The self management component of emotional intelligence is the working on our behavior now that we are more aware of who we are, and most often times it is in the waiting on something - a response, a report, a finished project, in the moment of thinking through possible responses to what is happening, or a connection we so desperately want. Where the trust we learned in infancy plays a large role in how we perceive ourselves, the practice we had in toddler and preschool years plays a large roll in how we manage ourselves. This is where we see the benefits of those effective and developmentally appropriate "time-outs" and getting opportunities to "try again." As adults, pausing, deep breaths, and redirecting our thoughts are some of the skills needed as we master this art with finesse. Some would say this is the most difficult aspect of Emotional Intelligence.

Recommended reading for this episode:

The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

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During infancy we begin to understand our existence, also referred to as "self", when someone literally hears our cries and physically takes the time to determine what our needs are. It is in those critical and beautiful moments that we learn trust, that there is a balance, a system at play, and we are an important part of it. Our first experiences of communication along with our environment greatly influence our perception of those experiences and future opportunities. That perception determines if, when, and how we choose to cultivate our relationships. I propose because this is the period of life where we learn how important it is to express ourselves in order to get a desired outcome, this is the beginning of emotional intelligence. As we age, we practice managing those skills - as a child and teen to get what we want, and later as an adult to determine what it is we want and and how we are going to work to get and maintain it. In my view, this is the most significant of the five components of emotional intelligence because it helps to explain why we operate the way we do.

Recommended website that includes links to her books:

about-dr-shefali