『Letting Go』のカバーアート

Letting Go

Letting Go

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The other day I posted on my social media channels an image I created showing 5 Things to stop doing TODAY.  There were a lot of comments from Women especially who felt seen in the examples I shared and in the “5 Things”. To give you some context, the 5 things to stop doing today are…      1.   STOP Being “nice” vs setting boundaries    2.   STOP Comparing yourself to others    3.   STOP Letting fear make decisions for you    4.   STOP Accepting less than you deserve    5.   STOP Allowing what happened TO you to define you Reading through the comments I started thinking about the whole concept of stopping something or “Letting Go” and how it’s so easy to say and so hard to do, even when we WANT to, it’s not always as simple as we would like it to be. I want to dive into each one of these areas, and how it’s shown up in my life, the lives of so many Executive Women I have interviewed over the years, and perhaps even your life and what we can do to start letting go of these habits & behaviors that are not serving us. Going deep into each one of these would make for a very long podcast, and likely one where you might start nodding off, (I know with my attention span, I need things in bite sized increments) so I’m going to address each one individually over the next 5 episodes.  But first, today, I want to talk about why letting go of old habits and patterns can be so hard for us.  I did some research, because that’s what I do, I research everything and I know how hard I struggle to let go of things at times, especially when it means I am the one who has to change!   I don’t know about you, but one thing I’ve learned about myself is that I can be incredibly stubborn and as soon as I think someone is imposing change ON ME, and it’s not something I freely want to do, I can be quite the force…even to my own detriment (ask my wife, she could tell you a lot of stories about how stubborn I can be!).  I’m not proud of this aspect of my behavior and I work on it daily and while I know I still have work to do, I have gotten much better than I used to be.    I have learned, typically the hard way through a lot of heartache, self-doubt and frustrations to step back and allow people to show me who they are vs seeing them for who I WANT them to be.  I have learned to set boundaries to protect my peace and for the most part I’ve let go of the past and live in the now.  I’m proud of these changes because for years I would accept bad behavior from others, hoping something would change.  I spent way too long questioning myself, my worth, my expectations and even my own sanity as a result of being treated poorly by others.  It was very hard for me to accept that whether their intentions were to hurt me or not didn’t really matter, it was their actions and how I felt that mattered.  I would accept bad behavior for a long, long time, and then something would happen, often something small and in the big scheme of things inconsequential but for whatever reason, in that moment, whatever they did or said pushed me just too far and that something finally triggered my brain, or my heart, and like a switch, I was done.  Something just clicks and then, there is no going back.  I tend to be all in on something or all out, I’m not saying this is a good thing, I’m just being transparent.  I know myself pretty well at this point, and I know there isn’t much about me that’s tepid, and change is no different. Change can be really hard, and making a change means we are letting go of someone, something or a framework that for some reason we have held onto.  Somewhere deep in the those dark, often scary places of our minds and hearts we know the change is needed, and yet, there is something keeping us tied to our current situation or mindset.  For me, I think it was often hard for me to let go because I felt like I was the failure and to acknowledge that I had yet again had a failed relationship meant there was something wrong with ME. We stay in bad relationships, we continue to work for toxic bosses, we open ourselves up to disappointment and hurt over and over and we while WANT it to be different, we often stay right where we are.  But why?  Why do we do this to ourselves?  I want to reiterate…I am NOT a therapist or a licensed mental health provider, but I have lived, and I have experienced some things…and I observe and I am a lifelong student of the world, and here are some things I believe to be true… 1.   Living in the Past is easier…for people who don’t like change, living in the past or repeating patterns of past behaviors and outcomes feels safe, even if it’s harming them in the present, there is a certain safety in the pattern.  The predictability feels familiar and provides a false sense of control.    Abusive relationships don’t typically start out as abusive.  Think about romantic partners, bosses, friends and even ...
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