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Lengthers, Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians; roll up your sleeves, put on your bib and dig in to the final feast of the year!

Jeff Fenech's brain will be donated to science and boy oh boy are the possible learnings limitless. Following the Marrickville Maulers lead, brains should be compulsorily acquirable by the newly established National Brain Register, whose research focus on two main categories: Badly Damaged Brains, and Brains of Extraordinary Achievement, with Fenech's brain belonging to the former, and Jim Molan's belonging to the latter. Science.

y = k/x - Brains Warner’s law of Inverse Proportions. The more runs David ‘Brains’ Warner makes, the less we seem to like him. Go figure. Scores of 300-plus used to be applauded, but Brains is busy swatting off criticisms amid a smattering of applause.

The soul of Australian Boxing has been tickled, warmed, nourished. Genuine, quiet, hard-working Australians just want to feel good and nothing makes us feel better than watching two blokes put their dukes up in the ring. Tim Tzsyu, all soul. Justin Hodges? Somewhat less soul, but points for trying.

What next for Israel Folau? A stint in supercars? A night at the speedway? Formula 1? Where is there the most money to be made? The Sport of Court paid handsomely, but what next? Roy’s theory could be on the money...

The AFL has been universally whacked for relentlessly tinkering with the rules. The NRL has closely observed the AFL’s experience and, in a stroke of ‘genius’, has decided to do exactly the same thing. New season, new rules, new ways to complain about the refereeing? After all, it’s all about the fans and the fans like bagging the refs more than they like watching the game.

ScoMo is draining the swamp by merging government departments and the newly combined super departments are a little surprising. Here’s a question: why isn’t there a minister for Rugby League? A perfect opportunity for Big Mal to re-enter politics. Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians who love Rugby League and vote.

Thanks for tuning in, writing in, downloading and sharing Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG in 2019! Have a Merry Christmas and we’ll be coming in from the long run again in 2020!

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Bend over, Lengthers, and get ready for a strip search; Horse Force is on patrol! Gigs are up for grabs in the strip search unit, just in time for Operation Stink. Have you got what it takes?

Is sport under an existential threat in Australia? Does the future of the Australian park feature players? One worrying thesis suggests sport’s popularity is waning. Waning! In Australia! Making matters worse, waiting in the wings to take centre stage when sport collapses... is gaming. Video games! Can you believe it? Instead of wandering into the middle with a Gray Nichols under the arm, young Australians are sinking into sofas with an Xbox in one hand and a Playstation in the other! It’s a gross betrayal of Australian values. We’re calling for a Royal Commission.

Everyone is worried about the Koalas, rightfully so. But only 4000 tigers remain in the wild and there are many more sporting teams named after tigers than koalas! The Richmond Tigers, known experts in animal husbandry, have tooled up and are on a mission to help their struggling mascot. Always keen to lend a hand, Roy and HG have a proposal: A Tiger sanctuary in the South Western suburbs of Sydney.

Sydney’s race tracks are awash with cocaine and local magistrates have had it up to here. “Another race day on cocaine?” asked an exasperated judge, fed up with a vast number of coked-up racegoers wandering into his courthouse. Cocaine, MDMA, cobalt - and here we were thinking people simply wanted to punt! Next thing you’ll be telling us is that cocaine was detected at the ARIA Awards!

For two years at least, the AFL has been criticised by the wider footy community for incessantly tinkering with the rules. “Leave the game alone” fans screamed, frustrated by 6-6-6, score reviews, and the ill-fated AFLX. The AFL has listened, and the AFL has reacted… by proposing further rule changes, this time to the half-time break which apparently lasts far too long. Solution: lop off a quarter. Four quarters becomes three thirds. Remove the slack.

Jason Day’s back has conked out - again - forcing him out of the President’s Cup and the Australian Open. Filling his spot in the International team is world number 43 Byeung Hun An. Big mistake. Have they not thought of Mark Hensby? The Aussie talisman has risen from world ranking position 2079 to 2061 -- in one week!

Your emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the quality of the correspondence remains unfathomably high. We’d watch Slaughterhouse Rules.

All of that and plenty more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!

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