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  • Kagro in the Morning - September 25, 2026
    2026/09/25
    Well, David Waldman tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the studio/kitchen, poured himself a cup of ambition, yawned and stretched and tried to come to life… results might have been mixed, but KITM only goes 9 to 11, then there's the weekend! Markwayne Mullin, unmarried, has had a long-term live-in relationship with Missouri Gop Jason Smith. One thing is certain. Markwayne Mullin is a moron. White House press pool members have regained access… no they haven't… maybe they have… bet they sure feel owned by now! Private security guards will be watching Postal Police officers watching Postal Union members whose jobs are being replaced by AI. Trump hasn't yet replaced all voters with AI, so he plans to send a couple thousand federal agents to breathe on any human voters who might want to vote wrong. Trump goons aren't just watching you, as snitching on each other pays off even more. Don't worry, Donald K. Trump Jr. will pay back Umar Kremlev somehow. Russians do accept all forms of payment. Maintenance projects have been put off around the country and rerouted to more important Trump things. There will always be money to pay for upkeep later, and even more if he never pays.
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    1 時間 56 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - October 12, 2026
    1 時間 57 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - October 9, 2026
    2026/10/09
    David Waldman treats us to another KITM beforeanother jerky weekend. Did you hear? There's talk about impeaching Donald K. Trump and Pete Kegsbreth! So much so that the two of them teamed up to introduce a frankly compelling alternative. Yes, it is impossible to underestimate the depravity of this administration. Next up against the wall are slated to be Somalis. Not just any Somalis but... no... actually, any Somalis. Tom Emmer went from holding a caucus to holding the Luger. Let's see, following the Somalis will be... Canadians. We're gonna need a bigger wall. Trump also wants criminal charges against Cassidy Hutchinson, and Lisa Cook, and probably Navi Pillay before the end of today. What about Kimberly Guilfoyle? Kim established a "fake it 'till you make it" club in Greece that did a lot of faking, but not much making. Eric "Honey please" Deters is really in the doghouse with his wife now! Marco Rubio doesn't believe a word of this, except for the part where he takes her out before she endangers his bosses. Don Jr says, "Tell Kim. I want her to know it was me." Set a course for repugnance! Boxcars of migrants can now be simply loaded into cargo ships for deportation.
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    1 時間 57 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - September 28, 2026
    2026/09/28
    On today's KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until the midterm elections and determine that there are altogether too many of them. Are Democrats going to win the midterms? Who knows! If you were to poll polls, they would tell you that they like "Democrats", and that they really do not like "Republicans". That, and several bucks, will buy you a cup of coffee. We do seem to have a blue wave and a red undertow in those polls. The primaries portend well. Early voting is happening a lot. All that probably means many things, much of which will become clearer in retrospect. In New Jersey's 7th congressional district, home of Kean University and future former home of Tim Kean, Kean's incumbency and red district don't look like they'll save him. Maine voters might end up term limiting Susan Collins to five terms. In Texas, John Cornyn isn't going to even bother with Ken Paxton. Ohio has been falling into a red sinkhole for decades, but the data centers issue might actually lift it out. Even lifelong Republican John Fetterman says it's entirely possible that Democrats take back the Senate. As usual, most of the credit has got to go to Donald K. Trump, the least wily of all super-geniuses in world history. Victory in Venezuela, and that dotard still can't keep from spoiling all of his spoils. AI might not be as smart as Trump, but it can FUBAR a million times faster. Meanwhile, Stephen Miller is living the life he deserves, hiding in fear. Miller might not be in danger every moment of every day, but as long as he feels that way, it's okay.
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    1 時間 57 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - September 29, 2026
    2026/09/29
    David Waldman weaves a fine tapestry of stupid news for us today. Donald K. Trump wants more money, more bribes, more gold. "To the victor go the spoils" is the key message of the Constitution, and the Bible, as far as he's concerned. Trump had a pile of Venezuelan gold at his feet before the bodies were cold. Amazingly, few refiners are interested in Blood Gold, even though that's been the Venezuelan currency with the US for the last decade. Six or more prosecutors have quit the Trump Grand Conspiracy case being run by Aileen Cannon. A prosecutor also quit on an investigation into former C.I.A. director John O. Brennan. There are still plenty attempting to weaponize government, however. Cassidy Hutchinson feels the intimidation. A group called ShinyHunters hacked into the FBI, gaining personal info on tens of thousands of employees. The FBI hasn't caught any of them, because they aren't that good. Why worry? Not all of them could be into bestiality… Why would Artificial Intelligence… excuse me, Super Intelligence, even bother with instantly killing us all when it's so fun to just troll everyone?
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    1 時間 57 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - September 30, 2026
    2026/09/30
    At least David Waldman can prove where he was this morning. Eric Schmidt was hoist with his own Jack Smith petard the moment that we all discovered, in real time, his very own conspiracy theory was 100% Schmidt. And to think Eric was so close to the big time too! Greg Dworkin hauls in a huge Raft O' Stories™, chock full o' X crap™. Elon has had a tough time recently and we all need to pull together to help. Blue wave, maybe! Only one sure way to know, and it's not polls. Polling and results could end up in a similar place this time, though, mostly because Donald K. Trump sucks so much. Just ask Ken Paxton! Just ask Marjorie Taylor Greene! Just ask AI! ...right before it slits your throat. Of course, "AI" is no match for "SI", or the "Stupid Idiot" who spelled United States wrong in an executive order. Venezuela has spent a decade trying to please Trump and look at what it got them. A federal judge last week ordered the Trump administration to "immediately" notify her if it plans to release federal voter eligibility lists, and now they have to plan something worse. Pete Hegseth will keep firing generals until the armed forces looks completely fabulous. If you are into cuckolds, cosplay, and cages, this is your lucky day!
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    1 時間 56 分
  • Kagro in the Morning - October 1, 2026
    2026/10/01
    David Waldman and Greg Dworkin kick off the KITM Octoberfest. "The outlook is good.", say pollsters who rarely, if ever, use a Magic 8 Ball. Republicans now have a 27% chance of holding the Senate. They have a 1 out of 100 chance of winning the House. Don't say they didn't warn you. For instance, the national bellwether race in the state of Virginia has a Democrat on a narrow edge. So does the battleground New York House contest. Texas is still red… but so tantalizingly close… so inviting to drop some cash now for 2028. Bulletin: Most blame Donald K. Trump for higher prices and are unhappy with how he is handling the economy. Trump blames himself for his awful Supreme Court. And for not banning all journalism and just hiring an ad agency. He told you he had a gun! But did you listen? Most likely, we'll have some sort of midterms though, and Republicans are pretty certain to lose, and pretty certain that they will lose. In Texas, many are voting for a change of face, many because they actually like James Talarico as much as they hate Trump. Many are voting against Ken Paxton, although drowning him would be fine. Gina Hinojosa is doing well with those who ran out of excuses for their education system. Bobby Pulido really makes Quinceañeras great again. Susan Collins probably can't sing but can't do commercials well either. Sherrod Brown really can't sing but knows how to do a commercial. Republicans discovered that there are fewer rich voters than poor voters, so how does 38¢ off a gallon of gas sound, hm? Meanwhile, as the administration makes orphanages and asylums great again, Todd Blanche wants to lock Minnesota's federal district judges up, and Kash Patel wants to tie naughty sheep down.
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    1 時間 57 分