Kerry has been making high-stakes decisions and leading people through difficult situations for years. And even when she considers herself open to feedback and emotionally grounded, there are still moments when something hits a nerve and she can feel herself defending against things that have not even been said.

That moment happened the same day Kerry recorded this episode. And it became the starting point for a deeper conversation about what emotional intelligence actually looks like under pressure. Not as an abstract leadership concept, but in the seconds after something triggers you.

Kerry explores what happens when leaders misread comments, react to stories they have created, or let their emotions take over the conversation. Because when a leader cannot manage themselves, their team starts managing them instead.

Kerry’s new book, Talk With Trust, is now available: https://a.co/d/05mNRnJH

To learn more, visit http://kerrysiggins.com

Let’s connect on LinkedIn, Instagram, or TikTok!

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-siggins-166b66/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kerry.siggins/

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@kerry.siggins

Something I keep seeing in my own company, in conversations with leaders I know, and honestly in my own life is that almost every conflict has the same thing underneath it. Someone needs to be right. Not because the facts require it. Because something in their identity requires it.

I had an employee recently who was frustrated that he was not being heard. And the more I watched how he showed up in meetings, the more I could see that his need to be right was the very thing making people stop listening to him. He would get angry, people would pull back, he would get disinvited to meetings, and then feel even less heard. A loop. Not caused by the people around him. Caused by the question he was never asking himself: do I want to be right, or do I want influence?

That question is what this episode is about. Not as a simple call to be agreeable or let things go. There are facts worth defending, values worth holding, positions worth taking. But before any of that, there is a more honest question: what am I actually trying to accomplish here?

Kerry’s new book, Talk With Trust, is now available: https://a.co/d/05mNRnJH

To learn more, visit http://kerrysiggins.com

Let’s connect on LinkedIn, Instagram, or TikTok!

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-siggins-166b66/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kerry.siggins/

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@kerry.siggins

Something I keep seeing in my company, in the situations leaders bring to me, and honestly in my own life, is that the argument on the surface is almost never the actual conflict. Someone gets left out of a meeting and suddenly they are furious. Someone's idea gets overruled and now there is tension that feels personal. Someone misses a commitment and now they cannot be trusted with anything.

None of those responses are really about the original event. They are about what the person decided the event meant.

I caught myself in this not long ago. Someone questioned a decision I made, and I had a thought I would not say out loud: I'm the CEO. Just do what I say. I did not act on it. But that instinct was real, and it was useful information, not about the other person, but about me. About what I was afraid would happen if I lost control of that situation.

That is what this episode is about. Not conflict resolution as a skill set, but conflict as information. What does it reveal about what you are protecting? Underneath most emotionally charged conflict, I have found a threat to one of three things, control, trust, or respect. Sometimes all three at once, stacking on top of each other until what started as a simple disagreement feels like a personal attack.

My new book, Talk With Trust, is now available: https://a.co/d/05mNRnJH

To learn more, visit http://kerrysiggins.com

Let’s connect on LinkedIn, Instagram, or TikTok!

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-siggins-166b66/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kerry.siggins/

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@kerry.siggins