That sound you hear? That's the future of bathroom technology flushing away your last shred of dignity.

You think you know toilets? Think again. While you've been doing your business the old-fashioned way like some kind of caveman, there's a whole world of $10,000 smart toilets out there that'll heat your seat, play you music, analyze your... output... and probably judge you for that late-night Taco Bell run.

This week, Johnny parks himself on the porcelain throne for a solo session that'll blow your mind (and possibly other things). We're talking smart toilets that do everything except your taxes, bizarre bathroom statistics that'll make you question your entire existence, and workplace bathroom anxiety that's more real than you think.

Did you know you'll poop 26,000 pounds in your lifetime? That's roughly the weight of three elephants. Speaking of elephants, stick around 'til the end because we're teasing something big involving elephant coffee and some very special co-hosts named PP and Poo Poo.

In This Episode:

• The $10,000 smart toilet that's smarter than your phone (and more judgmental)
• The Great Goldfish Flush: RIP Nemo, we hardly knew ye
• Why dining on the potty is more common than you think (and why Johnny doesn't judge)
• Workplace bathroom anxiety: the struggle is real, folks
• The world record for longest time spent on the toilet (spoiler: it's longer than your last Netflix binge)
• Diarrhea as a legitimate getaway weapon (yes, really)
• Meet PP and Poo Poo: your new favorite co-hosts (coming soon)
• The staggering 26,000-pound truth about your lifetime bathroom output

Timely Flush: Smart toilet sales have surged 347% in the past year, with the average American now spending 23 minutes per bathroom visit on their phone. If you're going to spend that much time in there anyway, might as well have a seat that heats itself, right?

Chapters:

• 00:00 – Welcome to the Pottycast!
• 02:54 – The Great Goldfish Flush
• 05:11 – Dining on the Potty
• 06:56 – Workplace Bathroom Anxiety
• 09:24 – Record-Breaking Potty Time
• 10:47 – Diarrhea as a Getaway Weapon

Resources:

• Guinness World Records - Longest Potty Sit - https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/longest-time-spent-on-the-toilet
• MIT Human Waste Project - https://web.mit.edu/humanwaste
• NASA Space Toilet Development - https://www.nasa.gov/spacetoilet

Don't forget to follow us on Shitter.

EPISODE CREDITS:

Creator and Host, Johnny La Rock

Brand Architect, Marta La Rock, Ph.D.

Executive Producer, Erin Sweeney

Audio Engineer, George Gross

Agency, Deybruyar

Music licensed through Artlist

String Quartet No. 19 in C Major, K. 465 (‘Dissonance’)” by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Performed by Musopen. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

LINKS:

Be sure to send us topic request at johnnypottycast@gmail.com!

That sound of flushing? That's us, going where no podcast has gone before: the bathroom.

You couldn't make this stuff up. While the rest of the world was watching NASA's Artemis II crew make history with the first woman around the moon, a record-breaking 252,756 miles from Earth, including a solar eclipse, Johnny was asking the real question nobody else had the guts to ask: what happens when an astronaut has to go?

And as it turns out, the Artemis II toilet actually acted up mid-mission. Yes, really. You can't flush this stuff.

This week Johnny takes a leak on the biggest space story of the year with a deep dive into cosmic bathroom chaos. Think burritos in zero gravity, clogged space toilets, and the heroics of Christina Koch, who didn't just make history as the first woman to orbit the Moon. She's also Johnny's pick for the first astronaut plumber. Six plungers. Several coat hangers. She got the job done.

In This Episode:

• Why you should never eat a burrito before a rocket launch (we warned you)
• The real-life Artemis II toilet malfunction that had Houston scrambling
• Johnny's dramatized mission control meltdown — "Houston, we have a potty problem"
• Montezuma's Revenge... in space (they're calling it Moon-tezuma's Revenge)
• What astronaut diapers are actually designed to handle — and what they're not
• Why sending a licensed plumber to space takes 11 days, and it's a union job
• The fart flap. Yes, the fart flap.
• A tease of what's coming: elephant coffee, real doctors, and your co-hosts PP and Poo Poo

Timely Flush: Christina Koch and the Artemis II crew splashed down in the Pacific Ocean on April 10th just days before this episode dropped. She's back on Earth, reunited with her dog Sadie, and probably never eating a burrito again.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 – The flush heard 'round the world: intro
• 00:11 – Burritos in space: a cautionary tale
• 00:40 – Christina Koch: astronaut, trailblazer, plumber
• 01:09 – Houston, we have a potty problem (the dramatization)
• 01:39 – Diaper science and space food digestion
• 02:08 – Union rules, licensed plumbers, and 11-day shipping to the moon
• 02:39 – Moon-tezuma's Revenge and the burrito ingredients
• 03:07 – The fart flap: a technical breakthrough
• 03:36 – Everything came out alright
• 04:06 – Coming up: elephant coffee, real doctors & meet PP and Poo Poo

Don't forget to follow us on Shitter.

Music for this episode is “Blauen Donau” (The Blue Danube) by Johann Strauss Jr., performed by European Archive. Source: Musopen.org. Licensed under CC BY.

EPISODE CREDITS:

Creator and Host, Johnny La Rock

Brand Architect, Marta La Rock, Ph.D.

Executive Producer, Erin Sweeney

Audio Engineer, George Gross

Agency, Deybruyar

Music licensed through Artlist

String Quartet No. 19 in C Major, K. 465 (‘Dissonance’)” by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Performed by Musopen. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

LINKS:

Be sure to send us topic request at johnnypottycast@gmail.com!

That sound of flushing? Johnny's on the Potty Pottycast is ready to go—going where podcasts have been afraid to go: the bathroom.

You'll be shitting, laughing & learning about what's really going on down there. You'll hear from real doctors and my two French co-hosts, PP and Poo Poo. You'll hear celebrities come by and take a leak on my $10,000 smart potty—it's smarter than that octopus that can roll cigars. You'll hear the crazy stories men make up just to poop at work.

Open your bathroom door, because we've been missing out on a lot of funny shit.

Don't forget to follow us on Shitter.

EPISODE CREDITS:

Creator and Host, Johnny La Rock

Brand Architect, Marta La Rock, Ph.D.

Executive Producer, Erin Sweeney

Audio Engineer, George Gross

Agency, Deybruyar

Music licensed through Artlist

String Quartet No. 19 in C Major, K. 465 (‘Dissonance’)” by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Performed by Musopen. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

LINKS:

Be sure to send us topic request at johnnypottycast@gmail.com!