are wired to old emotional wounds, but they often have little to do with what is actually happening right now.

We also look at how conflict in relationships can quickly become proof of unlovability for someone with anxious attachment. A simple conversation or misunderstanding can trigger defensiveness, shutdown, over-explaining, or an urgent need for reassurance. These reactions may bring temporary relief, but they keep us stuck in what we call “anxious attachment land”—a place of panic, overthinking, and emotional disconnection where real problem-solving and intimacy cannot happen.

Through a personal story, this episode highlights how unexamined attachment fears can block curiosity, compassion, and healthy communication. When feedback feels like a threat instead of information, we lose the ability to stay present with the person we love. Healing begins with awareness: noticing the trigger, calming the nervous system, and choosing a new response rooted in safety rather than fear. This means validating emotions, listening before defending, and reminding ourselves that love is not fragile just because imperfection exists.

We also discuss how anxious attachment shows up in dating—shaping how we present ourselves, what behavior we tolerate, and how we measure our worth. Rewriting these inner stories requires self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, and slowly practicing more supportive beliefs about lovability and enoughness.

This episode is an invitation to step out of survival mode, question the stories your mind tells, and begin creating relationships grounded in security, honesty, and true emotional connection.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Join our Free Podcast Community on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Community
• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation

Why does rejection hurt so deeply—and why does it seem to linger longer for those of us with anxious attachment?

In today’s episode of The Anxious Attachment Solution, I’m diving into why rejection feels so devastating, how our brain and nervous system respond to it, and what actually keeps us stuck in pain long after the rejection happens.

This year, rejection became deeply personal for me when my sister did not attend my wedding because I am gay. While whether someone agrees with her beliefs isn’t the point of this episode, the experience opened my eyes to a type of rejection we rarely talk about: family and friendship rejection. The kind of rejection layered with history, shared memories, love, and grief.

We often focus on rejection in romantic relationships and breakups, but we don’t talk enough about the grief that comes with being rejected by people who were once our safe place. Underneath the anger, confusion, and rumination is often unprocessed grief—and our brain works overtime to avoid feeling it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why the anxious attachment brain gets stuck in confusion, anger, and rumination
• How resisting reality keeps us trapped in emotional suffering
• Why trying to earn, prove, or convince someone to choose us causes more pain
• How rejection activates deep wounds around worth, lovability, and abandonment
• The difference between grief and the stories we tell ourselves about rejection
• Why ghosting, silence, and lack of closure are so dysregulating for anxious attachment
• How our nervous system uses relationships to regulate self-worth—and what happens when they end

I also walk you through how to begin creating safety within yourself instead of outsourcing it to other people. You’ll learn how to calm your nervous system, supervise unhelpful thoughts, and process rejection without making it mean something is wrong with you.

Rejection hurts. Grief hurts. Heartbreak hurts. But we don’t have to abandon ourselves or attack our worth in the middle of it.

This episode is an invitation to stop resisting your feelings, build emotional resilience, and learn how to hold yourself with compassion through loss—so you can heal without losing yourself in the process.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you are not broken for hurting.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Join our Free Podcast Community on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Community
• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation