Have you ever had a moment with your child that you wish you could go back and do differently?

I have.

In this episode, I share a story from a moment in my kitchen that was incredibly traumatic for me.

I was exhausted, overwhelmed and frightened. I thought I knew what was happening, and I believed I needed to stop it.

Years later, I can look back at that moment with a very different understanding.

I also share a story about a mum I was working with. Her son told her he was struggling, and for the first time, she found herself having to put into practice what she'd been learning.

Her experience brought me right back to my own kitchen and made me think about what I wish I'd understood then.

This isn't about finding the perfect response, or believing we can control what our child does.

It's about what we might see when we can create a little space between what happens and how we respond.

If you've ever replayed a moment and thought, “I wish I'd done that differently,” this episode is for you.

And if you listen and it brings something up for you, a memory, a question, something you're struggling with right now, send me an email sandra@withsandra.co.nz and let me know.

You don't need to have the right words. Just tell me what's on your mind.

I read every message.

When your adult child is struggling with addiction or mental health, people may tell you to walk away. But what if you can't — and don't actually want to?

Because this is your child.

You remember who they were before all of this. The clever little boy or girl you were so proud of. The child who climbed into your bed in the middle of the night. The child who once thought you were their hero.

And even though they are grown now, that instinct to move towards your child when they are hurting is still there.

So what happens when your instinct is to fix, protect and make things better — but this is something you cannot fix for them?

In this episode, Sandra explores the very real tension between being a mum and recognising that your adult child has a life, choices and a journey that you cannot live for them.

We talk about why the urge to step in can feel so hardwired, what happens when your child isn't ready to do the hard thing, and why wanting life to be different and knowing how to make it different aren't always the same thing.

And perhaps most importantly, we look at what it might mean to stop choosing between carrying everything and walking away.

If you've ever thought, "I'm their mum. Who else is going to be there for them?", this episode is for you.

There is another way.

If something in this episode felt familiar, hit follow so you don't miss the next one. And if you want to go deeper, join the email list here: that's where I share more of this work.

You said you wouldn't answer the phone this time. You wouldn't transfer the money, wouldn't make the call, wouldn't step in again. And then you did — and afterwards, all you could think was: but what choice did I have? This episode isn't about whether you should step in or step back. It's about something underneath that question: the difference between "I have to do this" and "I'm choosing to do this" — and why that distinction changes everything.

This episode isn't about whether you should step in or step back — it's about something underneath that question. Sandra explores why "just stop rescuing" so rarely works, even when you know it's true, and explores the difference between feeling trapped by a choice and recognising that you're making one — even when it's difficult. She talks about a different kind of resilience — not strength, not walking away, but the quiet work of sitting in discomfort without rushing to fix it — and why "I can't do this" might sometimes mean you haven't yet built the capacity to tolerate what comes after the change. Along the way, she offers a few questions worth asking yourself next time you feel pulled to step in: What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What am I afraid will happen if I don't? Because the goal was never to do more, or to do less. It's to have more choice.

Grab the free Choice Check — a short, printable guide to help you pause and get clear on whether what you're doing is a choice you're making, or a pattern you feel trapped in. Download it here.

Journey Beyond the Chaos is for mothers of adult children whose lives have become complicated by addiction, mental health struggles, or both. Hosted by Sandra, a certified health and mental health coach who has lived this herself, each episode explores what it means to stay steady, stay connected, and find another way — without losing yourself in the process.

There is another way