5 Ways I Tried to Fix His Drinking (and the Question That Finally Helped Me Move Forward)

Jennifer Randall Young introduces The Life with an Alcoholic, a show focused on the woman holding everything together while someone she loves is falling apart. She describes treating her husband’s drinking like a “customer service problem” and shares five approaches she believed would finally fix it—loving him harder, researching obsessively, chasing the right doctor or missing clue, hiding bottles and consequences, and explaining it perfectly—none of which gave her the control she wanted. She explains that love isn’t leverage, effort isn’t control, and boundaries are decisions about what she will do, not words to make him understand. Her turning point was shifting from “How do I fix him?” to “What do I need next?” and she offers a three-column exercise to separate what’s hers, what she can influence, and what’s not hers, plus a 48-hour next step and safety disclaimer.

00:00 Welcome and Purpose

00:34 Customer Service Mindset

01:47 Why Trying Makes Sense

02:42 Love Him Harder

03:45 Researching for Control

04:50 The Right Doctor Myth

06:03 Hiding the Evidence

07:21 Explaining It Perfectly

08:36 The Question That Changed

09:23 Three Column Exercise

10:39 Moving Forward and Resources

11:54 Safety Note and Goodbye

For more resources and tools;

Life With app
https://www.thelifewith.app/
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/life-with-an-alcoholic/id6761145430

Life With: an Alcoholic

Impossible Choice Action Guide

https://impossiblechoice.co/action

Clearly Together
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/clearly-together/id6782741136

Clearly Together

Your FREE Reality Check;

https://yourrealitycheck.lovable.app

   Scared to Stay or Leave? The “Third Path” to Clarity When You Love Someone Who Drinks

Jennifer, creator of Life With An Alcoholic, offers a “third path” for those who feel scared to stay and scared to leave: instead of forcing a life-changing decision while overwhelmed, she outlines a framework to rebuild clarity and self-trust by shifting your inner life away from someone else’s drinking. She walks through six steps—clarity (separating facts from hopes and promises), identity (reconnecting with who you are), vision (defining desired life qualities without choosing an outcome), plan (preparing for both “if nothing changes” and “meaningful change begins”), resources (emotional, practical, professional, and safety support), and action (one personal step or boundary). She also shares a two-minute reset with four daily questions and emphasizes boundaries don’t control another person’s drinking but change your relationship with yourself.

00:00 Stuck Between Stay Leave

01:19 Introducing The Third Path

02:47 Clarity Over Chaos

03:53 Reclaim Your Identity

05:07 Vision Without Choosing

06:04 Make A Two Column Plan

07:20 Build Your Resource Stack

08:58 One Action And Boundaries

10:57 Two Minute Daily Reset

12:18 Closing Support And Safety

For more resources and tools;

Life With app
https://www.thelifewith.app/
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/life-with-an-alcoholic/id6761145430

Life With: an Alcoholic

Impossible Choice Action Guide

https://impossiblechoice.co/action

Clearly Together
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/clearly-together/id6782741136

Clearly Together

Your FREE Reality Check;

https://yourrealitycheck.lovable.app

SMART Recovery Family & Friends: Boundaries, Self-Compassion, and Healthy Hope

Host Jennifer Randall-Young introduces The Life with an Alcoholic, focused on supporting women affected by a loved one’s drinking, then interviews Pete Rubenis, CEO of SMART Recovery USA. Pete explains SMART’s scope (nearly 1,500 U.S. meetings, including family and friends groups), his personal decision to end his relationship with alcohol in 2017, and why SMART’s evidence-based, secular CBT/motivational approach and empowering language appealed to him. They discuss the difference between productive vs. counterproductive helping (often labeled “enabling”), emphasizing self-compassion, capacity-building, and tools for clearer communication and boundaries as self-care rather than rules or ultimatums. Grief is acknowledged as normal but often better processed with professionals. Pete describes “healthy hope” as realistic expectations about behavior change and lapse, and he cautions against stigmatizing labels like “alcoholic.” He directs listeners to smartrecovery.org, the meeting finder, the app, and the Family & Friends handbook and worksheets.