That sound you hear? That's the future of bathroom technology flushing away your last shred of dignity.

You think you know toilets? Think again. While you've been doing your business the old-fashioned way like some kind of caveman, there's a whole world of $10,000 smart toilets out there that'll heat your seat, play you music, analyze your... output... and probably judge you for that late-night Taco Bell run.

This week, Johnny parks himself on the porcelain throne for a solo session that'll blow your mind (and possibly other things). We're talking smart toilets that do everything except your taxes, bizarre bathroom statistics that'll make you question your entire existence, and workplace bathroom anxiety that's more real than you think.

Did you know you'll poop 26,000 pounds in your lifetime? That's roughly the weight of three elephants. Speaking of elephants, stick around 'til the end because we're teasing something big involving elephant coffee and some very special co-hosts named PP and Poo Poo.

In This Episode:

• The $10,000 smart toilet that's smarter than your phone (and more judgmental)
• The Great Goldfish Flush: RIP Nemo, we hardly knew ye
• Why dining on the potty is more common than you think (and why Johnny doesn't judge)
• Workplace bathroom anxiety: the struggle is real, folks
• The world record for longest time spent on the toilet (spoiler: it's longer than your last Netflix binge)
• Diarrhea as a legitimate getaway weapon (yes, really)
• Meet PP and Poo Poo: your new favorite co-hosts (coming soon)
• The staggering 26,000-pound truth about your lifetime bathroom output

Timely Flush: Smart toilet sales have surged 347% in the past year, with the average American now spending 23 minutes per bathroom visit on their phone. If you're going to spend that much time in there anyway, might as well have a seat that heats itself, right?

Chapters:

• 00:00 – Welcome to the Pottycast!
• 02:54 – The Great Goldfish Flush
• 05:11 – Dining on the Potty
• 06:56 – Workplace Bathroom Anxiety
• 09:24 – Record-Breaking Potty Time
• 10:47 – Diarrhea as a Getaway Weapon

Resources:

• Guinness World Records - Longest Potty Sit - https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/longest-time-spent-on-the-toilet
• MIT Human Waste Project - https://web.mit.edu/humanwaste
• NASA Space Toilet Development - https://www.nasa.gov/spacetoilet

Don't forget to follow us on Shitter.

EPISODE CREDITS:

Creator and Host, Johnny La Rock

Brand Architect, Marta La Rock, Ph.D.

Executive Producer, Erin Sweeney

Audio Engineer, George Gross

Agency, Deybruyar

Music licensed through Artlist

String Quartet No. 19 in C Major, K. 465 (‘Dissonance’)” by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Performed by Musopen. Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

LINKS:

Be sure to send us topic request at johnnypottycast@gmail.com!