『Letting Go of the Stories You Tell Yourself: Is It True? Is It Helpful? Is It Kind? [291]』のカバーアート

Letting Go of the Stories You Tell Yourself: Is It True? Is It Helpful? Is It Kind? [291]

Letting Go of the Stories You Tell Yourself: Is It True? Is It Helpful? Is It Kind? [291]

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概要
 It's great that us humans are storytellers... except when we tell rigid, oversimplified stories about who we are, what happened to us, and what's possible next. The solution is not to get rid of our stories as they can help us make sense of a complex world, build identity, and find some control in chaos. One strategy to loosen up on our stories is to do some editing to them. We can ask a story that might be holding us three questions: Is it true? (Memory is like a Wikipedia page, not a replayable video — constantly re-edited by mood, depression, and anxiety.)Is it helpful? (We're terrible predictors of our future selves and tend to overestimate how much one event defines us.)Is it kind? (Unkind stories activate the stress response and can shut down possibility; self-compassion is the condition that makes change possible.) In this episode, we'll dig into how we can identify our stories, ask some questions of them, and make some honest edits so our stories can become tools for growth and possibility. Ready to take action? Learn more about Experiments here. Referenced books (more sources below): Two Islands & A Boat (narrative therapy resource) Related Episodes: Start of our Grief Series. ep. 248: Grief, Growth & The Wholeness of Being Human (Grief Recovery & Healing Series part 1) About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating. Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North. Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: Spotify | Apple | YouTube Questions this episode was made for: Q: How do I let go of a story about myself that I've been telling for years — especially when it feels completely true? A: This episode offers three practical questions to ask any story you're holding: is it true, is it helpful, and is it kind. These questions can help us edit our stories so they are more honest and enable growth. Q: Does letting go of my stories mean I have to pretend the bad things didn't happen or turn them into something positive? A: No! That's toxic positivity and it sucks our joy. Letting go of stories is not about denial, toxic positivity, or crafting a phoenix-rising narrative; it's about loosening the tight grip so the story doesn't have unearned power over what's possible. Full transcript Key moments: [00:00] Welcome — Letting go of our stories [01:00] What letting go of stories is NOT: ignoring the past, rejecting what happened, abandoning truth that keeps us safe or gives direction [02:30] Creating stories about ourselves helps us make sense of the world, form identity, find belonging, feel some control in chaos [03:00] The problem isn't that we make up stories — it's that we believe them; seeing a story as a story lets us keep the good without letting it dictate our lives [03:30] Narrative therapy: clarifying, challenging, recrafting stories; book recommendations and practitioner note in show notes [04:30] The kettlebell metaphor: stories are like light kettlebells — easy to pick up, helpful to swing around, but they get heavy with time and take resources to hold [05:30] When arms are free and open: more open to love, growth, success — and also rejection, failure, sorrow; that's why we grip; uncertainty takes skill [06:00] Thich Nhat Hanh: "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." — substitute suffering with stories [07:30] There can be real grief in letting go of a story — even the best decision can come with loss; link to Grief Series in show notes [08:00] But when you let go, you create space for something new — it might take a while to arrive, but at least it's possible [08:30] Even our thriving main-character stories can hold us back in unhelpful ways [09:00] Three questions to ask of any story: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? [10:00] Our brain crafts simple stories to explain complex situations — comforting, but rarely fully true for complex human lives [10:30] We retell stories until they feel more true; memory is not a replayable video — Dr. Elizabeth Loftus: memory is more like a Wikipedia page [11:00] Memory gets re-edited by many people and experiences, not just us — similar to how perception is influenced by so many things [11:30] When experiencing depression or anxiety, our perspective narrows — the stories and edits we make during those times reflect that narrowed view [12:00] Asking "is it true?" lets us examine the edits and the context in which they were made [13:00] We don't have to deny what's true, but we get to choose what fills our awareness and which stories we hold tightly vs. loosely — but only if we see...
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